Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sometimes, when I read the birthparents blogs that are pretty new at being a birthmom and they list their reasons for choosing adoption for their child. I think I am 34 years old and I don't even meet the requirements to raise their child. I have the two parent household but my household needs both of us to work.
Sometimes, through the years, we were lucky and work different shifts but also really lucky that we had a Grandma near by who would babysit for us. My youngest son is ten years old and while some people leave their ten year olds home alone. I won't do it.
My husband works days and I work mostly second shift and once a week 3rd shift. My son spends a little time a couple times a week at my husband's job. We make it work.

I am pretty sure my daughter's adoptive Mother worked outside of the home. I think it's a reality of the times we are living in. I know I have witnessed other adoptive Mom's dreading having to work but do it because they need the income.

Are people just too immature to see that their expectations might be too high? Are there any adoptive parents that had to decline a birthmother because she expected the stay at home Mom and it wasn't possible for you? Maybe, immature isn't the right word. People haven't lived life yet. Is it possible that they have a dream and the reality is that most people don't get it that good. Does it make you less of a parent if your a working Mom?

And to the birthparents, circumstances change all the time. If you choose adoption because you firmly believe that you want your child not to be with babysitters how will that make you feel if the adoptive parents for one reason another need to have both parents working?

I am throwing this stuff out there because if anyone considering adoption come here, I would want them to ask themselves these questions.


BB said...

I was planning to stay at home. Then, right after we brought R home my husband lost his job and now, together, we make about 2/3 of what he used to make on his own. We don't struggle with money (except for the $$ for our next adoption), but the hardest part for me was that I felt like I had been deceitful. But you know, that life for you. It doesn't make me any less of a mom and it isn't making R any less well cared for. In fact, the thrives being around the other kiddos at her sitters (including her twin cousins 2 months older).

Our agency requires that you put that into your profile. If a SAHM is importabt to an expectant mom, she will only be shown profiles with a SAHM.

birthmothertalks said...

I remember way back when you brought R home how you felt bad that you couldn't stay home and feared that her birthmom would feel that you were not honest. If I remember right she was pretty understanding of the situation.
I think it's good that your agency requires that they put that into your profile, but it still doesn't change the fact that stuff can change. I wonder if the mom's are educated about that issue. I agree with you that having R in daycare doesn't make you less of a Mom or cause any harm to her. I think it would give her a head start about sharing and all that good toddler stuff.