Monday, November 14, 2011


I had a dream that Izzy was over at my house and I wanted to show her how big her scrapbook is getting to be. Even though, I haven't been working on it. I really need to. Well, anyways, I go to show her the book and it's empty. Everything, I have done is lost. There is no going back and doing it again if that were to happen.

I did just last night send a request from the teacher in 9th grade to send me a picture of her so I could include her in my book since she played an important role in my life. This morning she wrote me back and said that's a great idea.

I think part of my not being in the mood to do the book that I really do want to start expressing more stuff as in my feelings so I think it's just hard to really put the pen to the paper.

Question to my adoptee friends thru blogging. Do you want to hear the sad stuff resulting in adoption? As in the emotions from not having the baby then child in your life? I want to share this as part of my story in my scrapbook but I don't want Izzy to feel she is responsible for the things that I went through. They are my issues and not hers. I have never once regretted seeing the pregnancy to the end with a live birth. I have never once said, I wish Izzy wasn't born. I am happy she was born. She is a beautiful girl and I am very proud of her.

1 comment:

China said...

I have a birthson who is now 7. It's an open adoption...sort of. Not much contact or info. But we know each others names and info. I'm also the partent of a 12 year old, so I placed after already being a mum. I dream of my birthson too. Not of his birth. But of about 10 years out. In this dream of future everything has resolved. He knows us and has relationship that is comfortable. We do stuff, like you would do with a 17 year old boy that you adore. He loves us and we love him and its all okay. Then I wake up...and the reality of not having anything to do with him and being rejected from ongoing contact takes it place.