Thursday, March 11, 2010

Faith and Counseling

As I mentioned, I really enjoy church. It gives me hope and dreams and allows me to be in a really upbeat environment. The church radiates something that I can't explain. This is still pretty new for me, because I used to hate church. It sucked! But this is different. Sometimes, I admit, I think they are crazy. I see them using praying and demanding that something is sealed as in jobs or illness and I don't believe that God is that involved in our lives. I can't believe that God would help someone's business turn better profits and allow airplanes to crash into buildings. And allow young children to die before they even get a start on life. I could go on and on but that's why I am not sure on the praying stuff. The other day, I lost my cell phone. Man, I was really hoping to find it and I did at the gas station, but I don't think God has time to listen to my prayer about a cell phone lol I know that God is more than I can understand and that is ok.

I tried counseling with the church and I found the same peace from Pastor K and his wife as a team but not the same results from just her. I even could get that same peace just from Pastor K, but that only happened once because of the man and women thing together lol

The peace was only within me while I was with them. I never carried it much past the door. But I admit that I felt like Pastor K really got me so that I did leave feeling that finally someone actually admits that what happened to my daughter and me sucked! He was the first guy ever to admit that.
L his wife, had her nose to far in the bible to really help me. She was nice and offered her version of a friendship, but it wasn't what I was looking for. She would say things with good intentions like God gave his only son for our sins. But I want to ask anyone who uses this is that would you give up your child for your faith? Once, she told me that it was okay if I never know Izzy in this life, because I will know her for eternity, but only if she is a Christian. I know she meant well, but to me, I heard it's ok that your hurting.
Or we could go on the forgives part of it all. God forgave us of our sins and that I should forgive my Mom for her mistakes. Never. I would like to say that I have a desire to forgive her, but I don't. Somethings are just not forgivable.
However, like I said, church as been a good thing for me. So, even though the counseling didn't really help, but I got something good out of it. I can't hold nothing against Pastor K and his wife. They gave it a shot, but it just wasn't for me.

1 comment:

michelle said...

I started to comment this morning, deleted it, and still don't know exactly what to say! LOL I think it you will not end up where you started. :)

Agree about the counseling, it sounds like she is not familiar enough with adoption issues to be helpful in that area.