Yesterday, was the 6TH week of babysitting out of the 10 weeks that I agreed to do. I just love it more and more each week. When, I walk in the Mom's are already there and when I walked past them heading to the nursery the four year old boy came right up to me gave me a high five and walked right with me. Little Ella has been fun to be around. She wants to be held and played with. The other children play more on their own, but do interact with us. I work side by side with another lady and yesterday, I let her play with Ella too. I didn't hog her all to myself.
I have a lot of fun interacting with all the children. It's so fun getting on their level and being goofy.
Today, I picked up a couple outfits for boys. It wasn't really for any of the kids that I have been caring for. It was just newborn stuff. I plan buying clothes here and there when I can.

I got to thinking about Mother's Day. I know for a lot of birthmom's it's a hard day for them. Personally, for me. It hasn't been a trigger for depression over my daughter. I can't explain why or why not. Maybe its because within three years, I was a parent to my first raised child. So, I only had to deal with a couple of Mother's day's feeling like the whole world was celebrating and I wasn't.

I think my divorce has made Mother's Day harder for me. When I was married to my ex husband, we always honored Mother's Day with dinner and stuff. My new husband isn't the father of my children and doesn't feel the same need to try to help the children honor Mother's Day. I think that is sometimes why I feel sad. I don't view our family as a whole family. It's so hard to explain.

Also, I kind of am feeling the loss of my Mom. I can't understand why she is so distant. I distant myself from her, because I don't know if she will ever make the effort if I don't. I feel like my children have lost a grandparent before she even passes away. We live in the same town and she barely knows them. I am going to try to do something for her even though she hasn't been the best Mom. I know we all make mistakes. I know that I am not perfect. I just don't get her.

Mother's Day, this year, I basically made my wishes known that I want to go out to dinner to celebrate. Somewhere we haven't been before. So, that's the plan. Normally, a home cooked meal that I didn't have to cook would been good, but my husband cooks most of the time.