Visit with my Mom

It had been almost a year since I last seen my Mom. Even with all our differences and all the crap that has gone down it just doesn't sit well with me that we went a whole year without talking or seeing each other.

The last time I had seen her was on Christmas. With Christmas coming and it being at my house I didn't want to wait until Christmas to see her.

I asked my little sister who see's her on somewhat of a normal basis to arrange a time where we could all go to lunch. I can't imagine being alone with my Mom. How dumb does that sound? I am serious though. I don't want to be alone with her.

We all met for lunch. My Mom was shocked at how much weight I have lost and it was the first thing she said to me. Lunch went pretty well. Conversation flowed much easier than I thought it would considering I haven't seen her in such a long time.

Not a whole lot has changed besides me being smaller and my Mom growing her hair out long. I did end up spending some time alone with her due to my sister having some tummy problems.

The conversation did go smoothly but it's all superficial. Meaning there isn't really a Mother daughter relationship between the two of us. It just occurred to me tonight. I am 36 years of age. Meaning I haven't lived at home for 18 years. That is the same number of years that I lived under her roof.

I don't know where this lunch visit and Christmas dinner that she will most likely be at take us. I can't say I have forgiven her but no matter what she is still my Mom.

However, it's funny how I refuse to see or be around my aunt that knew Izzy's parents and promised things to a 15 year old that she had no business promising. Also, hung with my daughter's Mom and my daughter never knew she was related.

I can't forgive her nor do I have any desire to see her or fix anything. Matter of fact I have day dreamed about her dying and me posting on Facebook "dingdong the witch is dead" haha go ahead laugh. You know it's funny.

After lunch my sister and I went and worked out. I was afriad that the stress of the visit would cause me to want to eat poorly and I wanted to try to burn off the stress by working out and not eating.

Honest though, I didn't feel stressed but still wanted to work off some of that lunch at the restaurant.

Christmas is extra important to my sister and myself this year due to her going away to college and not being sure if she would make it back here while she is away.

It's going to be weird with me being the only daughter left in the city we grew up. It will just be me and my brother and my parents.