Thursday, August 13, 2009


When I went to the church last weekend with the Pastor K and his wife the message from the Pastor giving the service was Forgiveness. To not live in anger and bitterness and that it does no one any good. I had counseling with Pastor K and his wife and we mostly talked about Forgiveness. I have a hard time letting go. I was questioning how do you forgive someone if they haven't asked for it. They said that forgiving isn't so much about them coming to you and asking for forgiveness. It's more about letting it all go and not living in my prison.
I kind of shocked Pastor K for me trying/wanting to deal with the issues with my Mom. He believes a lot of people and done me wrong and forgiving is going to be very hard. I have found so much peace in going and speaking to them and being around the church and all the other people.
I am going to really try and tackle forgiveness for my Mom. If I can do that then I can do anything. I explained to them that I had thought I had forgiven her, but I later found out that I haven't. I did talk some about how my Mom treats me. How she never calls or makes any kind of effort to see me anymore. How when I see her she gives me the brush off. I explained how I made the decision to not make any effort to see or talk to my Mom, but I haven't really stuck totally to it. I tried to call her on Christmas, Mother's Day and when I see her I try to be friendly, but I feel nothing coming back from her but coldness. They said it's okay to put me first. I don't have to include her in my life if I can't do it.
It has really helped to get the support of others in my life right now. It makes me feel good to know that I have someone who will help me and also someone telling me that everything is going to be okay. I have to trust in God and Pastor K and his wife that everything will be okay. I will know my daughter someday!


RB said...

You will know your daughter one day. It really seems like the pastor and his wife are great counselors. A lot of what he is telling you is what my therapist also told me when I was going for a forgiveness issue as well. I'm so glad that you are finding more peace through your therapy.

BB said...

Wow. I am impressed. It does sound like the pastor and his wife are good counselors!! I am very impressed that have the "desire" to forgive your mom. Not that you shouldn't, but when someone hurts you it kind of feels good to be mad (and it sounds like she has hurt you A LOT... and continues to). I commend you for at least taking the first step toward forgiveness.