Perspective from guest blogger (international adoption)

One of my favorite things about blogging about adoption is how it brings people together that otherwise might not or probably wouldn't have gotten to know someone on another side of adoption. I don't mean to say this in a way that one group wouldn't be nice to the other but people tend to really put their hearts on the line when it comes to blogging on line.

Check out Leah's blog. She adopted her son from Ethiopia and during that process of adopting they found themselves pregnant so she is also the Momma to a beautiful little girl. Go here to check out her blog.



Question 1. I am reading through your old blog posts from the beginning. After several attempts to become pregnant with treatments and it failing you said, "We quickly decided that international adoption was best for our family" Can you explain why you and your husband thought international adoption was best compared to domestic adoption in the US?

My husband and I had always been interested in adoption. But really, what finally helped us make the decision to adopt was that we wanted to be parents more than anything. I had found peace that I would never have a biological child, but I wasn't going to accept not being a mom. So, for us, adoption was the easy answer. We at first looked into domestic adoption, but it scared me. My husband and I had already been through a lot of heartache with failed treatments, I didn't want to experience another heartache of not being chosen by a birthmom, or a birthmom changing her mind after I had grown attached to the child. (And in my home state, birthmom's have 30 days to change their mind) International adoption seemed more like a sure thing.


Question 2 How did you choose Ethiopia over any of the other countries?

Both my husband and I work outside of the home, so we knew whatever adoption path we choose, how much time we'd have to miss work mattered a lot. Many countries that are available to adopt from, you are required to stay there for a long time. This helped us narrow down our choices to either Ethiopia or Columbia. My husband and I had always been drawn to Africa. . . especially because his family is from Egypt. This made us feel really good about adopting from Ethiopia.

Question 3 You blogged about happily finding yourself pregnant during your adoption process. At anytime did you feel worried that your journey to adopting a child from Ethiopia could jeopardized due to your pregnancy?

My first reaction when I found out I was pregnant was pure joy. But after a few minutes, it was pure terror! We had mailed our Dossier to Ethiopia 4 days before me finding out I was pregnant. I was very nervous that this would jeapordize our adoption plans, and I didn't want that to happen. My husband and I wanted to adopt. We were emotionally invested in the process and at no time wanted to back out. But I was really scared that this would all be possible. I waited to tell our adoption agency until I was 12 weeks pregnant, and when I finally told them, they were very excited for me, and we changed some paperwork, but luckily it didn't delay the adoption process at all.

Question 4 At what moment during your international adoption journey did it become real to you? May 4th, 2010, it became very REAL. This is the day we got our referral and saw our son's picture for the first time, and got to read about his story. My husband and I sat at the computer and just cried. We were happy to "meet" our son, but so sad for all that he had endured. I was 7 months pregnant at the time, with my big ole belly, while looking at a picture of my son in a far away land. It was surreal, but finally, very very real.

Question 5 While in Ethiopia, did you feel like you had to anything unethical? I asked because I recall reading a book about someone adopting from China and they had been told to bring money for "gifts" I know unethical things happen during adoption, but I was lucky to never witness it. We were actually told not to bring money for tips. I stayed in a guesthouse affiliated with the orphanage, and I made payment before I even arrived in Ethiopia. We were told all the tips, etc, was covered before hand, and that I shouldn't give additional handouts. Also, I was lucky that I never saw anything unethical at the orphanage. We all did bring donations such as clothes, diapers, and shoes, but I know those are going for a very good cause.

Question 6 Are you and your husband doing as a family to ensure Khalil knows about his culture? As in traditions, Ethiopia meals, special holidays or anything other stuff that comes to mind.

We are lucky that we live in a metropolitan area with a large Ethiopian community. We celebrate the Ethiopian holidays with Khalil and we attend events put on by the Ethiopian community here. We need to do more though. I really want to learn how to cook some Ethiopian dishes. I really want to make sure Khalil never loses his heritage. It's such a big part of who he is.

Question 7 I remember reading your very touching accounts of the days you spent in Ethiopia with the other adopting families. Are you still in contact with any of them?

I am still in contact with the other adoptive families, and it's been such a blessing to have them in my life! Going through adoption with other people, there is hardly anything that can create a bond more than that! I've been very lucky that one of these families live just over an hour drive away. This family has a son just a month younger than Khalil. We have had many playdates with them, and our kids play so well together. I often email the mom about things going on with Khalil and to bounce ideas off of her. I dream that in the near future, we'll be able to have a reunion with all of these families. I feel forever bonded to them.

Question 8 Did any of your family object to to you adopting a child outside of your race?

Unfortunately yes. My family was okay with it, but Taher's family had some objections. They are Egyptian and didn't understand why we didn't just adopt an Egyptian baby. Although I saw their point, this was our choice and our journey. And not only that, but adoption isn't even legal in Egypt! Once Khalil got home, all of those objections went away, and he was welcomed with open arms.

Question 9 What as been your biggest challenge in raising a child outside of your race?

Currently, the biggest challenge is other people's looks and comments. Everyone looks at our family, and wonders how it all fits together. Khalil is still too young to really understand. We do talk about the difference in our looks, we talk about adoption, and read a lot of books on adoption, but I think our challenges with him and how he deals with this haven't even begun yet.

Question 10 Have you started talking to Khalil about his adoption? We do. I made Khalil a lifebook that documents his life so far, and when our paths met. We also have a lot of great adoption books that we read daily. But again, I don't think he gets it yet. But we'll keep talking about it. And the fact that he does look so different than us, I don't think he'll ever be surprised by the fact tha the is adopted.


Question 11 I don't imagine kids as young as yours see race yet but have your children said anything to lead you to believe that they do know the difference between themselves?

Not yet. But my daughter Scarlett, who is 19 months old, thinks every little black boy is her brother. She'll point and say, "Khalil?" And I need to explain that it is not Khalil.

Question 12 Do you know anything about your sons birthparents and birth story?

Unfortunately we do not. And this bothers me, and makes me see how big of a blessing an open adoption can be. I assume that whatever strong woman made the choice she made with Khalil did it out of love for him, but that's not something I'll ever be able to confirm, and that bothers me. We all have the right to know who we come from. Even though Khalil is so loved and so wanted, I think this will be a struggle for him someday.


Question 13 After the shock of discovery that you were going to have a baby by birth. What was the biggest surprise of having a baby by birth? and the biggest challenge?

One of the biggest surprises when I got pregnant was how excited people were for me. I never felt that same excitement level when I announced our plans for adoption. That was hurtful. But everyday I am grateful that I got to experience pregnancy, and that I have a biological child. And even more than that, everyday I am grateful that Khalil and Scarlett have each other. They are truly best friends, and I couldn't imagine my life without either of them. Our story, although bizarre, just feels right. The biggest challenge had to have been caring for a newborn. Nothing can prepare anyone for that experience!


Question 14 You just blogged about increasing hours on the job. How did you choose your daycare options for your children?

