Friday, July 3, 2009

I thought I would write a little more about my counseling session. Mainly, I go just so I can talk about my daughter and adoption without either being ignored, attacked, or just make people uncomfortable. However, my counslor, really wants to help me deal with some of my issues that I have.
  1. My guilt over my daughter being placed for adoption.
  2. My feelings that I live a fake life. I can't talk about my daughter. She said just do it! Easier said than done.
  3. My relationship with my Mom. She feels it's important I that I either decide to fix it or accept it for what it is.
  4. She believes that for more healing to come that I have to just let go. Quit to beating myself up with the what if's and just accept that it happened.
  5. She asked if there was one thing that I would like to that would make me feel better. I told her that I would love to share Izzy's scrap book with someone. I also told her how I feel about it though. I want to share it, but at the same time, I feel as if I let someone look at it that I also probably would want to pull it back. I think a lot of it is that I want someone to WANT to look at it. She asked me to bring it to the next session. I decided to go monthly with Izzy's birthday approaching after summer ends. So, she suggested I bring the book and share it with her.
  6. Lastly, she encouraged me to continue with the marriage counseling and to give him a call back since June is over with. I called Tuesday and he didn't answer. Also, hasn't called me back yet. I feel it's very important that I can talk about adoption and how it's effected my life and what I want out of my husband. The other day, I was telling him I was shocked to read that the average birthmom is over 30 and has kids and he says it's not really a big deal. As in giving up your child isn't a big deal. I don't accept him to totally change, but somethings really need not to be said.


RB said...

I'm so glad that you're going to counseling. It helps so much when other people in your circle just don't get it. I think it's a fabulous idea to continue since Izzy's birthday is approaching, and sharing her scrapbook with your counselor may be healing for you. I hope the marriage counselor calls you back. Maybe you could address your last point at the session, that some things don't need to be said. Do you think your husband just doesn't know how hurtful the things he says are or do you think that he's being inconsiderate? Placing your child for adoption is a huge deal. I'm sorry you're still struggling, but glad that you are doing better.

BB said...

It sounds like it went well. It always helps having someone who listens and understands. I am glad you went and I totally get how you want someone to WANT to see your scrapbook.

kalibug said...

Kali's birthmom didnt tell anyone about the adoption, and a little over a year later she went to counseling and then started telling people that were important to her about Kali. She felt so ill about her family situations (bad stuff) that she even hid the pregnancy from them (and delivered a nearly 8 lb baby). I really think they knew but didnt want to talk about it. Her birthmom said it was a turning point for her when she told because she always felt guilty that she didnt tell people about her that she didnt want her to be a secret. So I can understand the counselor wanting you to tell people, but you also have to feel like you are ready for it so if you are not then wait, but if you are ready..... it might help you emotionality.

I do hope and pray that the adoptive parents will allow this adoption to be more open soon. Always remember that Izzy will know that you tried and even though it is not time now, she will know later.They may feel that she emotionality is too confused on what is going on. My dear friend, J, was in a horrible relationship when she was a teenager and her husband divorce her and due to all the money the family had, he was able to take her daughter and she was not allowed to see her again. J is remarried and is in her 30's now, and her daughter recently contacted her saying I know now that my dad kept me from you. I am so sorry, and she is coming to visit for a week the end of this month. J used to call and all but it was so bad. So it is working out, just the wait....I hate that she had to wait all those years. She has been talking to her on the phone each night since she called. They are both so excited. I KNOW that one day Izzy and you will be together just sadly it seems it is going to be a while from now. Keep blogging and she can see this one day :-) Keep working on your lifebook for her.