Friday, July 31, 2009

Dear Izzy

It's been a while since i wrote you. Sometimes, when I don't write it's because I am hurting too much. I go through many ups and downs. Right now, it doesn't take much to make me want to cry. Sometimes, it's my missing you and my fears of the unknown and other times the stress of my clients is beginning to be too much. They are facing a difficult time in their lives right now.
Izzy, I wasn't raised in a household that ever spoke of God. I didn't have the best parents and I admit that I didn't have the worst parents. I started seeing a pastor at a church for marriage counseling and now I am going on my own. I been able to speak freely about you and my fears. Since, I am going on my own, right now it's the Pastor and his wife. It's been the best thing that I have done for myself in a while. When I am at the church and in the presence of the couple, I feel a peace. I have decided to open up my heart up to God. It took me really getting to a super low place in my life to know that this is what I need. I still have a lot to learn about the Bible and God and many more questions. However, things in my life are looking up again. It doesn't mean that I am all well and won't cry anymore, but I am laughing again. My apple tree fell last week and I think it was kind of funny. I was at work and a bus crashed into my van and I am not super upset. My client thinks it's funny, because he ran into the same lady's car a few years ago. So, now they are even.
It's hard to believe that soon you will be 18 years of age. I hope you have had a great life. I feel a strong connection to you. There are times I feel that you are hurting and I can feel it. Maybe it sounds strange, but it's how I feel. It's the worst feeling in the world, because I can't get the assurance that you are okay. I really love you. Someday, I feel we will meet again.

1 comment:

kalibug said...

Oh, I am so happy that you are finding peace! Please, continue to open your heart to God. I feel you will meet Izzy again too. Praying for you.