I had many changed in 2010. It was a really great year. Of course it had it's ups and downs but what year doesn't.
In February My step daughter had her baby and by marriage that makes me a Grandma. It took some getting used to use the term grand daughter. I had issues of feeling like I was stepping on my husband's first wives toes. I feel more better now. I feel like babygirl can't have too many people loving her and looking out for her.
In March, My youngest son turned 10 years of age. That is a pretty big birthday and he continues to have gains in his education.
In May, I received an Happy Mother's day message from Izzy. I believe this is the month that I started volunteering for MELD. MELD has been a life changing moment for me.
In June, my client at the time, canceled and I found myself with zero hours. I filed for unemployment and collected enough paychecks to be off about 7 weeks.
Late July, I went back to work for another client.
In September, I celebrated my daughter's 19th birthday with outings with my husband. I was able to send her gifts and it was the first year that I didn't cry.
In October, I met my daughter for the first time. She is beautiful, amazing and smart. We have a lot in common.
Late November, I seen her again. My oldest son turned 16 years of age.
December, I really really enjoyed Christmas so much more than years past. I was able to buy for Izzy but we haven't met yet to exchange gifts. We will soon.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Read this http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/40853908/ns/today-entertainment/ And I dare anyone to try to tell me that MTV is looking out in the best interest of the young Mom's, Dad's and parents. Drama sells. They are either being pushed into acting crazy or they are screening trying to find the crazy ones. What is going to happen to the children of the teen Mom's when they grow up and have to stigma all over them from growing up in the spot light. I hope they sue MTV ass off and end up owning them. Shame on you MTV. You disgust me.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
That is all of the gifts that was bought with mostly money raised from donations. I want to thank everyone one more time for the donations. I could have never pulled that off without you. Buying the gifts and wrapping them and imagining the looks on the childrens' faces was part of my joy this Christmas season. I hope my sons learned about giving and not thinking so much about receiving. I hope they start to really be thankful for what they got knowing that some children have much less. Thanks again for all the support. I will leave the donate button up should anyone ever feel like they would like to give to MELD but I won't really be asking. Also, please don't think that because I talk about MELD that I am hinting around for it. I know that I will still support MELD and still talk about it. It's been a big thing for me. It has helped me feel like I am doing my part in keeping young Mom's and their children together.
On the thirteen day of Christmas santas helpers brought
Another dinosaur. I thought these toys looked so fun and what boy wouldn't like playing with them. This one is for a boy of three too.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
16 and pregnant
So, in the last few days, I read all of this blog. I wanted to blog more deeply about the show 16 and pregnant and the fact that another young girl choose adoption for her daughter.
I can feel Ashley's pain. I haven't watched any of the show 16 and pregnant except for the episode from when she had the baby and gave her to her aunt and uncle and went back for her.
I admire her so much. I can't imagine letting her go and getting her to only let her go again. It must have been so hard, but at the same time. She created memories with her daughter. Also, I hope by her taking her time to have her daughter home that she will look back on it and know that she tried.
I am a little confused on how 16 and pregnant works.. I have recently learned that the Mom's get paid to do the season. How long do they have cameras around them and how is it decided what scenes to go with. I know shows want ratings and I have a hard time believing when they pick the scenes to show that they are thinking of the best interests of the Mom's and their children. I think it would be about the bottom dollar and drama gets people to watch it.
However, I don't have any first hand experience with MTV. Are they seeking out women to choose adoption? I don't mean all the girls, but is it a set up to want to have at least one choosing adoption and show all the drama from those raising their children. First off, anyone with a newborn, I don't care what age... will feel stress, lack of sleep and just a huge shift of a life style.
I think MTV was so wrong to watch Amber abuse Gary and film it and not make an effort to do something to stop it. Maybe, things could have been different if MTV treated the situation different.
I worry that the cameras following around a expecting Mom considering adoption would just add to the outside pressure to choose adoption. It sure can't help anything. When it came to the first couple, Tyler and Catelynn, I didn't think they showed the emotional side of adoption very well. However, in the one episode of watching Ashley I seen the emotional side and plus it helps to read her blog. I get that pain. I understand the feeling of wanting to die. I really do understand those deep feelings of wondering will life ever feel worth living again. Like I said, I admire her strength and her honesty.
There is one thing that I always repeat when it comes to women choosing adoption. They seem to want the perfect family for their child. I understand that. Who doesn't want it to be perfect. The stay at home Mom and both a Mom and Dad. I really do understand women wanting to give two parents, but I don't always get the strong desire for the Mom's to stay home. I understand that can be the ideal situation, but the majorities of couples raising children together can't provide that. I worry about women choose adoption and years down the road having children and hopefully being married but I worry how they will handle the situation if they can't afford to have one parent stay home. How would they tell their child that they gave away their brother or sister so they could have a stay at home Mom and they are not staying home with their children born after that.
