Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My brother tends to come over quite a bit uninvited. Its okay. We also ask him to babysit, because he doesn't have a job and could use the few bucks we give him to do it. I love my brother, but he really said something to my husband that upset me. It's been depressing me every since I heard it. One, my brother has never spoke of adoption or Izzy to me. My husband can't tell me how the discussion started. He did say that he spoke up for me. Basically what was said that our Mom didn't have anything to do with the adoption of my daughter. She was innocent in it all. I don't expect him to fully get it. What I do expect of him is to remember that he was what only about 7 or 8 years old when she was born.

Yesterday, I went to counseling at the adoption agency and she really played the devil's advocate in the picture. She was trying to remind me that people are going to talk and that there isn't much that I can do. She asked what did I want to come out of seeing her? I said I want come to a point in my life when I have peace.

With what happened with my brother, I went into a protection mode. I told my husband that I want a lock on the closet door to protect the scrapbook. The counselor at the agency thinks that my grief is causing me to twist things around. She agrees that I am better compared to march, but really is concerned that my thoughts are on Izzy to much. From listening to me, she thinks that instead of looking at the good that I always look towards the bad. I agree with her. I am not quite sure how to fix it.

There is also a very small chance that my brother, because he uses our computer has been able to read this blog. I am not sure if he has or not or if it's just another way of my weird thinking. I really don't have anything to hide from him or my family, but I am not spilling my guts to them.

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