Monday, July 6, 2009



I am afraid I might have been a little harsh on a soon to be adoptive parents blog. Sometimes, it's hard to just bite my tongue when something just doesn't sit right with me. It was about the adoption tax credit. It bugs me when adoptive parents complain about money. Well, for one I think adoption costs way too much. Also, I bet lack of money is a big reason birth parents place their children up for adoption. I can't quite find the words I want. I don't want to offend anyone. What I am thinking is that birth parents if they are placing because of lack of money and then adoptive parents get all this help, because they adopted then isn't it strange that the government can't help the Mothers of the children that are being adopted. So, I am not suggesting that I am against the tax credit, but sad that the need is so great. Maybe what I am trying to say is that it's sad that people who can afford to raise a family may lose the chance if they can't afford the high cost of adoption.
Adoptive parents who have been blogging have really helped me get to a happier place. I can see the love you all have for your children. Do I think it's anymore than you would have had you gave birth yourself? No. Do I think it's any less? No. So, I can now know that Izzy's parents love her just as much as me. And that makes me feel good. Also, I know Izzy's parents were a victim of the times.

On a happier note, I had my son help me with a page of Izzy's scrapbook. As were putting the stickers of fish in the ocean, I was telling him how the book was for Izzy. I haven't talked too much about her with him and I know he is at an age where he could still forget that I said that I had a daughter. He was really curious on how we would give it to her. Could we call her? Oh my God! Would that send them running? I told him that we can't call, but someday hopefully we can meet her and give it to her. He said, "Well yea, she is your kids still, she came out of you and not them. She has two Mommies. Wow!!! Even my little nine year old gets it.
Also, I asked my older son if he was still going to make a page for Izzy's book. He said yea and said that I had given him a idea to make his own scrap book. I don't know if he was just talking about making one or making her one. So, this week, I have talked about her to both kids.

The book about Birthmothers that I mentioned a few days ago was the best!! It did a excellent job explaining about the after effects of placing your children for adoption. I would be surprised if another book could do a better job. It's a must read for anyone who wants to adopt, or just wants to learn more.

5 comments:

BB said...

Hmmm... you bring up a very interesting perspective about the tax credit.

I like the scrapbook pages! Thanks for sharing. I am glad your son is helping you with it and I am glad that you are comforted knowing Izzy's parents love her to pieces like you do!

RB said...

I love the pages you shared :) Maybe (just a thought), you could share a few pages out of Izzy's book with your readers. Just the ones that aren't too personal. I can only speak for myself, but I'd love to see what you've done so far.

Isn't is great when kids just "get it?" I wonder what happens to some adults when they can't see things as simply as they should be? That time spent with your son must have been special :)

birthmothertalks said...

I would love to share some more pages out of Izzy's book. First, give me a week or so to get my digital camera working. The cell phone camera doesn't do a very good job.

Karen said...

That is an interesting, and valid, point about the financial aspect of adopting. I think that from some adoptive parents' perspective, we feel it "isn't fair" that adoption costs so much when fertile people can conceive for free, especially since so many adoptive parents have already spent thousands of dollars on fertility treatments and are broke/in debt for that, before they start the adoption paperwork. So the tax credit makes us feel like the government is helping to keep things a little more fair. But really, life's not fair, so that's not a realistic point of view! :) Anyhow, the other nice thing about the tax credit is that it evens the playing field a bit and allows more middle class and lower middle class families to afford adoption, so that all of the adoptive parents aren't upper middle class or wealthy, since that leads to the misconception of adoption as "baby buying."

Sally Bacchetta said...

I appreciate the care you took when talking about the adoption tax credit. As an adoptive parent, I've got to say that it was a huge help to us, financially and emotionally.

Something you wrote really struck a chord with me. Probably because I've been saying the same thing for years :)
You wrote: What I am thinking is that birth parents if they are placing because of lack of money and then adoptive parents get all this help, because they adopted then isn't it strange that the government can't help the Mothers of the children that are being adopted. I agree!!!

I just found your blog. I appreciate your honesty.