Friday, December 14, 2012


My plan is tomorrow to set out of the house about 930 am with Alex and the gifts in the box that I got for Izzy and her fiance.

I got Izzy two matching candle holders and six candlee for them. She is also getting a pretty bath set that I got at Walgreens for a great deal. I got a gift for her and her fiance. It's a set of snoopy mugs and hot chocolate. I even picked up a five dollar stocking thing for her dogs. It's all gonna fit in the box but not with much room to kill.

The reason I am bringing my son is because I plan on taking him to the thrift store to try to find him some clothes that might look good for job unterview or even hunting as in asking about jobs. I am going to look into picking up a used coat and make sure he has gloves.

I plan on sitting down maybe with some lunch and telling him that he has four months from this date to have a job and pay rent or move out. I am nervous about this conversation cause sometimes things come out all wrong. I just can't afford to take care of his every needs. I really planned on his rent money giving me a little breating room. The amount my husband and I talked about was a minumin of 20 a week and a maxium of 40 a week. This was going to be based on his weekly pay check. If one week he had 32 hours he would pay 32 dollars. If he only worked ten hours he would still owes 20 dollars. It was hopefully going to be a reason to work.

I don't know what the future holds and not sure if I am ready for him not to live with me. It's that letting go part that is pulling at my heart strings when I really think of him moving out.

Right now my husband is so unhappy and pissed all the time. I get why he is upset on some of the things. He wakes up early and his favorite time of the day is our granddaughter's nap time. Alex disrespects that time by coming in and out and in and out. Also, by trying to talk to my husband while he is snoozing or reading a book.

My husband was really big on grownup time and certain times of the night kids don't wander thru the house and Alex comes and goes ect and there isn't adult time so much anymore.

Some of the areas I feel is petty is my husband feeling upset about Alex sharing his dinner with his GF. I guess tonight, while I was working, Alex ate half of his dinner and took the rest downstairs to his girlfriend. I find it's sort of cute and that's what my first husband did for me when we were teens.

I guess tonight Alex asked for chips and he doesn't really want to agree that he can eat the chips cause it's not his fault that he gave half of his dinner away and why should it cost him more money? I just find it petty. I figure at least he is asking instead of just taking which I thought was half of the battle.

Now, I get my husband being upset if Alex is going thru the cubbards after midnight when we all are in bed. My husband tends to be awake until at least midnight and is up at 6 am. He is a light sleeper and hears all the things going on in the kitchen.

I just hope I can get my message across without is all sounding about money and making him feel bad. I just want him to move forward with the next step of his life and that's taking care of himself.

If I treat Stephen to lunch or a movie or something else special I don't want to always feel like the bad guy not including Alex. Now if sometimes Alex had his own money it would be alright if he joined us.

Besides trying to round up some new gently used clothes for my son I plan on trying to do a couple other things to help him out. One is get him a pass for the bus. I firmly believe that jobs only come to those that hunt for them. As in checking in person and making yourself known. I am thinking about giving him one day a week for a few weeks where I would drive him to a couple places. I would probably have to cut back volunteering to do this. I don't mind trying to help him but he has to be willing to help himself too.

Wish me luck, I love my son very dearly and I feel like he is a good kid but could very easily end up with a crimminal record playing follow the leader with his friends.

One of our neighbors has implied that Alex lost his job for some kind of theft. I don't know how true that is or not.

Wish me luck and if you have any job hunting pointers send them my way.


kathy said...

1. hes now an adult and if u werent alive he would have to fend for himself.
2. husband is not working...or looking either right? kinda makes it look wierd to your son.
3.Girlfriend may become dau in law just make enuf for her too or none for him
4.Goodwill has halfprice day the 3rd Wednesday of each month.
5.It is all about money... Because aint nothin free anywhere for anyone.
6.There are jobs out there. giving him 4 months is just stupid. cause he WILL wait 3&half months to start looking.
Let him know the clothes you bought him (AFTER) are his Christma
s gifts free and clear no strings.
Good Luck

birthmothertalks said...

Kathy, I respect your opinions on this matter and I am worried because he is 18 and all in all no one has to take him in or pay his way in this world. With that said he is my kid so I will do more for him then anyone else but I do have my limits.
Your right my husband doesn't have a job from 9 to 5 and collect a paycheck. He does watch our two and half year granddaughter full time for over 400 a month and while it's not much and I wish his daughter could afford to pay more because a full time job for 400 a month is underpaid. If possible we would like for our granddaughter to be part of our household but in the end it is possible that he will have to get a real job that pays better. Although, we have to weigh the pros and cons with it. I work full time and if my husband worked when I did then we would need childcare for my 12 year old son. I think my husband could use a part time job if even 10 hours a week for his sanity. I don't think giving him four months is stupid. We live in a cold climate and I know that I couldn't toss him out in the cold. I hope he doesn't take 3 and half months to really look. My husband is going to take him to the unemployment office on Monday to see what services that they can offer to help in the job search.
I will blog about the conversation but at the thrift store I went to we could only find one pair of pants and the prices were crazy for used clothes so thanks for the tip for the Goodwill half price day.

Pam said...


I think husband should ask for an increase. $25 a week for a month or two and then another $25 a week after awhile. You/he needs to look at what other people in you area are paying for child care to know the going rate. Use the money to feed the girlfriend. Husband should at least go to the Y to get out of the house since it seems to work for your family for him to be home.

An 18 year old is rarely ready to live on their own. Yes, you need money to survive. Maybe he should go to the food banks. I think more important is for Alex to get a college education or go to a trade school. Are there stipulations with the child support if he is going to school that it should continue? Where does he see his self in 10 years? Put it back on him that he needs to make a plan. Does he want to be living with you then. Does he want to be a responsible adult in his own place with hot water and electricity?

When we asked our 18 year old daughter to do the math for living on her own earning minimum wage she realized she needed to wait. She is doing online college and has been very helpful at home lately. I really appreciate the help and mostly a good attitude.

I said feed the girl friend because in the end you want to be welcoming and caring and have a better relationship with your children. (I don't with my mom either) Make a big pot of pinto beans, freeze some, keep tortillas and lettuce on hand so the kids can make burritos easily.

We feed our daughters boyfriend and when I have some kind of job that he can help out with he is very willing.

In our family I get frustrated because I too often feel that I am the only one trying to teach responsibility.

birthmothertalks said...

Thanks Pam, I will have to suggest to my husband that he ask for an increase. I beleive they can afford to pay more but that's just my opionion. I don't know if the Y suggestion would work because he isn't on my membership so to add him would cost me more money plus usually when I leave our granddaughter is here waiting to be picked up. It is something to consider though. I am beginning to get a 20% discount due to my company. We don't have anything written on the child support that he would still pay if he was in school. As of right now he hasn't paid in two weeks due to having time off. I messaged me and told me that they took it out of his check but not sure if the amount is the same or less since this will be the first payment since Alex turned 18. I have to get down to the court house and file a date to increase child support based on a new job.
I will have to try to talk to Alex about long term plans. I know he could use some education but he isn't a good student. He is smart but is lazy at the same time.