Sunday, February 22, 2009

I know I said I would not write them again, but after reading Andrew's Daddies comment on my last post, it really got me thinking about maybe I should write one more letter, after all how would I know that they received it. I think discussing Izzy with my children would make it so much easier if they would just open up their hearts a little. I am not asking for the world, just a little compassion. I know her Dad has compassion in him. I will never forget the day he hugged me as I cried. Maybe it wasn't compassion, but he was happy for himself, but I don't think so.
I carry a lot of anger for her adoptive parents. I admit it is not as bad since I have been visiting adoptive parents blogs, but it is still there. I think if they could get past their fears and allow themselves to write and send a letter, just maybe the anger will go away. I really need the peace of mind. So I have decided that I am going to take a week and really think about writing them. I already decided if I do write them that I am going to keep it short and simple. Maybe include a picture of two sons. After all what is the worst that can happen right? Besides selling their house and moving.. all they can do is ignore me just like they already did. Don't worry if I write it is only sugar and spice.. no anger did or would come through.

2 comments:

Jensboys said...

I wasn't told about my sister until reunion was imminent (as in she had found my mom already). I have blogged about it September 08 I think? Maybe October archives. It was hard - I felt betrayed and somewhat replaced as the "oldest". My sister already had children - my mother's first grandchildren etc. Those were my initial feelings, of course we were receptive to a relationship with her and for a good long while I thought it was "cool". Sadly, the situation with my sister got more complicated (she developed an addiction to pain killers, ended up on hard drugs and lost her own kids to foster care, and eventually her oldest daughter adopted her youngest son). Today, we dont have any relationship with her, although I do with her children.

I think its ok to explain to your son that this is YOUR business, not his father's business, and as you respect not wanting to know his father's private business, you would ask that he respect your business as well. I mean you cant control what he says to his dad, but you can lay the foundation that it is respecting you to keep certain things private.

As far as a letter, I agree, I would appeal to the mother instinct. Include some recent pictures of your kids, yourself (just a few) and express that you often spend hours worrying if she is ok. That you are certain that she is loved and happy, but how much relief it would bring you to know for sure ... etc. etc. etc. Hopefully they will have some compassion. I will send a prayer up on your behalf.

Andrew's Daddies said...

I say write as much as you want. Maybe those letters won't get read, maybe they will and will be ignored...
When Izzy comes around and it is very possible she will on her own, you truth will be that you have written many letters and never gave up trying to reach her. That is a truth.
My mom had a baby girl (her first) in the 1950s. She was unwed and was forced to go to a place where young ladies went to carry her baby to term and then give up to a closed adoption.
I consider myself very close to my mom, but she never told me this. One day, I was at work and I received a phone call from a private detective. He was searching for my mother. (she was living with me and my partner at the time). The private detective told me that a woman was looking for her who claimed to be my mother's biological daughter. I could not believe it. I called my mom and she confessed...
My feeling was happy. Being born the youngest of 4 brothers, I looked at this as a sibling perhaps I could be close with. They met, the got along, then had an arguement, and now just reconnected again. She looks like us (poor thing) but we never got close. I hope we can become close. I like her as a person, but there is something blocking us getting closer....I'll work through this. I think it's my fault, becuase I let the relationship with her and my mom, be the measurement of what our relationship should be...and I probably should have looked at this independently...I need to contact her...