We really didn't want Khalil to be with too many people when he first got home because that's how life was for him in the orphanage. We wanted our home to be a safe place for him, so it seemed like an easy decision to go with a nanny who would come into our house. It's really worked well for us, and Khalil and Scarlett both really like her.

Question 15 Do you have desires to add more children to your family down the road? If so.. would you attempt adoption or by birth or both? and why that choice?
I haven't ruled out a 3rd child, but there are no immediate plans. If we did have a 3rd, I would try to do it through pregnancy. I have said this, I would never do infertility treatment again, and I also don't picture myself every adopting again. So many people make international adoption seem so wonderful. To me, I couldn't get over the pain I saw. I felt guilty and conflicted removing Khalil from his country. The process was emotionally draining. And although I know have my son who I am so in love with, I just don't see my family ever going down that path again.

Question 16 My daughter's parent's had a child a few years after adopting her and I used to wonder how the children were treated or loved different because of birth or adoption. Do you worry about trying to ensure your children that you love them equally?
This is such a great question, and something I think about and worry about constantly. I never want Khalil to feel second rate. Ever. I feel like a lot of people who have adopted and also have biological children aren't honest about how they feel. I have to believe I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. Carrying a baby in my tummy for 9 months, and feeling those kicks, and getting to look into her eyes the moment she was born, well, there is something to be said for that. Our bond was immediate. I met Khalil when he was 10 months old. He had already developed a personality. He didn't know me at all, and the bonding process took much longer. I will say this though. . . I love them both equally. And I try to carve out special time with both of them so they both know how loved they are. I want to give Khalil the confidence that he belongs in our family, that he is loved fiercely and equally.

Question 17 What have you enjoyed most about my blog? Your blog was the first birthmom blog I ever wrote. I was immediately drawn to it because of your honestly. You say exactly how you feel, and you often talk about topics that others won't address, but perhaps want to. When I read your blog, I can literally feel your pain for your daughter. You have the ability to transform the reader into your life, and that's a wonderful talent.

Question 18 Do you have a favorite blog written by adoptive parents? birthparents? adoptees? I read many blogs by adoptive parents mostly, and there are so many I love! One of my favorites is www.ourlittlebuster.blogspot.com. She has an adorable Ethiopian boy, and I feel like the writer has become a friend in real life as well. (although we've never met) You are my favorite birthmom blog. :)


Question 19 I imagine your pretty busy with two young children. What do you and T do to keep your relationship strong?

We try to do date nights every once in a while. I really don't like being away from the kids, so usually we put the kids to bed, and have the sitter come, so the kids never even know we are gone. This past summer, we went away for a weekend and had my parents stay with the kids, which was great. In March, we are going to start Tango lessons once a week. I think it's so important to keep your spousal relationship first and foremost. The stronger our relationship is, the better we can parent.

Question 20 What do you do to take time for yourself?

Once every couple of months I go to happy hour with girlfriends. During the kid's naptime, sometimes I'll go to the salon or go get a pedicure. And once in a while when the kid's go to bed, I'll head to the movie theatre all by myself and watch the cheesiest "chick flick" imaginable.

Question 21 Do you have any advice for someone starting the process to adopt a child from another country?

It's a very difficult process and do a lot of research before starting the process. I would also tell people that how you feel prior to adopting and how you feel afterwards may be entirely different. I am not the same person that set out to adopt in 2009. Adoption changes you.

In October of 2011, I went on the retreat for Mom's of special needs children. It was really nice and one of the many things they offered was nails ect for the Mom's.

I was really excited to get a manicure and the lady was late and I never got mine in.

Shortly after that, my daughter and I started to get our nails painted. We also once got our feet done. After she moved, it took me some time before I was ready to face getting my nails done without her.

I learned about this expensive polish (manicure) that is a no chip polish and they suggested I try it the next time.

When we got our tax refund, my husband encouraged me to do some things for myself. Sunday of last week, I went for the pedicure and the no chip manicure. I can't recall the name of the polish but it's been a week and it's held true to it's word. I am really impressed and hope to be able to do it once a month.

My husband encouraged me to do something with my hair since all I ever did was pull it back. I knew of a girl who just started her own business renting her own chair. Monday, she cut my hair, put layers in it and thinned it out. I love it.

Friday, I went to my son's school for Muffins with Mom. I got to see how other children do some up to my son and say"hey man" and slap each other. My sister went with us because my son thought she should come since she gives him rides and stuff.

Here is a picture of my son and I from Muffins with Mom. He is in middle school so this Mom loves that they still invite the parents. My son has told me that I am not invited for lunch anymore. I used to show up a few times a year with fast food or just all on my own. He has told me that's just for grade school students.

Yesterday, I called the state child support place to see if we had payment yet. My husband made fun of me saying they are gonna say "it's that Smith girl again and no we don't have money" To our surprise they did get the payment of 107 on the account.

So, I call the people who do the debit card and my husband thought I sounded so bossy. He said, I used my Mommy voice with the guy.
At first, they didn't want to talk to me cause I didn't remember the phone number from about 4 years ago. I knew everything else but not it.

I asked about getting the card asap as they had advertised and they said it was 15 dollars and I would have to call tomorrow cause the 107 isn't available until tomorrow. I told the guy just send the card cause if I waited this long I could wait longer. My husband said it was so cute how I talked to him.

Now, it will be another 5 to 10 business days before we get the payment and I am just grateful for right now the payment options is out of his hands.

The ironic part of this is that I couldn't get the card until I had a deposit so they could charge me the five dollars for the card and the guy said he would waive the fee for the card.

MELD

This weekend, I spent the donation for MELD that I received. I bought a pack of newborn diapers, a bottle, baby soap, baby brush, a bottle, baby wipes, baby blanket and baby wash clothes. I think that about covers it all. I am on the hunt for a used diaper bag and want to buy a few more baby related items.

Monday, I went to volunteer for them and at first I was the only volunteer and one Mom wouldn't leave her kid because I already had four kids which two were under six months old. Then, another volunteer did show up but I can't recall if that Mom brought her kid back in or not. I do recall her saying she needed to be held the whole time cause she was sick. I don't quite understand why the Mom would bring a sick baby.

I noticed that the other volunteers were not there and I asked about it. They said a couple of them changed nights. I asked if they have been having enough people and he said "not really" There is a part of me that wants to jump in and save them but I have to do what is right for my family. It's better for my family to have me home. I secret wish they would offer me a part time job but that's probably not likely since it's all about having funding to do what they do for the Mom's and babies. It's not that I really want to be paid for what I do but if I earned a little bit of money.. I would drop a few hours from my day job to be there.

I found out about the child support. My children's father payday isn't what he told me. I called his office to ask if it had been withheld and I was told that their payday dates changed. He did get paid on the 17th and they withheld the payment. So, the wait starts again for us to wait to get support. This means that he most likely got paid on the 2nd and didn't send payment in even though the judge told him to. My husband thinks if the payment isn't doubled then I should take him back to court for the payment.

