Monday, August 17, 2009

Dear Izzy

Sometimes, life seems so unfair. It's been so long since I held you in my arms. I miss you so terribly that it really hurts. I can't say that if given a chance again that I would do the same. I think if given the chance, I would fight harder to raise you. However, that doesn't mean that I think you have had a rough life. You might have had the best upbringing. It's just that living without you as been very hard on me. There hasn't been a day in all these years that I don't think of you. I wonder if your safe and happy. I wonder if you have a good relationship with your family. I imagine that you are a Daddy's girl. I hope your parents have been the best. I hope they have always let you know how important you are. Also, how beautiful you are inside and out. How special you are to them.

I really wish that I was given the chance to see you through the years in pictures. The best that I have been able to do is find your pictures in the yearbooks at the library. I hope you don't find that strange. I am thrilled to look at the picture and see how beautiful you are. I have decided that I am going to try to draw you. I know I am not an artist, but I am going to give it a try.

Izzy, I have been going for counseling at a local adoption agency and also getting support from a Pastor and his wife in counseling at the church. It has done wonders for me. It's a starting point for me to have some peace in my life. I admit that I am afraid of letting go. All I know is to have sadness around my thoughts about you. I am afraid if I don't have my sadness around you then I don't have you at all.

I will have to do a lot of work on myself. I have to learn to accept the things in my life that I can't change. I have to learn to be stronger and learn to experience more of the good in my life. I love you deeply baby girl. Sweet dreams.

1 comment:

imabirthmom said...

This is very sweet. Choked me up. hugs to you!