I guess I don't get the drive for a stay at home Mom because I have always worked. Sometimes, I have gotten away with only working part time and for the most part, we try to work different hours and not have too many babysitters. Actually, most of the people that have ever watched my children have been family. I know a few other good Mom's and Dad's that work and rely on babysitters. I know, through blogging, several adoptive Mom's that work outside the home. So, I just hope that women today are not setting their standards too high. You can be enough for your children.
Maybe, I would feel different if I had actually choose adoption for my daughter. Again, I have a lot of compassion, respect, and just admire Ashley. I won't pretend to know what all goes behind the scene on 16 and pregnant and teen Mom but I do know that it does worry me some. However, at the end of the day. I can't do anything.
I can feel Ashley's pain. I haven't watched any of the show 16 and pregnant except for the episode from when she had the baby and gave her to her aunt and uncle and went back for her.
I admire her so much. I can't imagine letting her go and getting her to only let her go again. It must have been so hard, but at the same time. She created memories with her daughter. Also, I hope by her taking her time to have her daughter home that she will look back on it and know that she tried.
I am a little confused on how 16 and pregnant works.. I have recently learned that the Mom's get paid to do the season. How long do they have cameras around them and how is it decided what scenes to go with. I know shows want ratings and I have a hard time believing when they pick the scenes to show that they are thinking of the best interests of the Mom's and their children. I think it would be about the bottom dollar and drama gets people to watch it.
However, I don't have any first hand experience with MTV. Are they seeking out women to choose adoption? I don't mean all the girls, but is it a set up to want to have at least one choosing adoption and show all the drama from those raising their children. First off, anyone with a newborn, I don't care what age... will feel stress, lack of sleep and just a huge shift of a life style.
I think MTV was so wrong to watch Amber abuse Gary and film it and not make an effort to do something to stop it. Maybe, things could have been different if MTV treated the situation different.
I worry that the cameras following around a expecting Mom considering adoption would just add to the outside pressure to choose adoption. It sure can't help anything. When it came to the first couple, Tyler and Catelynn, I didn't think they showed the emotional side of adoption very well. However, in the one episode of watching Ashley I seen the emotional side and plus it helps to read her blog. I get that pain. I understand the feeling of wanting to die. I really do understand those deep feelings of wondering will life ever feel worth living again. Like I said, I admire her strength and her honesty.
There is one thing that I always repeat when it comes to women choosing adoption. They seem to want the perfect family for their child. I understand that. Who doesn't want it to be perfect. The stay at home Mom and both a Mom and Dad. I really do understand women wanting to give two parents, but I don't always get the strong desire for the Mom's to stay home. I understand that can be the ideal situation, but the majorities of couples raising children together can't provide that. I worry about women choose adoption and years down the road having children and hopefully being married but I worry how they will handle the situation if they can't afford to have one parent stay home. How would they tell their child that they gave away their brother or sister so they could have a stay at home Mom and they are not staying home with their children born after that.
I guess I don't get the drive for a stay at home Mom because I have always worked. Sometimes, I have gotten away with only working part time and for the most part, we try to work different hours and not have too many babysitters. Actually, most of the people that have ever watched my children have been family. I know a few other good Mom's and Dad's that work and rely on babysitters. I know, through blogging, several adoptive Mom's that work outside the home. So, I just hope that women today are not setting their standards too high. You can be enough for your children.
Maybe, I would feel different if I had actually choose adoption for my daughter. Again, I have a lot of compassion, respect, and just admire Ashley. I won't pretend to know what all goes behind the scene on 16 and pregnant and teen Mom but I do know that it does worry me some. However, at the end of the day. I can't do anything.
On the 12TH day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A dinosaur. Basically same kind of toys as the last child. It's for a three year old boy.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
16 and pregnant
Just a couple days ago, I found this blog. It made me spark an interest in 16 and pregnant again. I will be honest that I haven't had cable to have access to watch it but I got a little disgusted with MTV when I heard that another girl had placed her daughter for adoption.
So, I checked out the MTV hours and went to the ymca and walked on a treadmill for over an hour to catch an episode of 16 and pregnant. It just happened to be Ashley that I linked her blog too. I have some thoughts about the show and some of them are just emotionally based. So, I may or may not go into them another day.
I am kind of happy for the spark in my interest again because I need another motive to work out and this will work. I need that time to myself.
I just want to leave you with a message that came on the commercial.
They showed an black male running up to a school and approaching two children with lunch sacks. He is sweating and out of breath and hands them their lunch. Then, he drops the food out one bad and breathes into it.
Then, the message says that you don't have to be a perfect parent that foster kids just need parents or something to that matter. Sometimes, I feel that some women are placing their children for adoption because they want the perfect parents. You don't need to be perfect. Just be you.
So, I checked out the MTV hours and went to the ymca and walked on a treadmill for over an hour to catch an episode of 16 and pregnant. It just happened to be Ashley that I linked her blog too. I have some thoughts about the show and some of them are just emotionally based. So, I may or may not go into them another day.
I am kind of happy for the spark in my interest again because I need another motive to work out and this will work. I need that time to myself.
I just want to leave you with a message that came on the commercial.
They showed an black male running up to a school and approaching two children with lunch sacks. He is sweating and out of breath and hands them their lunch. Then, he drops the food out one bad and breathes into it.