I don't know what to do. I really don't want to stir up anymore trouble if I don't have too but I get why my husband thinks we should. The judge told him to do it and he didn't. Also, he had his tax return so it's almost like him saying F You. I am not paying.

The waiting starts again on the state getting it. Then, I have to call and ask them to send me the debit card. They won't send me the card until they see money on the account. Also, they won't send me a check until I sign some paperwork saying I want to cancel the debit card.

It says it's my responsibility to spend any money on the card and they won't send a check so it worries me to cancel it and the money gets to the state around the same timing as the letter to cancel.

adoptee bloggers

Starting with the first two adoptees that I started reading and have gotten to share with them a little bit past blogging.

Laurel at Standing in Faith. Go here. She really hasn't been blogging much (hint hint) but she is still a good blog to read.

Victoria at all things new. Go here. She is another adoptee that I have felt that we have shared things about our struggles with adoption related issues outside of blogging.

I love this blog. She has some awesome topics and I enjoy reading things from her perspective.

My newest blog written by an adoptee is this one here. She is honest and real on her blog and I love that. Check out her blog for sure.

I am sure there are other blogs that I am forgetting but this is the majority of the adoptee ones that I love and look forward to their posts.

Can I ask a really silly question for those with older children? Do you give your older children free run of the groceries as in snacks?

Stephen my 11 year old son has grown up knowing he has to ask for snacks and does and honestly I have only caught him sneaking something one time. If he was eating things without permission, I would catch him cause he has a bad habit of leaving his trash lay around.

Alex has seemed to grow up (the last few years with Dad) to just take food here and there and if asked he won't quite admit it. We have taken to putting some food in the bedroom. Today, the kids came home from their Dad's and Alex said he wasn't hungry and didn't eat with us. I had gone grocery shopping and bought two boxes of cereal bars. I left two of each box in the cabinet and put the others in my room.

Within the night, three out of the four are gone. Alex said, he ate one and then it went to two. It's just bugs me that he "helps" himself to food and is kind of piggish about it. I buy those things because they are easy for on the go snacks and not really eating them at home. Also, they are lower in calorie say than a candy bar.

I really don't mind so much children helping themselves to fruit. I even just bought me a cool little basket and I am calling it our fruit basket. Even then, I don't think kids should be piggish with the fruit. I go shopping about once a week and spend on average 75 a week but sometimes more. I really can't afford to go more often or do I want to go more often.

Sorry for venting. I am worried if Alex doesn't follow our rules that all hell will break lose with Stephen and I don't want that at all.

Guest blogger

It's my pleasure to give you an Question and answer session with an adoptive Mom. I love how blogging has brought people in the adoption triangle together that otherwise would never have crossed paths.

Wendy and her husband Steve adopted a little baby girl a couple years ago. I think Zoe is too cute! Wendy is one of my favorite adoptive Mom blogs because she writes about open adoption here and there. I can't remember the point when I started reading her blog but I believe it was before or during around the time they adopted Zoe.

You can go visit her blog here.



This is kind of long because I got on a roll with the questions and couldn't stop. Thanks Wendy for answering the questions for me.

Question 1. I am reading thru your blog from the start. You started your blog with writing about your experience about fertility treatments. You mentioned that you had a couple meetings with adoption agencies. Was there anything about adoption that turned you away from it and chose the treatment route?


No, there wasn't anything about adoption that turned us away from it at that point. We were in the middle of treatment, and we had decided to explore adoption as well. When we were trying to start a family, we tried for almost a year before seeking the help of a reproductive endocrinologist (or R.E.) We tried lesser-invasive procedures first; we did four IUIs (intra-uterine inseminations.) They didn't work for us. Our R.E. felt like we would be good candidates for IVF (in-vitro fertilization.) Steve and I had a lot of conversations during all of this - we agreed that we wanted to become parents, and it could happen through treatments or adoption. We wanted to research both options. So at that point we met with two adoption agencies - we went to informational meetings about domestic and international adoption. We preferred one agency over the other and felt like adoption was a possibility for us. (We found out after we chose this agency that a childhood friend of mine and her husband had just used this agency to adopt one of their sons from Ethiopia. It was just a coincidence that we chose the same agency, but we were happy to hear that they had a great experience with them.) We also explored fostering, but we decided it wasn't right for us at that point. We also felt like we wanted more information about IVF. After learning more, we decided to give IVF a chance since we were already in the middle of treatment. Even while doing IVF, I was still feeling drawn to adoption. I remember reading so many books and blogs that were adoption-related. It gave me hope to know that there were lots of ways to build our family.


Question 2. How did you choose between domestic adoption compared to international?


We went to meetings at our agency and learned about the various programs they offer - they were working with about 6 countries at the time. We learned about domestic adoption as well. Ultimately we decided to choose domestic adoption because we would be able to adopt a newborn. We also really liked that with domestic adoption we would probably be able to have background information including a medical history from our child's birthparents.


Question 3. From reading your blog, I know your daughter's adoption is open and that includes visits. Did you know from the start of the adoption process that you wanted it open? If no. What were your fears about open adoption and what changed your mind?


In the very beginning we knew our agency mainly did semi-open adoptions. Our case worker asked us if we would consider an open adoption. She shared her knowledge and personal experience with it. We talked about it and thought about how great it could be for our child to have a relationship with his/her birthparents. We thought about how important it is to know where you come from, what your nationality is, who you resemble, what your medical history is, etc. Plus to have that relationship with your birthmom (or both birthparents) where you can talk to them, ask them questions, or share your feelings -- that's so important.


As far as having fears about an open adoption, I guess mainly the fear is just the unknown. We had never adopted before, so it would be our first experience with it.


Question 4 How have your friends and family responded to your open adoption?


Early on we did hear some concerns from some friends and family members when we told them we were adopting and when we told them we had decided that we preferred an open adoption. The idea was very new to most of them. I think our friends and family knew how much we had been through in our struggle to start a family, and they worried it would become even harder.


Now that we actually have an open adoption with Zoe's birthmom and her birth family on the birthmom's side, our family and friends see how great the relationship is for all of us - Zoe's birthmom, her family, Zoe, and us. My parents, sisters, and cousins along with some friends have been able to meet Zoe's birthmom and family, too.


Question 5 What has been the craziest thing anyone has ever said to you regarding adoption?


I went to a holiday party for my sister's work when Zoe was about 3 months old. I was showing one of my sister's coworkers a picture of Zoe and her date said, " Don't worry...it will be just like she's your daughter." I was so taken aback by the comment because she is/was my daughter; she was also her birthmom's daughter. I felt like a mom in those very early moments, and she most certainly felt like my daughter. I think he said what he said out of not knowing what the right thing to say was. Zoe has two mothers who love her very much.


Also when we were looking into adoption, one coworker wanted to know why I would consider adopting from another county if the baby wouldn't look like me. There is so much more to being a family than looking like someone. She didn't see it that way, I guess.


Question 6 Do you plan to adopt more children in the future?


We hope to some to adopt again someday but don't have any set plans right now.


