Tuesday, August 11, 2009

one more month

Izzy's birthday is only one month away. I think I have decided against inviting my family to come watch the balloons float away in the air. I don't think I would be able to keep it cool around my Mom if she dared to show. So, I might instead post for anyone who is interested to make a scrapbook page for me to add to her book. It might be easier than trying to force everyone to celebrate with me.
Overall, I am doing better. I still get really upset inside when my husband says things that hurt. I still want to hear his support in a reunion someday. I don't want to worry that he might hide a letter or a phone call.

Work has been crazy. The couple I take care of has been going through some changes. She spent a week in the hospital and no in the rehab department of a the nursing home. I just learned today that it would be my last day with them. He is moving into the rehab department to be with her and will most likely stay in the nursing home. This is mostly about money. I just feel so bad. I know they will not get the same amount of love and attention as they did with 24 hour care at home. I had to tell them goodbye. I am a rule breaker. I will see them again even though I am not suppose to.

1 comment:

Sally Bacchetta said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog:
One thing that I like to tell all adoptive parents is that if the birth parents have regrets it's not so much about you as their parents. The regret (if any) is going to be more about the loss of them being the child's parents.

That was helpful for me to hear. The layered dynamics and perceptions running through our triads are ongoing surprises to me.

The better I know our kids birthparents the more I care about them, worry about them, grieve for them. I'm acutely aware that the source of my greatest joy (my kids) is the source of their deepest pain. This, even though both BMs maintain that they made the right decision for themselves and their babies at the time.

I enjoy your blog.