Then, the message says that you don't have to be a perfect parent that foster kids just need parents or something to that matter. Sometimes, I feel that some women are placing their children for adoption because they want the perfect parents. You don't need to be perfect. Just be you.
On the eleventh day of Chrismas Santa's helpers brought
A dinosaur to for a three year old boy. I don't have a clue on who he is so mostly just making sure that I got a toy that was safe for a three year old.
Monday, December 27, 2010
On the tenth day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A bug game. I chose this game for a 3 year old. I admit that this gift and the ones to come, I really didn't have a child in mind. I mean I had a name but I couldn't think of who the kid is. One of the next children maybe the one that came in only a few times. The first time, he cried no matter what I did. He was a very heavy child so it wasn't possible to carry him around, but I tried. Even when I would set him done he would follow me and cry. Finally, I got him to work on puzzles and he stopped crying. So, the next time he came in and cried only for a minute and worked on puzzles. I can't be sure who got what anymore. However, I picked this game because it's one of those early games that mom's can play with their children.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
On the ninth day of Christmas Santa's helpers bought.
A doctor set. Both my kids had one of these and it was a fun toy. It's for a little boy of two years of age. He hasn't came in on a regular basis but when he does he plays really well.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
On the eight day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A little farm set. This gift is for this little girl about a year and half. I always know she is coming because I can hear her crying before I see her and I say I can hear my (girl's name) coming in. She likes to be held and I wish I had more time to do that. This last ten weeks I have been the one juggling the young babies so my helper has been the one to comfort her more than I have been able to. She is such a cutie. Of course, you all know that I tend to favor the girls. It's weird though because the newborns boys were not on my list. So, I don't know what happened to them. I hope all is well with them and their Moms.
Friday, December 24, 2010
I have really had a great time this Christmas season. I feel like I actually did things that felt like Christmas before the actual Christmas morning. I decorated two trees with my sons compared to one. We put up lights outside. My son and I made a ginger bread house and we made homemade cookies.
We made a homemade gift for my sister and today we are making another one. Buying the gifts for MELD has really been a great enjoyment for me this Christmas season. I just loved it. It's really been an experience that I will never forget. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas. I will leave you with a couple shots of the bank we made from a coffee can, scrapbook paper and photos.
On the Seventh day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A cute little soft feeling pant and shirt outfit and a teething book. It's for a little girl about six months old. She has only been coming to group with her for the past ten week session. She is a really happy baby and I enjoy her.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
On the 6th day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
Mr. Potato head. This gift goes to a little boy who is just a little over 2 years of age. He is at that age that his language skills are growing fast. He has been coming really regularly for the past 3 ten week sessions. It has been fun to watch him grow. This boy has always played really well, but I fear that the behavior of the older children is affecting him. I really hope that he doesn't get too wrapped up in watching the bigger boys because he was such sweet kid.
Both my kids had Mr. Potato head and he provided good times and it's really a good learning tool for learning about eyes, ears, noses and well you get my point.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
On the Fifth day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A 4 pack of soft blocks and a pair of Dora Pajamas. This gift went to a baby girl about six months old. I believe I have only seen her a couple times. The Mom's don't have to bring their children with them to group. You will probably notice that most the girls are getting clothes too. I admit that is because it makes me feel good to buy girl clothes. I find it fun. I like to imagine the little girls wearing them.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
On the Fourth Day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought.
A ride on toy. This is the same toy that if my memory serves me right that both of my sons had. I could be wrong and it was just one of them. Well, anyways, this toy is for a boy of just a little over one years of age. He can walk but it's that cute baby style walking like a duck type of deal. He plays really well and doesn't cry much. When I seen this toy it brought back sweet memories of both of my sons. That's why I think they both had it. He can walk behind it or ride on it. The seat doubles as a door for his toys and it makes sounds to annoy his Mommy. When I seen this toy, I just had to get it for him.
All wrapped up and ready to go
Last night, I had the gifts all wrapped and in bags ready to go for tonight. My husband said that he was really proud of me. He said that it seemed like a god idea but didn't really know if I could pull it off. He says he can see how excited I am about it and he bet that I would play with the gifts again before I dropped them off.
I tried to be strong but I had to do it. I cleaned off the table and put them all together and took their picture so you can also see them all wrapped. I am sorry that it's not the best picture.
Monday, December 20, 2010
On the third day of Christmas Santa's helpers bought
My friend gave me a really nice diaper bag to donate and it gave me the idea to fill it fill of baby goods if I had enough money to spare from what was raised. I won't probably get a picture up of it because my camera died and I want to deliver this stuff tomorrow. So, please for this one gift settle for the description of it.
I gave the guy who runs the MELD group to pass the diaper bag on to a new Mom and it should go to one having a boy.
Inside the diaper bag is
20 diapers (came from my diapers that we bought for my dolls) don't laugh.
Matching onsie and sleeper in boy colors.
pack of two binkies.
