So, if a woman is leaning towards adoption and is going to go to an agency to look more into it. I think, because especially, if you never had a child before, they need to do more to prepare you to make this final step in your decision. I think they should suggest you read some books on adoption from birthparents side of things. I believe it would be good if they could connect them with some birthparents to talk to. Although, I can see them saying that it's not within their policy or them choosing the ones with that seem well adjusted that might not tell you a horror story.
If they have gone through the options and talked to other people. I think the next thing agencies should try to do is talk with her family members. To see if they are on the same page as far as the adoption and a kind of speak now or forever hold your peace type of deal. I think they need to be reminded that when the baby is born they will be a whole another set of emotions and hopefully they can convince them that if they are going to offer up support or help to raise the baby then do it now. It could save an couple from having the heart ache of a failed match.
So semi open, open or closed adoption? I think she needs to be fully told that open adoptions are not legally binding. They should say it again and again, if they choose to cut you off then it's their choice. It's not going to make it any easier when that happens to someone but at least she went in with the knowledge of the law.
I know there are good and bad of every profession and that includes adoption agencies. I think because so much is at sake that there needs to be more done to prevent the women being taken advantage of. I think the adoption worker should have someone who is supervising her by example recording the meetings and also have the expectant Mom to meet with her adoption workers boss.
A few things I think the workers shouldn't say to the expectant Mom.
- What a wonder thing your doing. Your helping a couple who would otherwise not have children have a child. (not my problem) They are giving the baby a Mom and Dad.
- Never tell them oh you will get to go on and have more babies and go back to your normal life. ( life will never be the same)
- The adoptive couple can provide so much more than you.
- You are giving them a much better life.
- Don't speak to them as if they baby is already the adoptive couples
- See the baby. Spend all the time you want with him or her so say hello and goodbye.
- after the birth, it's still your choice.
- It's okay to cry.
- should encourage her to speak to people about adoption. Don't keep it a secret.
- She is your baby until you sign away the rights. You make can make the decisions about the baby.
- Make sure she gets some pictures. Someone did that for me.
I have more to add on this subject, but will save it for later.