Question 7 If you plan to adopt again in the future. Would you turn down a possible match if the prospective birthmom wanted a closed adoption? I personally wonder how it would be for two children to grow up in the same household with one adoption being closed and one open. If you would go along with a closed adoption. How would you explain the differences to your children. By the way, I think you rock open adoption!!!


Thank you for saying that. No, I don't think we would turn down a possible match, but I do think that we would be clear in our profile that we hoped to have a second open adoption. That would be our preference. We think it would be harder to have one adoption be open and one be closed. I think it would be very hard to explain that to a small child. I think we as parents would have to make sure that our child (children) knew that he/she could always talk to us and that we would do our best to explain his/her birthparents' wishes for a closed adoption. We would try to explain it in an age-appropriate way, too.


Question 8 How was the process of waiting to be chosen by potential birthparents? Did the wait make you feel bad because you were not chosen? As in what's wrong with me?


We were told that the wait could be 2 years or more, so we tried to prepare ourselves for that. The way our agency works, every other month you get an email from your caseworker letting you know how many times your profile was shown. I think we weren't shown at all at first, and then we were shown a couple times by month 4. We found out we had been chosen by an expectant mom around month 6. That short of a wait is not a typical waiting period, so we were really surprised and ecstatic, to say the least!


The waiting is hard. We had already been trying to start our family for a really long time. Yes, many times we felt bad because we weren't chosen. We just wanted to be parents, and we knew we had to wait for the right person to come along and choose our profile. There were things in our profile that Zoe's birthmom really liked. Those things along with the fact that we wanted an open adoption were some of the reasons why she chose us to be Zoe's parents.


Question 9 When it comes to the adoption process and being matched and the hospital time when Zoe's birthmom went into labor. Is there anything that you would do different?


The waiting is stressful, so I guess if there was anything I could do to make it less stressful I would do that! But as far as the actual process, meeting Zoe's birthmom and her family, getting to know them, and the hospital time - no, I wouldn't change anything. We really tried to just take things as they came; we knew it wasn't up to us at that point. We really care about and love Zoe's birthmom and her family, too, and we just hoped that they knew that. The day Zoe was born was a bittersweet day -- we were overjoyed that we were hopefully going to become parents, but it was an incredibly hard time for Zoe's birthmom and her birth family.


Question 10 Who has been your strongest source of comfort as you struggled with infertility and the adoption process?


Friends and family have been there for us at different moments or during different tough times. We shared our infertility struggles with just a few family members and friends, so it was a smaller circle of people who knew about that. By the time we were adopting, we had shared our news with everyone. Two friends who really supported me along the way are waiting to adopt right now, so I hope that I can be a source of comfort for them as well.


Question 11 How did you get turned onto blogging about infertility and adoption?


I was a member of some chat boards for infertility and a lot of the other members had blogs. I started reading them and decided to start to write my own. It was a good way to get my feelings out and get feedback from other people dealing with the same issues. When we decided to adopt I wrote about the process and what steps we had to take.


Question 12 Can you tell me what adoptive Mom's blog that writes about open adoption is your favorite and why?


I like the R House (http://www.therhouse.com/) a lot. She has a lot of great information on her blog and shares a lot about her own open adoption experiences.


I also really like Production, Not Reproduction (http://www.productionnotreproduction.com/). I love how the blogger encourages others to share their experiences in round table discussions.


Question 13 Do you have a favorite blog written by a birthmom besides my own? :) And why?


Well, I definitely like reading your blog, but as far as other birthmom blogs, I would say I like to read Amstel Life (http://amstel-life.blogspot.com/), Sailing My Way Through...
(http://wheredoibegain.blogspot.com/), and It's Just One Hat (http://pmojzak.blogspot.com/.)


Question 14 Can you tell me what perspective that you have gained the most from reading my blog?


I like reading about your relationship between you and your daughter and how it has evolved. I also appreciate what you have shared as far as your past goes and how you have dealt with things in your life along the way to the present. I think it's really good to read about others' adoption experiences because they are all so different from each other.


Question 15 Do you have a favorite blog written by adoptees? Why is it your favorite?


I guess I don't really have a favorite at this point, but I'm open to suggestions. I love finding new blogs to read.








Question 16 I have a blog or two that I read but secretly or maybe even one that isn't so secret that we bump heads. Do you have any adoption related blogs that you read even though it's kind of like a car crash? (meaning you can't keep from looking)


No, not at this point...


Question 17 Before finding blogs written by adoptive parents, yours included, I had a very negative thoughts and opinions against all adoptive parents. One issue was that I didn't think it was possible for adoptive parents to love their adoptive children compared to had they given birth to them. From reading blogs, like yours and others, I know that I was wrong. That adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them. Not more not less. Can you take me back to the day when your daughter was placed in your arms. What kind of emotions were you facing? Just for the record, I no longer feel poorly about adoptive parents in general due to reading others blogs.


Steve and I got the phone call that morning that our daughter had been born. Our daughter's birthmom's caseworker called us to tell us. My first question was how was our daughter's birthmom; I just wanted to know that she was okay. She had been in labor for quite a while. We were told that she was doing okay, and that she wanted us to come to the hospital that afternoon. We were so happy, excited, nervous, and scared all rolled into one. We drove to the hospital - it was about an hour and a half away from where we live. We went up to the nursery and were given wristbands. We went into a small room that was across from the actual nursery. One of the nurses explained how everything would work - that we would have time with our daughter, but if her birthmom wanted to have her in her room, they would do whatever she wanted. We understood.


They wheeled Zoe into the room in her bassinet. The nurse talked to us about her and let us look at her. She showed us her little fingers and toes. She showed us how to change a diaper and how to feed her. I held her first. She was so tiny and so very beautiful. She was amazing. I had dreamed of having a baby for so very long and to hold her - finally - in my arms - words just don't really express how it felt. It just felt right - to be holding our little girl. Seeing Steve hold her was one of the best moments of my life - to get to see him hold our daughter for the very first time. He also fed her a bottle - it was very sweet to watch him do that.


Zoe's birthmom asked us to come and see her in her room before we left the hospital for the night. We were asked by her caseworker to just stay about 10 minutes or so. She held Zoe in her arms and fed her a bottle while we talked with her. I remember asking her how she was doing and telling her that Zoe was beautiful. We had brought her some flowers and a letter. We also gave her a teddy bear; we had bought a similar one for the baby and our plan was to take pictures of the baby each month with the bear. That way she could see how big Zoe was growing each month.


It was really hard. We were all extremely emotional. We love Zoe's birthmom very much, and it was hard to see her in pain. We thanked her for everything and for letting us come to the hospital to get to spend time with her and the baby. As we were leaving, we got to spend a couple minutes with her mom (Zoe's birthgrandma) in the hallway. She gave us a blanket and a pair of pajamas for Zoe. We all cried so much that day. Steve and I left the hospital that night and spent the night at nearby hotel. We were asked to come back the next morning to fill out paperwork and bring Zoe home.