2 new receiving blankets
one thicker blanket
baby wipes
baby soap
teething ratte
nasal Aspirator and meds dropper
So, this now will be the 13 days of Christmas because this is a gift to a new Mom for her new baby. I again want to thank all those that helped me with the donations. I also gave the new Mom a Christmas card giving her a brief history on why I put the diaper bag together for her.
It is my hope that I can do things like the diaper bag again. I don't mean by asking for donations but just here and there buying items and a couple times a year put together a bag for a new Mom.
I gave the guy who runs the MELD group to pass the diaper bag on to a new Mom and it should go to one having a boy.
Inside the diaper bag is
20 diapers (came from my diapers that we bought for my dolls) don't laugh.
Matching onsie and sleeper in boy colors.
pack of two binkies.
2 new receiving blankets
one thicker blanket
baby wipes
baby soap
teething ratte
nasal Aspirator and meds dropper
So, this now will be the 13 days of Christmas because this is a gift to a new Mom for her new baby. I again want to thank all those that helped me with the donations. I also gave the new Mom a Christmas card giving her a brief history on why I put the diaper bag together for her.
It is my hope that I can do things like the diaper bag again. I don't mean by asking for donations but just here and there buying items and a couple times a year put together a bag for a new Mom.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
On the second day of Christmas Santa's helpers brought
A memory game for a boy who is about five years old. I remember good times playing this game with my sons. He has only been coming for this last 10 week period. I imagine he be starting school soon and I think this will be good practice for sitting down and working on something other than hyper boy energy.
Hey all... sorry I haven't posted anymore pictures of the gifts. My son is with his Dad and he wants to help and I really like that he is excited about giving gifts to others. Sometimes, kids get stuck in the mode of what's for me. But my youngest is about the giving.
Last night, I worked and my client was invited to a Christmas party that was basically for Christmas carols. She brought her harp and one was on the piano. They was a couple other instruments. The people without anything to play was suppose to sing and we sung about every song you could imagine. It was a really beautiful night. It reminded me when I was a kid and I would swing and sing We wish you a merry Christmas.. lol probably really loud and off tune. haha. and it reminded me of the time that we went to the nursing home as 5th graders and did Christmas carols.
So much as changed since I was a kid. The school still does Christmas programs but God forbid if use the word "God" in a song because it's not Christmas Carols anymore it's a winter program.
Today, we are decorating the tree and I am taking my son to church for a Christmas special.
I have a few holiday things up my sleeve. I really want to do somethings that are for Christmas besides the gift buying part. After all, ten years from now they won't remember what I bought.
Last night, I worked and my client was invited to a Christmas party that was basically for Christmas carols. She brought her harp and one was on the piano. They was a couple other instruments. The people without anything to play was suppose to sing and we sung about every song you could imagine. It was a really beautiful night. It reminded me when I was a kid and I would swing and sing We wish you a merry Christmas.. lol probably really loud and off tune. haha. and it reminded me of the time that we went to the nursing home as 5th graders and did Christmas carols.
So much as changed since I was a kid. The school still does Christmas programs but God forbid if use the word "God" in a song because it's not Christmas Carols anymore it's a winter program.
Today, we are decorating the tree and I am taking my son to church for a Christmas special.
I have a few holiday things up my sleeve. I really want to do somethings that are for Christmas besides the gift buying part. After all, ten years from now they won't remember what I bought.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
On the first day of Christmas Santa's helper brought..
The first girl to steal my heart at MELD was this sweet little girl about 1 1/2 years of age. She is two now. She was the first girl from MELD that I got to hold and cuddle and care for. She is a gentle girl. Likes to be held and comforted and I never mind doing that. I haven't touched the money that was donated yet. I personally wanted to use my money to buy for this special girl.
I will post each child's gift just like this. All of it's own because while she is my favorite they all are getting a gift because of the help given from Santa's helpers. excuse the dates on the camera. I don't how to fix it. Not in the picture is my stuffed care bear because I wanted her to have something besides the clothes.
Stay tuned in for the next week or so of an overload of pictures of gifts. I will probably show you all the gifts wrapped and not wrapped. I am thinking of calling it the 12 days of Christmas since I have 12 children to shop for. I kind of got a jump start of shopping for my favorite girl. She has a dress and an outfit. I haven't even started to spend the money that was raised yet. It just feels so good to give to others. It feels even better knowing that these are young Mom's who really probably could use the support. And who doesn't like when someone buys their kid a gift.
Thanks again, for all the donations. I couldn't be providing these 12 kids with something extra for Christmas if it wasn't for all of you.
Thanks again, for all the donations. I couldn't be providing these 12 kids with something extra for Christmas if it wasn't for all of you.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
That is so mature of you.
I recently left a comment on this blog. I tend to read her here and there. It's not one of my favorite blogs but sometimes I do like to read what she has to say. Sometimes, I agree and sometimes, I don't agree.
One thing that I really try to do with blogging is see adoption from all sides and keep an open mind. There are somethings that I won't budge at and that's my final answer. There has been somethings that I have came to a better understanding of because of blogging. One thing, I try to never do is choose not to publish a comment because I don't agree. If someone can and chooses to be respectful then I publish. Rarely, do I reject comments.
