Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Yesterday, I took my Dad somewhere and he said that I need to get back with my Mom. It really bugs him that we seem to have a rift between us. I asked him why? Why should I try. I dropped off some flowers and card on Mother's Day and didn't get a call or an email saying Thank you. I got nothing. I know that the point is to give and not expect anything but it takes two people to make a relationship or a friendship work. It also takes trust. I do not trust my Mother. He said that I should just go over there when I know that she is home. It's not like she is going to refuse me. Well, I could do that. I could come over once a twice for a few months and then if I don't come over. It would be back to zip. Why do I need to be treated like that. My Dad says that your Mom hardly calls him either. Hello. You guys are divorced. I am her child. Shouldn't she be in more contact with me. I am close to just accepting her as she is, but I don't know which way to go. Do I accept my place as her daughter but never see her. Or do I accept that I would be the only one making the effort and at any minute should could care less if I don't see or talk to her.

I talked to my older sister and we both wonder about our Mom and Dad's Moms' Could their Mom's been not the best of Mom's. They both came from family's of about 8 children. Was it normal for the older kids to take care of the others? We wonder how much attention each child got? Also, my Dad's Mom died when he was 16 and my Mom's was dead before she was 20 years of age.

The more and more, I think about the early deaths of my grandmother's, the more I can see why they didn't make the best parents.. why my Mom quit being a Mom and left her children to fend for themselves. It makes it easier to understand, but is it an excuse? No. I don't buy into I didn't know how to be a Mom. I just don't. I suppose it can go both ways. You can either be your parent or you can work damn hard to not be like them.

My husband's Dad walked out of his life when he was a teenager and never to be seen or heard of again. I suppose he could be a horrible Dad and hand in his excuse but from what I have heard and what I see, he is a great Dad.

So, I am still left with the question.. Why should I try with my Mom? What is the point in forcing myself in her life? Or my son's in her life? I didn't have a grandmother, but my sons have two, but only one has played a role in their lives.. Is that sad or what? I never experienced having grandma's because they died and then one of their grandma's ignores them.

I started back with Meld again. I am working with a new volunteer. So, far my impression of her as been kind of bad. She asked me if they have gloves for changing the babies? she is afraid of hiv... is that even an risk? Do dare care providers really put on gloves before changing a baby?

1 comment:

Campbell said...

Parent/adult child relationships are funny. You know, my mom calls me way too much, asks for way too much. This is not to say I'd prefer what you have, a mom who appears to have abandoned her kids, but rather to say it's really up to us as children to decide how much effort we want to put in.

I think I make my decisions to "try" with my mom to minimize any regret I may feel if I don't.

What I do for my mom, I'm really doing for myself, for my own piece of mind, my own sense of pride.