Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I want to continue to blog about my teen. It really just bugs me that he throws around the "I get ignored when I come over here"
Monday evening, we were on the way to volunteer for Meld. I seen my Mom drive past us. I said, "there goes my Mom who ignores me me. Who I haven't seen or barely heard from since Christmas. "I went on to say how it makes me mad that he thinks he gets ignored. I know he shouldn't pay for my Mom's mistakes but I believe he should be aware of them. I told him how things were for me and my sisters and brother.

I sometimes wonder if parenting a teen is hard on me, because those are the years that my parents really weren't around. We were left alone a lot and was given responsibilities that was our parents role. We kind of did as we pleased and no one was around most of the time to tell us no. Does that make these years extra hard on me? I think it kind of does. Because I didn't grow up with a normal teen years. I didn't have my parents putting limitations on what we can and can't do. My Mom didn't say you can go do these wrong things, but just wasn't around to question what we were doing with our time.

I don't recall being terribly upset about it then. I will be honest. I think it's every teenagers dream to have their parents gone for a couple days.. And the fact that the parents left us with money. Cool. The only down side from a teenagers point of view is that we were left with young children. Besides, hanging with the wrong crowd, skipping school. I did the normal teen age thing. I loved listening to music. I didn't crave my Mom to hang with me. Maybe deep down I craved the stability of a parent watching out for me. I did have my older sister who did watch out for me, but not always in the right ways. After all, she is only a year and half older than me.

So when my son wants all this attention and I do give it to him. Trust me. I don't ignore him. I have gotten into video games. I listen to boring videos online. I ride bikes. I watch movies. I take him to the ymca and hang out with him. I try to vary my routine to fit him in when he is over. I just don't want to go so far off my routine that it makes it hard on me. If my son had his way, we would be watching about 2 movies a day. It's not something I can do. I am a mover.

I got upset at my ex husband for wanting him home to clean the house and spend time with him. He says that it's his day off to spend time with him. Hello.. You have him all the time. I see him every other weekend. Deal with it. I am trying to extend the visits because I have to believe that if he is around me more then he might figure out a way to feel like he lives here. It brought up some feelings about adoption.. How adoptive parents might feel about making time for birth parents to visit and maybe feeling jealous of having to give up that time. Hello.. deal with it. You get them all the time. These feelings are of course my own thinking and no one adoptive parent has made me write this.

To my son's credit, this weekend, he did ride his bike some on his own. He did play some games with his brother. So, it was a better weekend. It just bugs me that he whines and claims I ignore him but then wants to go home. I want my son to know that cooking together, grooming the dog, doing lawn work is family things. It's what a family does together.

Something kind of on this same subject just came to mind. When I was 17 years old, my Mom married her boyfriend and bought a house. I was given my own bedroom with my own phone line and we had a living room upstairs with cable tv and games and I pretty much stayed to myself when I wasn't working. I remember my Mom used to get upset that I didn't spend time with her. I hung out on my own. 1. They gave me this room and all these things.. I thought they wanted me out of the way. 2. I had been so long without my Mom around that I just didn't feel the need to do Mom and daughter things. You can't check out and just check back in that easily.


Campbell said...

Your last paragraph made me think of the Harry Chapin song Cats In The Cradle.

birthmothertalks said...

I love that song. I think it's cause I can relate to it.