I liked the story of the most recent post but to imply that adoptive couples should have dogs to make sure their children get unconditional love is just plain being overly unwilling to see any adoption in a positive loving way. I said something to the point that I have believe that adoptive parents love their children just as much as if they have given birth. I don't think they love them more or less. It's not what I have to believe but what I strongly believe in.
While, I agree having a dog in the household is a wonderful thing and to adopt one from the shelter is awesome, but to suggest that the only way the child will feel loved is just horrible.
Off the subject, I wrote an email to my friends and family asking them to donate to MELD because of the 12 children. I said if I raised 20.00 from them that I would match it. My Mom donated the 20 and now I have raised 145.00. Awesome!!!
One thing that I really try to do with blogging is see adoption from all sides and keep an open mind. There are somethings that I won't budge at and that's my final answer. There has been somethings that I have came to a better understanding of because of blogging. One thing, I try to never do is choose not to publish a comment because I don't agree. If someone can and chooses to be respectful then I publish. Rarely, do I reject comments.
I liked the story of the most recent post but to imply that adoptive couples should have dogs to make sure their children get unconditional love is just plain being overly unwilling to see any adoption in a positive loving way. I said something to the point that I have believe that adoptive parents love their children just as much as if they have given birth. I don't think they love them more or less. It's not what I have to believe but what I strongly believe in.
While, I agree having a dog in the household is a wonderful thing and to adopt one from the shelter is awesome, but to suggest that the only way the child will feel loved is just horrible.
Off the subject, I wrote an email to my friends and family asking them to donate to MELD because of the 12 children. I said if I raised 20.00 from them that I would match it. My Mom donated the 20 and now I have raised 145.00. Awesome!!!
Monday, December 13, 2010
My list of children
12 kids were on the official list. I never see 12 kids. Dang! That is a lot of shopping to do. I will have fun but I wasn't expecting that many kids. If 12 children came to group at once I would have to run out the other door.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Hey all.. Christmas is coming on quickly. We haven't done much decorating except for lights on the fence. I should be putting up our tree but that would involve moving furniture around and my tree isn't doing it for me this year. Oh and I can't find the stockings.. how is Santa going to leave us goodies if we don't have stockings.
I haven't done any shopping yet. Going to start that within a couple days. I have a question for you. Every year, I decide on a dollar amount to spend on my kids and split in half. It tends to be about the same every year. For once, I have a something in mind for my oldest son. My husband tries to talk me down to spending much less money on them.
How do you made decisions when it comes to the budget for Christmas gifts. I pretty much won't budge. Maybe, I would take his thoughts into play more if he was throwing money into the gifts. He isn't and that's okay. He just isn't into presents. Well, he will do presents off and on during the year and not just because it's Christmas or a birthday. I am the other way around. I tend to not give gifts at non holiday times. Just wondering how you deal with conflicting thoughts on what to buy or how much can be spent on Christmas presents.
I haven't done any shopping yet. Going to start that within a couple days. I have a question for you. Every year, I decide on a dollar amount to spend on my kids and split in half. It tends to be about the same every year. For once, I have a something in mind for my oldest son. My husband tries to talk me down to spending much less money on them.
How do you made decisions when it comes to the budget for Christmas gifts. I pretty much won't budge. Maybe, I would take his thoughts into play more if he was throwing money into the gifts. He isn't and that's okay. He just isn't into presents. Well, he will do presents off and on during the year and not just because it's Christmas or a birthday. I am the other way around. I tend to not give gifts at non holiday times. Just wondering how you deal with conflicting thoughts on what to buy or how much can be spent on Christmas presents.
Friday, December 10, 2010
MELD Fundraising
I put in the request to transfer the funds that was donated for MELD. It will take a few days to transfer but when it does I will get started on buying the gifts for the children. I am thinking about throwing all caution to the wind and using it mostly on gifts but then I go back and say that I should use it for items that are on their wish list of what is needed. Anyone have any thoughts on what I should do?
I won't ask for donations anymore but I will keep the donate button should anyone ever feel like they want to give. You know if you strike it rich. Or you find that gold at the end of the rainbow.
I would like to thank everyone again very much that donated money to me to use for MELD. I stepped out on a limb and hoped that I wouldn't get my feelings hurt if no one choose to donate. I lost count on how many people gave. I think it was about five people. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to give.
I would like to thank the people who thought about giving and just didn't have the money to give. Times are tough. Not everyone has money to give away and some people already give to other organizations and I understand that. So, thanks to everyone who gave anything to those in need. Even if it was only a dollar in the Salvation Army Kettle.
I will be postings pictures of before I wrap the gifts and after I wrap them. Thanks again and I promise you that you helped someone in more ways than you know. You helped the children and their Mom's and also you will give me some fun when I shop for the children.
I won't ask for donations anymore but I will keep the donate button should anyone ever feel like they want to give. You know if you strike it rich. Or you find that gold at the end of the rainbow.
