Sunday, August 23, 2009

I thought I would do a recap of my daughter and her adoption.

I was 14 years old and almost sure that I was pregnant. My sister 1 1/2 years older than me told our Mom that she was pregnant. My tried to force an abortion. When that didn't work, she kicked my sister out.
That left me doing most of the childcare for my younger brother and sister. I was afraid to say that I too was pregnant. I didn't want an abortion.
So I just hid the pregnancy. It wasn't too hard, because my Mom was never home.
During the early morning of Sept 11 1991, I was feeling contractions. So, I had to tell her. I told her that I was pregnant and lied about how the baby was conceived. We had never talked about sex. I told her I was raped. Big mistake. My Mom suggested/forced an adoption on me.
I met an couple that my aunt knew that "couldn't" have kids. I wasn't educated on adoption at all. They seemed like the lesser of two evils, because I was told she would be kind of still in the family. i was told that I would get pictures and if my daughter ever wanted to meet me she could.

When the adoption was final they moved out of the state. I have only received two pictures. One before they moved and one that wasn't really for me. She must have been about three. When I asked my aunt to ask for pictures. they said no. I always felt like I was the evil one for asking.

Fast forward. About two years ago, I found their names in the phone book. Oct of last year, I wrote a letter and they ignored it. The end of march of this year, I wrote again asking for a reply and they ignored it too. I was able to find pictures of my daughter in the yearbooks at the liabary and have no question in my mind that the people I wrote are my daughter's parents. Seeing my daughter's face has helped me accept that she isn't a baby anymore and I just love seeing how cute she is. But it also makes me so sad, because how much distrust and disrespect of not even giving me so something as a picture.

My daughter lives about 1/2 mile away from my ex husband where my oldest son stays with his Dad. My son thought the grass was greener on the other side. My son has met the brother of my daughter. The brother was telling how he was a mistake or a accident and how his parents adopted his sister. It's the same girl. I am thrilled to death that she wasn't raised as a only child, but hurt that even with them going through a pregnancy and new baby that they didn't understand me a little more.

Izzy's birthday has been harder these last few years. The horrible events that happened on 9/11 our a constant reminder of my daughter and her birthday.

I really wanted to take a minute and Thank everyone who reads and comments on my blog. The support that I get has been wonderful. It doesn't take the place of having people in my world who get me, but it's something that I really enjoy having.


Tracey said...

Thank you for telling us your story. I am so sorry that your mother was not more understanding and also that she was for abortion.

I am sorry that you never get to see nor hear from your baby. She is yours and will be always even though you are not raising her.

We adopted Samuel from a 17 year that decided to make an adoption reason was because she herself was adopted by parents who couldn't have children of their own and she found us and neither can we. We were involved while she was pregnant, the day she found out she was having a boy, got to go to all the ultrasounds and I was even allowed in the delivery room. It was an amazing experience. We now send pictures an letters 4 times a year. We are hoping bmom will want to see him again on his first birthday in December.

If the girl knows she's adopted I see no reason for her parents not to tell her about you. After my situation I realize that Samuel will have enough love to give to his dad, myself and the woman who loved him enough to give him a bigger and better chance. in life.

If you live so close to her maybe in the future you'll get to meet her and have a relationship. I will pray for you. Thank you again for telling your story and God bless!

Tracey said...

ps...check out my prayer list each Sunday. Your on there for today...I called you Izzy's mom!

RB said...

Thank you again for telling your story. I hope that in the future, you'll get a chance to meet with Izzy. I wish that her adoptive parents were more open-minded. It would be healthier for everyone involved.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for telling your story. Sometimes I follow a blog w/o taking the time to catch up on their adoption story.
Thx for your support too. I'm glad that we all "have" each other to help us through the rough spots!
hugs to you.

Jill said...

THANK YOU for sharing your story! I am sorry for the circumstances which caused you the grief you share with us today. As a birthmom myself I can remember vividly how I sobbed myself to sleep every night for a year. I however do have contact with my son, so I cannot compare my journey to yours. Please know I have thought about you many times since I added myself to your followers. A mother's love is a strong thing!! I hope that things continue to become a bit brighter in your world!
Hugs, Jill

kalibug said...

I pray for you often. I am so sorry that the adoptive parents did not be truthful to you about what their intentions were concerning their openness with you. I am thrilled that you were able to find them and do have pictures of her from the yearbook. Have you tried to locate her online since you know her last name? Maybe she is on Facebook or myspace? Though since she is close to 18, you might want to wait until then. You could just send her birthday wishes when you request to be her friend on either Facebook or myspace and then tell her briefly who you are in those birthday wishes. You might see a profile picture of her at least. Nothing too heavy in the message to not scare her off. I am sure she is very curious about you. Make sure she knows how old you were when you were pregnant with her. I am sure she would understand that it would have been very difficult to have raised a child that young in life with no support from your family. Thank you for sharing this story.

Anonymous said...

I can't imagine what must be going through their minds to have promised you contact and then decided to renig on that. I couldn't live with myself if I knew that Evie's birth parents wanted pictures and information about her and weren't getting any. I can only think that they have been told false and scary things by others and are afraid that you will come and steal Izzy from them, which is ridiculous on many levels but especially because of her age. It's amazing to me, the more and more I read and learn about the history of adoption, how fear is such a cancer in relationships. I hope things get better once Izzy is 18.

Bethany G. said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I am so sorry that you were given the cold shoulder by your daughter's parents. I cannot imagine doing that to my son's birth mom. I hope so badly that she wants a part of his life going forward.

You ladies are so special and are a huge part of who these beautiful children are. Big hugs to you!