Saturday, February 21, 2009

I haven't posted anything in a week and that is a long time for me. Sometimes I have things on my mind, but when I try writing about the stuff, it comes off so boring.
I checked the mail this past week to see if Izzy's parents had a change of heart. I don't go there very often, but this was the first time that I didn't have a ounce of hope. I have given up and accepted that they won't write, however because of the what ifs I can't totally ignore checking the mail. So when I looked into a empty box, it was not a surprise that it empty. I still don't understand how anyone who adopts a child could be so cruel to not even write one single letter back. Why couldn't they just write. Izzy is doing well and we don't want to talk to you. That would show a little more compassion than just doing nothing. I told them if they did not want to correspond with me that I wouldn't write them back. So I will keep my promise and won't write again. I do sometimes wonder is there a chance that they did not get it? I did not send it certified mail, so it would not draw attention. I did not get the letter back, so I am pretty sure they received it. I do wonder did they share with Izzy the picture of myself? Did they share with her the information that I have two boys. Or did they just throw the letter out and hope I keep my word? I wonder did they at least keep my contact information?

I have issues on my mind when it comes to my kids. How much do I tell them about Izzy? My older son knows the most, because my ex told him. Do I tell my son that I have photocopied pictures from a year book and that she lives a 1/2 mile from him? Passing that information on seems to be really mean. But what if I don't pass the information on and he meets her? Or worse off they become more than friends? Well lets not hope for that one since my son is only 14 years of age, but we all know kids have sex, before parents want them to.

Another thing going on in my life is that my client's grand daughter is in China right now adopting a boy. They already adopted a girl from China about 3 or 4 years ago. She is five now. She is a smart, cute little girl. I was not around when they adopted her, so even as a Birthmom I did not think of the process much. But with me being around my clients a lot. I am really thinking about the whole picture. The birthparents have already been apart from the boy, because he is older. I feel their pain. The little boy is living in a foster home and I just want to cry for him. Here comes these strange people who look different and they just pay all the money, do the paperwork and take him away. I just can't get the image of a strangers taking this poor child away. The couple is excited and the daughter is excited to get a brother. My client is afraid he won't sleep for two weeks, because they took the daughter back to China and he feels someone might steal her for money. So for the next two weeks and more, I will be thinking a lot about this poor child and this growing family. I am sure it's for the best, because he is living in foster homes, but the beginning is going to be so scary for him.

3 comments:

Jensboys said...

Hi :) I know you read at my blog sometimes from my perspective as an adoptive mom (and thanks for that) but I thought I would post a comment from the perspective I had when I realized that my mom had a child older than me that was lost to adoption. I wish, over and over again, that she had been honest with me so that everything wasn't such a shock. So in regards to your son, I think I would sit down with him - after a discussion about the importance of privacy and him understanding that discretion is important and that you trust him to share with him - and show him his sister's picture and maybe even let him know that she is close. Lies by ommission still FEEL like lies when they are discovered, at least in my opinion.

Secondly, as an amom, i am really, really sorry they wont agknowledge you. I dont know the back story at all, but you are right, its not that hard to send an email. I have a stack of pictures here, and a tough letter to send to address some boundary issues with our sons first father and here it sits. But I still will do it. Hugs, prayers and again, I am sorry things are so tough.

Jen

birthmothertalks said...

Jen,

You are very right. I can see your point. I am very afraid of telling my son any more information, because of my ex husband. Is it right to promise my son not to talk to his Dad about her? Is it still telling a lie if I tell my son that I know more than I am willing to share at this time? Can I trust my son not to run up to her if he seen her, when I don't even know if I have it in me to walk away if I seen her at work or something.
I know it's a issue that I need to be able to discuss with my kids. I am writing a college paper and had Izzy's picture off from the wall, because I had to describe it, and my youngest son wanted to take a picture of the two of us together. In the picture she is probably only three. It just got me wondering does he think there is this baby sister out there? I have to start talking I know.
Can you share your thoughts about the child you found out about later in life? Did you find them? Do you crave a relationship? I have fears what if I get a open discussion about her and they want to meet her and she don't want to meet them. I don't know how to be unbiased and not suggest that she won't love to know them.
Thanks for your support.. Adoption is hard all around and before blogs, I admit I never seen your side as a adoptive parent.

Andrew's Daddies said...

Hi,
I say keep writing. In your next letter, I would say if you do not want me to correspond, please indicate that in a return letter because I can't be sure if you are receiving my letters. I just want to know that Izzy is well and perhaps at least get a recent photo.

I hope those adoptive parents can open up their lives to you.