I would like to thank everyone again very much that donated money to me to use for MELD. I stepped out on a limb and hoped that I wouldn't get my feelings hurt if no one choose to donate. I lost count on how many people gave. I think it was about five people. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reaching out to give.
I would like to thank the people who thought about giving and just didn't have the money to give. Times are tough. Not everyone has money to give away and some people already give to other organizations and I understand that. So, thanks to everyone who gave anything to those in need. Even if it was only a dollar in the Salvation Army Kettle.
I will be postings pictures of before I wrap the gifts and after I wrap them. Thanks again and I promise you that you helped someone in more ways than you know. You helped the children and their Mom's and also you will give me some fun when I shop for the children.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I called MELD to find out more about the Christmas party. Santa will be there and I am so going. I can' miss Santa and I am honored to celebrate Christmas with the Mom's and their babies. He did say that it would best if I didn't bring the gifts because there is 3 groups that meet so I would only be bringing for 1/3 of the kids. So, that gives me more time to dream up what I want to get them.
I am thinking a card for each Mom telling her Merry Christmas and telling her how much I adore her child. Then, of course the present for her kid. I am having a blast just thinking about it. I suppose I should get working on it. He is suppose to send me a complete list of the names to make sure that I don't forget anyone. Plus, one little girl wasn't there last week and I so can't spell her name.
I am thinking a card for each Mom telling her Merry Christmas and telling her how much I adore her child. Then, of course the present for her kid. I am having a blast just thinking about it. I suppose I should get working on it. He is suppose to send me a complete list of the names to make sure that I don't forget anyone. Plus, one little girl wasn't there last week and I so can't spell her name.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Dear Todd (birthfather)
You were my first love. I remember that bright smile and your laugh. I haven't seen you in many years but I feel that we share a connection. We share our daughter. Do you still think of her? Do you even know her name? am sorry because I don't remember if I gave it to you or not. I was really afraid of an custody battle to get our daughter away from her parents. It wasn't personal at that moment. I just couldn't risk uprooting her from her family that she had been with.
Oh how I wish things were different and we were able to watch her grow. She grew up without us. Do you still think of her as a baby? Or do you count the years?
I have met with our daughter twice now. She is beautiful! She has the brightest green eyes that I have ever seen. She has beautiful dark curly hair. Her smile lights up the room. I am getting to know her. I am not her Mom, but I love her just the same. I hope I can continue to see her and get to know her better.
She has graduated from high school and is going to college. She really likes to challenged when it comes to education. She works too. She is everything that I have dreamed her up to be and more.
I wonder do you still think of me? I really don't see you in my daughter. I mean as features of hers. Then, again, I only knew you for about a year so maybe somethings I just didn't notice about him. I am really sorry that you haven't been able to meet her. I think you would like her.
Oh how I wish things were different and we were able to watch her grow. She grew up without us. Do you still think of her as a baby? Or do you count the years?
I have met with our daughter twice now. She is beautiful! She has the brightest green eyes that I have ever seen. She has beautiful dark curly hair. Her smile lights up the room. I am getting to know her. I am not her Mom, but I love her just the same. I hope I can continue to see her and get to know her better.
She has graduated from high school and is going to college. She really likes to challenged when it comes to education. She works too. She is everything that I have dreamed her up to be and more.
I wonder do you still think of me? I really don't see you in my daughter. I mean as features of hers. Then, again, I only knew you for about a year so maybe somethings I just didn't notice about him. I am really sorry that you haven't been able to meet her. I think you would like her.
Monday, December 6, 2010
end of the ten week session for MELD
Tonight, was the end of my 3rd ten week sessions of volunteering for MELD. I asked the girls that came tonight to write down their children's name and ages so that I could buy them a gift and not mess up on the spelling of their name.
I received six names but a couple of the kids that were there tonight haven't been there too much of this ten week session but in the previous ones. Little E was there. I have blogged about her before. She is a doll. She is so on my list. Little Z wasn't there but not going to forget her. I guess I am going to end up buying for probably about ten kids.
I was told that next Monday there is a Christmas party for them and it sounded as if I was invited. I have to call and get details so I might be actually able to hand the gifts to them.
I received six names but a couple of the kids that were there tonight haven't been there too much of this ten week session but in the previous ones. Little E was there. I have blogged about her before. She is a doll. She is so on my list. Little Z wasn't there but not going to forget her. I guess I am going to end up buying for probably about ten kids.
I was told that next Monday there is a Christmas party for them and it sounded as if I was invited. I have to call and get details so I might be actually able to hand the gifts to them.
book
I read an very interesting story of a man who later in life found out somethings about his past that he just didn't know. It's not the common theme of baby being given up for adoption and then a search and reunion.
I would tell you all about it but then if you wanted to read it. I would spoil it for you.
It's called Elenor's Rebellion A Mother and her son's secret by David Siff. At times, I found the book a little boring but I stuck with it and I am glad that I did.
I would tell you all about it but then if you wanted to read it. I would spoil it for you.