Question 18 Is your daughter beginning to understand her adoption story?


Well, I am not sure how much she understands because she is not quite 2 1/2. But we do talk about adoption with her. We have pictures of Zoe with her birthmom and her birth family in her bedroom as well as other rooms in our home. We have pictures of her with her birth family in scrapbooks. We made a "Zoe's Adoption Story" book so that we could read her story to her at bedtime (or whenever.) We also read a lot of children's adoption books such as Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born, Over the Moon, and We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families.


We are really lucky to have the kind of relationship that we have with Zoe's birthmom and her family. We hope that our relationship will continue to grow as Zoe continues to grow.


Question 19 How do you draw the line between having an open blog writing about open adoption and not saying too much about your daughter's birth parents?


It's very important to me to respect the privacy of my daughter's birthmom and her birthfamily. I am very happy that we have this relationship with them, and I would never want to do anything to harm that. We have so much respect for her birthmom and her decision to choose adoption for her/our daughter. When I write, I try to express my point of view and share a little bit about our visits with her birthmom and her family. I try not to share specific details -- I really feel that this is not just our story - it's Zoe's story and her birthparents' story, too. We have limited information about Zoe's birthfather; some of what we know we have kept private and some we have shared with family. When Zoe is older, we will give her more information and she can decide what she wants to share with others.


Question 20 Sometimes, it seems like adoption is passed down in families. Example, some adoptees become birthparents. Also, my daughter's birthfather was placed for adoption and two of his children were placed for adoption. I know Zoe is young but have you put any thought into how you might handle preventing her from getting pregnant before she is ready to be a Mom? Or how you would handle the situation if she did experience a pregnancy before she was ready? Do you think you would be more on the side of helping raise the baby or adoption?


My plan is to try to be open with Zoe about health issues, including sex education. I hope that we will have the kind of relationship where she will feel like she can talk to me and ask me questions. I am hoping that if I (we) talk to her about sex and explain what can happen, she'll make the best decisions for her. I know that my preference would be for her to wait until she's ready (meaning emotionally ready as well as ready to handle a possible pregnancy and raise a baby), but only she can make that decision. Hopefully I can give her advice or information to help her with that. If she did become pregnant, we would have to talk about her choices and if raising the baby would be the best choice for her and the baby. I think that is kind of a tough question to answer until you are actually placed in that situation.


This ends the interview.

Wendy, thanks again. You said you were open to suggestions on blogs written by adoptees. I will save my suggestions for another post since this is pretty long already.

Alex was promised by his Dad that if he got one of his laptops fixed that he could have the other one. He didn't really go back on the offer but my son has to keep the laptop at his Dad's place. My son is mad and I don't blame him but that's just how he is. He treats Stephen this way too. My son has been wanting a laptop for a while. This is cruel. Why even bother saying it is his. I almost wish their Dad wouldn't do gifts because he can't freely give them to the kids. I have given my son cash, gift cards ect. I know he has treated his Dad to the movies. I never said the movie card only works if I am with you. I give gifts freely without conditions. .
I am just very mad.

Child support stuff:

9 days ago, my children's father got paid and we have yet to see any money deposited into my states way of taking and paying child support.

6 more days, until my children's father get paid again.

They are suppose to take the money out of his check but if they didn't get the paperwork in then he is suppose to send it in to the state and the state pay me.

The state says the employers has 7 business days to send the payment but on the form that I had to fill out. I wrote it's to get sent within 2 business days.

Financially, we are on top right now, because we got our tax return. I am not looking for the money cause we "need" it at the moment but more so because we need it in the future.

As of right now, the child support is suppose to go on a debit card, which I no longer have because it's been years since we have gotten child support. They have refused to issue me another card until we have a deposit. They refuse to send a check until I receive a form and send it back to them to make it direct deposit. As of right now, it doesn't matter cause there isn't any money.


I don't think the system is set up right. If I was a single Mom by the time I got child support ordered and it was taken from the Dad's check (if it was) I wouldn't have time to play games.

However, I do see how the father or even Mother (non custodial parent) wouldn't pay cash directly to the parent with the children because it wouldn't count as them paying the support and they would still owe the money if it didn't go through the state.

As of right now, I am not too worried. As long as they did take it form his check then once I get money coming in for support it should come in on a regular basis until he is out of work because their Dad has a job that will most likely leave him without income in the summer months.

teenager

I am struggling with the fact that my oldest son will be earning a GED and not a diploma at a regular high school. I know there is no point in him going back to a normal high school but I had my hopes high for him at least earning a diploma thru the alternative school.

My son has gotten a couple F's even at this school. He is suspended right now for leaving class. There were only 4 children in the class but he still can't behave himself. My husband is accusing me of being negative towards the GED and honestly I am. I am just not proud of him right now. There is a small part of me that wishes I didn't bring him back to live with me. That makes me feel bad just admitting it but it's true. He is suppose to be a role model to his little brother and isn't one to look up to.

Maybe, some of my negative feelings is cause I often feel weird telling people that I graduated at an alternative school and I wanted better for him. I feel like I had been through hell and back and make it work so I could graduate on time and with a diploma. This school doesn't seem to "the same" as I went too. They don't even want to encourage him to graduate through them earning credits. They made that up in the beginning. Also, they claim that my son is the only student that has made it from the beginning until now. The "school" I went to yes had people drop out but people made it too. They say my son can still graduate in a cap and gown but what is going to be a class of one?

Maybe, I am turned off by the GED because if he can't make classes at this alternative school where the average class size is about five then how can he make college? How is he going to handle a job? Am I going to have him live in my basement until he is 30 playing video games? We already plan on the possibility that my youngest son who is special needs may live at home longer but not both of them.

The school says they will help him get signed up for a junior college but who are we kidding? The really ironic thing is that my son really smart. I swear he is. They think he will pass the GED tests with little trouble.

I been bugging him to find a part time job because he has a fine due for 600 this month. He goes to court and who knows what the judge is going to do. My husband is going to go with him and request community service to get this past him.

If my son walks out of class one more time or gets mouthy he will be kicked out of school. I know a lot of our issues is because he did live with his Dad who didn't take care of his needs or make sure he went to school but at some point he has to just do what he has to do.

He seems to have a real issue with authority and if he doesn't get past it then he is going to have a rough life. I am 35 years old and I have to deal with authority and I don't always like it. I do like the fact that with my job, I don't have a boss breathing down my back all day. But that's not the point. I do what I have to do. I don't always like it. If I was anything like my son we would go hungry cause I would have went off the wall when I found out the new employees make just about the same as I do and I am five year employee. But I just deal with it. I need a job.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

diaper bag for meld

This weekend,I am going to use the donation for MELD to put something together. I am thinking a diaper bag full of goodies for a new Mom. I will post pictures when I am done with it. Anyone else feel up to donating to help put an awesome bag together or has a gently used diaper bag that you can send would be great. I plan on using a little of my tax refund to complete th help make the donation that I was given to go farther. The first person to add to my funds can tellme to make the bag for a new baby girl or baby boy.

