Thursday, February 4, 2010

I am not working as much as I used to, because times have changed I guess. I am working so that is a very good thing. However, I have to much time on my hands to think and thinking isn't always a good thing to me.
On most weeks, I have my day time free, because the hours I am being offered is 2nd shift. It's part of the reason, I am not working more, because I won't do anymore than that. But it's leaving the daytime free to do nothing and think.
I really need to do something with my life instead of thinking of poor me. I want to turn it around. I want to think of others. Maybe that will be giving free time to some nursing home if it's allowed. We have crazy rules. Or maybe it's starting to find the places where I can be a assist other women. Maybe that could be a little babysitting or a shoulder to lean on. Maybe I could be someone who can be notified if there is a poor girl making a adoption plan without support on her side. I know that I can't save them all, but just being able to cry with someone maybe that can be me. I don't want to be bitter and angry forever. If I can make the difference in someone's life then maybe I can turn my life around. Then, maybe I could give back. I could give what I wasn't given. Now, I just got to figure out a way to do this and really think more. Is it something that I can do? Am I emotionally ready for this? Can I do it without reliving my experience?

2 comments:

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Miss Tanya said...

You can do it, and I think you should. You seem to have a lot to say on this subject, and a lot of experience to back up what you say.

Go for it :)

And don't worry about "re-living" the experience of losing your child. You aren't re-living anything. It sounds like you are still dealing with it the first time around. Whether or not you help people, it seems like your challenges will still be weighing on your mind. And maybe that's what's meant to be. Don't fight your grieving process <3 .