It's called Elenor's Rebellion A Mother and her son's secret by David Siff. At times, I found the book a little boring but I stuck with it and I am glad that I did.
marriage sucess
My husband and I used to fight really bad. I didn't think we had a future together. Our marriage was spinning out of control. If we divorced it would be a second divorce on both of our parts. I had just about given up hope and wanted out, but my husband wasn't willing to go. I don't know if it was because he still had hope or because he was stubborn and wasn't going to leave the house or my son who we raise together.
We used to fight about money. We fought about children. We fought about adoption. Adoption was probably the number one thing that caused me the greatest pain. I felt as if he didn't understand me and wasn't on my side. I felt like he was rejecting my daughter before I even found her.
It hasn't been an easy marriage. However, our life has really turned around. He quit drinking about a year and half ago. Slowly, he has became a different man. Well, not totally different but more responsible and has been able to tone some of his thoughts down. Adoption still can be a touchy subject for us. Sometimes, he wants to debate it. I can only do that for a few minutes and then basically, I feel like I am right and just don't want to talk about it. It's hard to be logical when emotions are involved.
He used to give me a hard time about my daughter's scrapbook. I don't know why. There were moments where I slept with it by my side. I was afraid he would destroy it. It's not as if he ever said he would. It was just my fear. He has really changed. He actually helped me flatten some flowers in a book because I wanted to use them for the scrapbook. I joke about if something like a fire happens save the scrapbook and while it may seem like a joke. I really mean it. Don't let it burn. It would be a great loss if something destroyed it. My husband is really getting how important it is to me. He suggested that I pay for someone to scan the book and make it into a digital form. It's a wonderful idea. If I do that. I can always have the book. I am so attached to it that I been afraid that I won't be able to give it to my daughter.
My husband is a grandfather. Babygirl is 10 months old. She is so adorable. So, my marriage, I am a grandmother too. I have been helping out her Mom and Dad by babysitting for her the last few weeks. I really love it. She is fun to be around and I love dressing her in pretty girly clothes. It's fun to go buy her something and change her into it.
My husband continues to try to connect with my older son. It's not easy getting along with a teen. I am very happy with how things are going between them. I just wish I could get my sons to stop fighting with each other. I guess I can't have it all.
I am in a reunion with my daughter. It's a dream come true. My husband has been pretty supportive of this.
I know he probably doesn't take the time to read this but if you do check in. I am crazy in love with you!!!! You make me feel special. I am so happy that you didn't walk when I was pushing you away. You are so good to me.
We used to fight about money. We fought about children. We fought about adoption. Adoption was probably the number one thing that caused me the greatest pain. I felt as if he didn't understand me and wasn't on my side. I felt like he was rejecting my daughter before I even found her.
It hasn't been an easy marriage. However, our life has really turned around. He quit drinking about a year and half ago. Slowly, he has became a different man. Well, not totally different but more responsible and has been able to tone some of his thoughts down. Adoption still can be a touchy subject for us. Sometimes, he wants to debate it. I can only do that for a few minutes and then basically, I feel like I am right and just don't want to talk about it. It's hard to be logical when emotions are involved.
He used to give me a hard time about my daughter's scrapbook. I don't know why. There were moments where I slept with it by my side. I was afraid he would destroy it. It's not as if he ever said he would. It was just my fear. He has really changed. He actually helped me flatten some flowers in a book because I wanted to use them for the scrapbook. I joke about if something like a fire happens save the scrapbook and while it may seem like a joke. I really mean it. Don't let it burn. It would be a great loss if something destroyed it. My husband is really getting how important it is to me. He suggested that I pay for someone to scan the book and make it into a digital form. It's a wonderful idea. If I do that. I can always have the book. I am so attached to it that I been afraid that I won't be able to give it to my daughter.
My husband is a grandfather. Babygirl is 10 months old. She is so adorable. So, my marriage, I am a grandmother too. I have been helping out her Mom and Dad by babysitting for her the last few weeks. I really love it. She is fun to be around and I love dressing her in pretty girly clothes. It's fun to go buy her something and change her into it.
My husband continues to try to connect with my older son. It's not easy getting along with a teen. I am very happy with how things are going between them. I just wish I could get my sons to stop fighting with each other. I guess I can't have it all.
I am in a reunion with my daughter. It's a dream come true. My husband has been pretty supportive of this.
I know he probably doesn't take the time to read this but if you do check in. I am crazy in love with you!!!! You make me feel special. I am so happy that you didn't walk when I was pushing you away. You are so good to me.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Dear Izzy
Your so beautiful. I can't express that enough. You have beautiful eyes and hair. You have a bright smile. You have a twisted sense of humor like me. Your a sweet girl. I don't know if you can fully understand how much that I love you. I am crazy about you. There are no words to describe my love for you.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
fuzzy feelings
The Meld video gave me all kinds of warm fuzzy feelings. If you haven't watched it yet. Go do if you would like. It says things better than I can say them.
Like I said, in a few posts down that sometimes I think expectant Mom's facing pregnancies that were not planned for have to high of expectations. I think some of them scream low self esteem. They want someone better than them. Someone that appears to have the perfect life and guess what? No one has the perfect life. Not even adoptive parents do.