Happy Valenetine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day to all my fellow bloggers and to your love of your life and your little children!! This is the first year that we won't be filling out tons of Valentines for my son's classmates. As much as that stuff did kind of get old it's a little sad to see that stage in life gone.

My husband and I really are not into the holidays where it almost feels forced to buy gifts. So, we never really started the tradition of going out on Valentines Day or getting each other flowers or candy.

Actually, my first husband was more into going out to dinner on Valentines Day and I never thought of it as a fun thing to do. I would much rather have a random date night then one that is so popular that we have to wait for dinner. Just not my idea of a fun time.

I do like to get flowers and get my husband flowers but they are reserved for more special days just for us. I tend to remember Veteran's Day because my husband did his time in the Navy before I met him. I tend to bring him flowers on the anniversary of the day that he had a seizure from lack of drinking. He hasn't drank since and I sort of look at it as his birthday. It's also been a real turning point in our relationship. It's wasn't the total fix because our marriage was on the rocks for several reasons and not all of them were his fault.

My husband's and mine relationship has really changed. It's gone from a lot of hate to love and respect and I feel like we are really happy. We are not perfect but I really don't have much to complain about.

I have never been a girl that does make up, paints my nails, wants pedicures or fussed over my hair. I was one of those girts that husband's said you don't need make up to be beautiful. I put my children first and never spend money on nails and stuff.

Reunion with Izzy has made me want to work on being pretty. I fuss over my hair (well not always) I get my nails done from time to time. My goal is a weekly manicure but that's not happening cause I do mostly put my kids first but I am taking dollars for myself now. I am waiting patiently for the day that comes up soon when I can afford to go get a pedicure.

Having a grand daughter has also made me want to take that extra time to apply make up or try to make my hair look cute. In the mornings, my grand daughter, hands in the bathroom with me. Everything I do she wants to do. She wants lotion which I give her. If I rub it somewhere she does the same. When I apply eye shadow, she points to her eye. I lightly touch her eye lid to mostly fool her. When I do my lip gloss, she points to her lips and I put some on her. Then, she does the smacking noise. Not sure where that came from. Maybe, her Mom.

My husband looked in and seen our grand daughter putting lotion on her tummy and laughed. I teased him that he doesn't know what us girls do to smell good and to make ourselves pretty.

He says he likes me doing the girly things. I am glad cause I am close to moving into the category of being a high maintenance wife.

My next thing that I want to try is a nail job that is about 20 or 30 bucks but it's suppose to be a no chip and has the benefit of making your nails stronger. Or that's at least what they say.

I hope everyone has a nice Valentine's day with your loved ones.

I been keeping track of my food intake with "myfitnesspal" ap on my phone since Wednesday. It's making me more away of what an actual serving of food is. I haven't changed a whole lot but I do think I am eating less because I am trying to get closer to the serving size. I have started eating yogurt cause the doc said to eat it or I could get a yeast infection.

I haven't changed much on my workout times. However, I did go to the Y today and weighed myself and looks like I lost eight pounds. I don't quite see how that is possible but I know the doctor scale and the Y scale matched up last week when I went to get checked out.

I told the site that I only want to lose one pound a week so it doesn't have me on a too restricted diet. So, when I go again, I will weigh myself again and see if it's still showing a lower number.

I am recovering from my sinus infection still. I have some of the cough left and up until a couple times ago, I spent several nights not being able to sleep. Tomorrow, is my last day on the antibiotics so hopefully it got all the infection.

myfitnesspal

I was inspired to use an ap called myfitnesspal by a fellow blogger who has done a great job of losing weight. I work out from time to time but never have really counted calories. This ap makes it easy and it's sort of like fb where you can have buddies on there. Its a free ap on smartphones. If any wants to check it out and be my buddy email me at mygrl4meee@yahoo.com. I would link up rebekas blog but I am writing from my phone and I don't know how to do that. Its kind of fun writing things in and it makes me already more aware of what I am eating. If your a follow of her blog you might already know who I am talking about.

About a week ago, someone searched for "meld meeting" and got my blog. It got me thinking about (mytown) MELD and wondering if they were searching for my MELD. I know I say great things about MELD but I know there is those moments when all hell is breaking lose when three babies are screaming that I vent. Or I might vent because a Mom forgot a diaper and I have a baby who is wet and needs a diaper. It's just my nature to say the good and the bad. I hope I give enough credit for the good things MELD is doing and the improvements that the Mom's make. I love watching the babies grow up. I have seen newborns slowly grow to be crawlers and then walkers. I have been around long enough to memorize most of the children's names and can spot most of the mommies if I seen them.

I have taken a bit of a break from volunteering. I only go every other week but it's not cause I don't want to be there. This session has actually been really good. I use this blog for many reasons. If your reading this and you are a MELD Mom then you will find out that I could have been a MELD Mom too. I don't pass judgment. I don't give to MELD because I feel pity towards the Mom's or the babies. I give because I respect you for being strong. I love that your chasing your goals. I love watching you take care of your children. I love that you trust me to watch your child yet you still come to peak in on them if they are crying.

If your a MELD Mom or worker and found my blog please know that I don't use names and I don't take pictures of the children and Mom's.

Guest blogger

It's my pleasure to offer you an interview of questions and answers from another side of adoption. Sometimes, I think it's the side that people often try not to hear. Speaking for myself, adoptees blogs were the last ones that I started gaining an interest in. It's not that I didn't care about adoptees but for me it made me think past the fact of thinking about "my baby" and made me think of my daughter who had a mind of her own and feelings.

I have read posts from adoptees where adoptive parents want to say that "my child" won't feel that way. Or things will be different with my family. Even though, adoptive parents are not the cause of adoption maybe their is a lot of denial in the fact that adoptees do have pain and struggles as they grow and explore more about their first family.


Check out her blog here.



Question 1. At what age did you fully understand adoption? Meaning that you had two sets of parents?

I don't remember the age when my parents first told me. But when I was three, my parents adopted my little sister. I had the whole adoption process re-explained to me and I got to see it from the adoptive family perspective. When I was in eighth grade, I wrote an article about being adopted for my school’s newspaper. The article led to an interesting discussion at home with my adoptive mother, and we stopped talking about my adoption. I don’t remember discussing it with her after that until I was a lot older. When I turned 18, I started doing some searching on the Internet, but not seriously. My next go at my adoption thinking was when my sister told me about finding all my paperwork. I was twenty-one years old. I thought that I could put in on the shelf, but that didn’t work out so well. I’d say that I started to fully understand my adoption and what the consequences of it were after I’d reunited with my first parents and started to deal with the fallout. It was around my twenty-third birthday that I started to fully get how angry I was when my first mother didn’t acknowledge the day. For me, I’ve reached greater understanding in dealing with the anger and the fact that I had two sets of parent. I needed to process those feelings and work them out in order to fully get what had happened to me. I’m still working through it.

