Monday, May 2, 2011

birthmother's day

I thought I would write on the subject since it's coming up. I personally don't choose to celebrate it or give it much thought. I never knew about it until I started to blog a few years ago. I mentioned it to my husband and he looked it and thought it was kind of silly. Some of the suggestions on how to celebrate the day he thought seemed like another way to make a holiday and make a few bucks. Some of the suggestions seemed sad. Buy yourself a present.. How depressing no one to celebrate with you and buy a present. It's not that I am against buying myself something from time to time. I love to shop when I have a few bucks to blow on myself. I just don't need a holiday to do it.

I do like to celebrate Mother's day! It's the day of the year that can be about me and I enjoy it. It has changed over the years. I admit that with my second husband I have to kind of hint to my wishes about the day. Last year, we went out to dinner and this year, I think I want to have a cookout a park. I don't mind kind of expressing my wishes rather than not doing anything and my husband wouldn't know why I was upset.

I know my plans for Mother's day seems like I have to do my own day and I guess that would be the same as if I celebrated birthmother's day. I guess it helps that on Mother's Day I do have my family with me. If I choose to celebrate birthmother's day my daughter would be missing from the day. Also, how can I celebrate my loss to her from adoption. I just can't imagine getting all fancied up and saying we are celebrating my loss. Ugh! I am not proud of my failure to be a Mother to my first child.

Mother's Day does have another meaning now that I have contact with my daughter. It's mixed feelings about it though. My loss to my daughter seems more real now? She doesn't think of me as Mom. I am happy for what I do have with my daughter and that gives me some comfort.

I don't mean any negative feelings for those who do celebrate birthmother's day.


Shaw Family said...

I am a birth mother, adoptive mother, and biological mother and I celebrate both days (mother's day and birth mother's day). On birth mother's day however I don't go out and by myself something or spent the time alone. I think of the baby that I placed for adoption and how strong I am now for that choice. I also make sure and tell my son's birth mother how grateful I am for the hard decision she made. It's a day of recognition for me, not morning.

birthmothertalks said...

Thank you for your thoughts on birthmother's day. I can respect that different people have different views and that is cool with me. Not that I can say who is cool with something and who isn't. I suppose I might feel different about the day if my situation was different. Maybe, I will save that for another post.