I like the video because it shows the support that is given when it's not been given in the home life. They give them the encouragement that you can do this. No goals are too big. I hear the girls talking about how they want the best for their child. I think young Mom's and Dad's can be what is best for their child. They can do things to better themselves even while they are raising their child. Will it always be easy? No. But look at those sweet children and tell me that it's not worth it? I personally know they are worth it. Young Mom's doesn't have to mean adoption.
I am not trying to be anti adoption. I am just speaking from my heart. Having a child young does make you grow up. You can't change that. Even if your child is placed for adoption you still grow up fast. I think quite a few birthmother's are married within a couple years of making an adoption plan for their child. I don't know all the reasons for this but I can say for myself that you just don't feel like a kid anymore. Suddenly, hanging with friends doing stupid crap isn't so appealing.
So, I guess what I am trying to say You can be your baby's Mommy. You are good enough. Sure, there will be struggles but who doesn't. Even adoptive parents struggle with their newborn babies because being a Mom is hard. But it's worth it. You can do it.
I am so proud of the Mom's that been coming into group. I am watching their children grow and watching them grow. I am all for them.
Like I said, in a few posts down that sometimes I think expectant Mom's facing pregnancies that were not planned for have to high of expectations. I think some of them scream low self esteem. They want someone better than them. Someone that appears to have the perfect life and guess what? No one has the perfect life. Not even adoptive parents do.
I like the video because it shows the support that is given when it's not been given in the home life. They give them the encouragement that you can do this. No goals are too big. I hear the girls talking about how they want the best for their child. I think young Mom's and Dad's can be what is best for their child. They can do things to better themselves even while they are raising their child. Will it always be easy? No. But look at those sweet children and tell me that it's not worth it? I personally know they are worth it. Young Mom's doesn't have to mean adoption.
I am not trying to be anti adoption. I am just speaking from my heart. Having a child young does make you grow up. You can't change that. Even if your child is placed for adoption you still grow up fast. I think quite a few birthmother's are married within a couple years of making an adoption plan for their child. I don't know all the reasons for this but I can say for myself that you just don't feel like a kid anymore. Suddenly, hanging with friends doing stupid crap isn't so appealing.
So, I guess what I am trying to say You can be your baby's Mommy. You are good enough. Sure, there will be struggles but who doesn't. Even adoptive parents struggle with their newborn babies because being a Mom is hard. But it's worth it. You can do it.
I am so proud of the Mom's that been coming into group. I am watching their children grow and watching them grow. I am all for them.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Sometimes, when I read the birthparents blogs that are pretty new at being a birthmom and they list their reasons for choosing adoption for their child. I think I am 34 years old and I don't even meet the requirements to raise their child. I have the two parent household but my household needs both of us to work.
Sometimes, through the years, we were lucky and work different shifts but also really lucky that we had a Grandma near by who would babysit for us. My youngest son is ten years old and while some people leave their ten year olds home alone. I won't do it.
My husband works days and I work mostly second shift and once a week 3rd shift. My son spends a little time a couple times a week at my husband's job. We make it work.
I am pretty sure my daughter's adoptive Mother worked outside of the home. I think it's a reality of the times we are living in. I know I have witnessed other adoptive Mom's dreading having to work but do it because they need the income.
Are people just too immature to see that their expectations might be too high? Are there any adoptive parents that had to decline a birthmother because she expected the stay at home Mom and it wasn't possible for you? Maybe, immature isn't the right word. People haven't lived life yet. Is it possible that they have a dream and the reality is that most people don't get it that good. Does it make you less of a parent if your a working Mom?
And to the birthparents, circumstances change all the time. If you choose adoption because you firmly believe that you want your child not to be with babysitters how will that make you feel if the adoptive parents for one reason another need to have both parents working?
I am throwing this stuff out there because if anyone considering adoption come here, I would want them to ask themselves these questions.
Sometimes, through the years, we were lucky and work different shifts but also really lucky that we had a Grandma near by who would babysit for us. My youngest son is ten years old and while some people leave their ten year olds home alone. I won't do it.
My husband works days and I work mostly second shift and once a week 3rd shift. My son spends a little time a couple times a week at my husband's job. We make it work.
I am pretty sure my daughter's adoptive Mother worked outside of the home. I think it's a reality of the times we are living in. I know I have witnessed other adoptive Mom's dreading having to work but do it because they need the income.
Are people just too immature to see that their expectations might be too high? Are there any adoptive parents that had to decline a birthmother because she expected the stay at home Mom and it wasn't possible for you? Maybe, immature isn't the right word. People haven't lived life yet. Is it possible that they have a dream and the reality is that most people don't get it that good. Does it make you less of a parent if your a working Mom?
And to the birthparents, circumstances change all the time. If you choose adoption because you firmly believe that you want your child not to be with babysitters how will that make you feel if the adoptive parents for one reason another need to have both parents working?
I am throwing this stuff out there because if anyone considering adoption come here, I would want them to ask themselves these questions.
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