Growing up, I never really thought about both sets of parents. My first mother was this mythical creature who loved me from a distance. She wasn’t a real person. When I finally reunited with her, I saw pictures and she wasn’t the young girl of my dreams, she was a woman with a family of her own that didn’t include me. I thought that I could keep my feelings about her and my first father very separate from my adoptive parents, but it wasn’t so easy once I got to know my first father, who felt more and more like a father every time we talked. I don’t think that I’ll ever fully understand adoption, or how both sets of parents fit into my life. I love all four of my parents very much. They all hold significant places in my heart and they always will.

Question 2 Growing up how often did you think about your first parents?

I thought about my first mother all the time. I had an adoption poem on the wall of my bedroom and I would think of her every time I passed it, so at least twice a day. It was on my wall from ages four to twenty-two. I rarely thought about my first father. I didn’t know anything about him. From time to time I’d imagine that maybe he was someone famous, like a rock star or something, but that was mostly when I was a teenager. Now, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of the two of them and wonder how they are. They are a huge part of my life, and to some extent they always have been.

Question 3 Did you feel comfortable talking about adoption at home?

I don’t talk about my adoption at home anymore. I used to talk to my adoptive mother about it all the time. She’s my best friend so we’d talk about everything under the sun. No topic was off limits. It was hard for her to talk about my adoption. I could tell. But she’d rather know what was going on than to be left in the dark. I left her in the dark a few times and she was very upset by that. She didn’t want it to drive a wedge between us so she worked hard on being supportive and accepting. Now due to health issues, we don’t talk about anything important. I’m just glad to still have conversations about the best way to fold the towels so they fit with her. Adoption is too complicated of a subject. My adoptive father and I never talked about it. It was very hard for him not to have biological children. In his mind, once the paperwork was signed, we were his kids and his kids alone. Our first families meant nothing to him other than a threat. He went to great lengths to make sure they never showed up to take us away. He tried to be supportive of my reunion, but he’s never going to approve. I don’t push it because my reunion is about me and my first family. My adoptive family doesn’t need to be involved. My sister is also adopted. That means that she has her own adoption baggage and views. At her request, we don’t talk about our adoptions anymore. It’s just better for our relationship that way.

Question 4 Do you think it would have been easier to deal with your parents choosing adoption had they not ended up married?

Good question. It’s a question I ask myself all the time. It’s a yes and no answer for me. For starters, I’m really happy that they are married. I grew up thinking my first father was a bad guy. It’s this stereotype that is hard for an adopted person to escape. I figured he’d left my mother. So when I found out that wasn’t the case, it was a huge relief. And when I found out they were married, it made me feel like I came from a good place, a loving place. And I loved that I had full biological siblings. I figured I would have a hard time with the half-sibling thing. At the same time, because they are still together, that means that they have to be on the same page about me. Simply put, they aren’t. They both want different things. It would have been so much easier if they weren’t still together. I might be “out” in my first father’s life. Though lately, I’m thinking that might not be the case. Still, it’s hard to deal with the two of them as individuals when they deal with me together. It’s like an uneven triangle. So it would have been a lot easier for them to be separate. And I wouldn’t have to deal with the emotional pain of knowing that they were engaged less than a year after my birth (I was born in October; they were engaged the next August). I know that things changed for them. And I’m glad that they did get married. But it hurt just a little bit. Sometimes, things just hurt. You can’t do anything about it. You might like the ultimate product, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t sting a little. If that makes sense.

Question 5 Have you ever felt jealousy towards your birth sisters?

It surprises me, but not really. I thought I’d be really jealous of them. They grew up with the family that I should have grown up with. I used to be jealous when I heard about all the fun family stuff they did when they were kids. My adoptive father wasn’t around all that much, so it was hard for me to hear that my first father was a real family guy. He coached my sisters’ softball teams (still does) and went camping with them in the backyard. I was lucky if my father showed up at all to my softball games and wouldn’t even take us to the movies if he didn’t feel like it. It just wasn’t his thing. So that was hard at first. But the more I talked to my first father, the more I realized that it wasn’t as perfect as he made it out to be. They have their fair share of problems. My sisters don’t know they have a sister out there. I’m not jealous of that at all. It is what it is. I love my sisters even though I’ve never met them. I’m more protective of them than jealous and want what’s best for them. It’s weird feeling like a big sister without even knowing them. But somehow I do.

Question 6 From reading your blog.. I believe you grew up thinking that your parents couldn't raise you because they were young. I recall you saying your 24 so your past the stage of having been through an unplanned pregnancy as a teenager.. Do you think your adoption experience helped you make the right choices about sex?

100% yes. I was petrified I was going to grow up to be like my first mother. I was so scared I would end up like her and have to make a hard choice. It certainly helped that I wasn’t popular with the boys, but I think a huge part of that was that I was very conservative and didn’t want to get into trouble. I was very much a “good Catholic girl”. That’s not to say that I didn’t make some bad choices. Somewhere along the way I decided that if it was good enough for her, it was good enough for me. I had some unresolved anger issues and I’ve made some pretty stupid choices. But eventually after I’d heard my full birth story, I came to realize that it didn’t have to be that way. And I was conceived because my first parents didn’t use protection. If it could happen to them, it could happen to me. And I wanted more for myself. I saw how messed up my first mother was about my adoption. I saw the scars it left on her family. The fact that I was born is never going away. I didn’t want to deal with that. So I’ve made better choices because of her.

Question 7 How do you feel about open adoption?

I think that open adoption is a lot better than closed adoption. A lot of the issues that I faced as a kid and a lot of the challenges of being an adoptive child came from the closed system. I would have loved to have known my first parents growing up. I think that open adoption would have been hard too though. Open is better than closed, but not a full solution to the adoption problem.

Question 8 Do you think you would have been more happy in life had you grown up in an open adoption and known your first parents all along?

I wish that my adoption had been open. It would have been great to know who I looked like and where my personality came from. However, I do think it would have been very challenging for me to wonder why my first parents couldn’t keep me if I’d known them my whole life. And it would have been hard to deal with my younger sister as a seven-year-old. I don’t think I would have understood back then what I understand now, that a lot changes in seven years.

Question 9 I know your reunion with your first parents isn't where you would like it to be. If you had to pin point it down to one thing. What do they need to deal with in their life to move on in reunion in the open?

That’s a great question. I’m not really sure. I can’t speak for them and what they need to change. But for me, I know that I would be a lot more willing to communicate if I felt that I was being taken seriously and not as an afterthought. I think it my first parents were open about me and where I fit in their lives, things would go a lot better. They need to figure out what’s holding them back from being open about me. I don’t understand it, but it’s not really my place to understand. I just hope that we get there someday.

Question 10 What do you think about your reunion or desires to know your first parents bothers your parents the most?

For my mom, it’s that she doesn’t want me to get hurt. She saw it coming way before I did. I was so excited I wasn’t careful to guard my heart. I didn’t understand that my first mother might not be happy to hear from me. She seemed happy enough. I didn’t see the giant red flag when she decided not to tell my first father about our reunion once I got back in touch. When my first father entered the picture, she also saw the giant red flag when my siblings weren’t told right away about me. She knew I would be hurt and that it was going to happen. She was so mad about it because she didn’t want me to have to go through it. She tried to step back and let me deal with it but wanted to be there to help me. I didn’t always let her, so it didn’t work out so well for me. I’m just glad we were able to work through it. As for my dad, he doesn’t want them to exist. He wants them to disappear because I’m his daughter and nobody else’s. He’s afraid they will tear our family apart and that they aren’t good people for me to be around. It’s taken me a long time to figure out that those are his issues, not mine.

Question 11 Do you have a favorite blog that is written from adoptive parents? And why is it your favorite?

I’m in love with Sara at Unofficial Mom (http://unofficialmom.blogspot.com/). She rocks my socks. Sara’s got a great adoption story and her daughter is the absolute cutest. Plus Sara’s amazing at listening to others in the adoption triad which makes me respect her so much. It can’t be easy but she makes it work for her daughter. Amazing right? Another one that jumps to mind right away is Lori at Write Mind Open Heart (http://writemindopenheart.com/). She’s pretty cool too. Lori’s written some amazing posts about letting her children grieve. Plus she organized the book tour I recently participated in for Found. Pretty amazing that an adoptive parent picked a book by an adoptee to read. I can imagine it was a hard read for adoptive parents, but she took it on anyway and challenged others as well. I have a few other adoptive parents that I love to follow as well and some great adoptive parents that comment on my blog all the time. I’ve been lucky to meet some really respectful adoptive parents.

Question 12 Is there anything in particular that you have learned from my blog or gotten a new prospective about something from my blog.

I love your blog because you tell it like it is. You deal with your daughter’s adoption without pulling punches or hiding from it. Your writing style is great too. I can’t help but think “It is what it is” when I read your blog and I love that. I think that takes a lot of courage. It doesn’t sound easy but it gives me hope that maybe someday it might work out for me and my first mother. Plus you are very supportive, something that I’ve come to value so much in adoption blogland. I have a lot of respect for your supportive of adoptees and adoptive parents. It’s so refreshing and amazing!


Hope you all enjoyed this and go visit Jen's blog.

upcoming guest blogger and other info

Tomorrow, I will be sharing with you a blog post written by a guest blogger. I am happy to have a change of pace around my blog land to share with you. She is an adoptee. I am happy that she volunteered to do this for me. Come back tomorrow to check out my questions and her answers. I had a little trouble at first asking questions because I do read her blog and feared that I should be asking only things that I don't already know the answer to. Once, I remembered my followers, some who may not be reading her blog.. I relaxed a little because for those who haven't stopped by her blog then it's all brand new information. I felt a lot more comfortable coming up with the questions once that pressure was off of me.

Off the subject of this.. I have put in a request to reduce my hours by 4 hours a week. I been at a steady 40 hours since the end of summer mostly but two of my days start at me leaving work at 9 30 am and not coming home between 11 and 11 30 pm. With the upcoming child support that is coming in.. I feel like I can relax just a little.

It was bad timing that I would get sick and call in right after I said I could relax on the hours. But I did show them the papers that I had seen a doctor so hopefully no harm feelings thinking that I was just screwing off.

Also, both of my remaining bunnies are what my husband calls them fat and happy! We been giving them their veggies trying to keep them going strong.

Speaking of going strong. I am not at 100% but I did go back to work. They called me in the morning and asked me how I was doing. I told the truth that I was starting to feel better but still have coughing fits. I said, I felt like I should go back to my normal stuff because I don't want to push my luck. I did turn it on her and asked her what she thought. She basically told me to keep cough drops on me and to go to work. The real reason she called because they were sending a new caregiver to watch me do my job. I got through the day with only a small amount of coughing but have coughed more at home. I am trying not to suppress it too much because I figure that junk needs to come out.

I hope tomorrow I feel up to take my son to the YMCA event that he likes that is on tomorrow night and for me to get some exercise myself. This week of being sick my husband has taken care of our household. He has been good but he really sucks at grocery shopping. That is something that I do weekly and he's been doing it almost daily and forgets stuff. So, maybe, I can hit up the grocery store too.

I have been very sick. I went to the doctor on Saturday morning and he said that I have a bad sinus infection. I cough so bad that it makes my whole body hurt. I cough so hard that I am peeing myself. ewwww. It's been bad. I have missed three days a work, my paid babysitting job and my volunteering on monday nights.

I feel like I almost just have to go to work tomorrow well or not. I don't know what else to do. I am afraid of pushing my luck with my job, but also not sure if my client will put up with me if I have a coughing fit. None of the over counter medication is doing much for me. I have been on an antibiotic since Saturday morning. Hoping this lets up soon.

MELD donation plans

I haven't spent my most recent donation to MELD yet because when I get my tax refund this month I want to be able to add money to it. My plan is to get a diaper bag and fill it with goodies for a new Mom. I like this idea. I wish I could do it a few times a year for new Mom's. I will post pictures of the goodies that will go in the diaper bag. I am hoping to find a nice used diaper bag at the thrift shop to keep the cost down. I haven't had a baby in ages any suggestions on a must have item for a new baby?

Besides, diapers, bottles and wipes.

Look again!!

I stayed home sick today and read the rest of Look again. I loved this book! I love books that you not wanting to put it down but not wanting a good thing to come to an end. It had an ending that I couldn't have predicted. I would suggest this book to anyone. I won't spoil you with anymore details just in case someone wants to pick up their own copy.

Look again

I am reading a really good book called Look again. Written by Lisa Scottoline. I am half way through this book and I just picked it up yesterday for five bucks. I love it! The story is about an adoptive Mom who gets mail and it's a missing child paper and it looks just like her son she adopted at a year and half. She starts trying to learn more about her child's birth parents and finds out that it's possible that her son and this missing child is one and the same.

It's got me wanting to put out a question to my adoptive parents readers out there. What would you do if you suspected the child you adopted was actually kidnapped? and his family was looking for him?

Would you go looking for the truth or try to forget you ever seen the missing picture about the family that was searching.

Rest in peace bunny pal

I came home from work last night wishing my bunny would be dead when I got home. Actually, I woke up hoping he would be dead. Sounds horrible doesn't it? I watched him do his flipping thing and then pee'd and I did my best to clean him up and wished he would die. It's one thing to make a decision about putting an animal to sleep but another to make the call and drive him there.

My husband came with me so I could hold him all the way there. I cried as I told the person at the front desk at what we needed. My husband signed the death papers and helped me pay.

We sat in the room for about five minutes or so and then they came in and gave her opinion of what he has. She said something about tilted head and said something about bunnies being a carrier. She said he was very old for a bunny and pretty small for his breed. She took him and brought him back gone a few minutes later.

It's made me really sad. I am wondering if my other bunnies will get the same thing? I have another bunny who grew up with him who is about ten and my girl bunny is about four.

I am very sad. There really wasn't any treatments for him.