Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Last Summer, about mid way through it, I decided that I wasn't going to have a relationship with my Mom on her terms anymore. So, I quit making any effort to see or talk to her. When Thanksgiving came around and I had my brother and sister over and not my Mom she finally noticed that something was up. I told my little sister that I am tired of making all the effort and I am not going to pretend on the holidays. Now it's coming up on a year since I have spoken with my Mom over the phone. The only time I have seen her is at a couple of the restaurant's we tend to go to. A while back, my Mom did give my sister all her photo albums and my sister was able to copy the pictures I wanted for myself and my scrap book. When I seen my Mom, I told her Thank You for the pictures. I knew it had to take a lot of trust to give your youngest daughter all photo albums from your whole life.
The other day, I was talking to my older sister and she mentioned our Mom. I told her that I really haven't talked to her in a long time. How that when she does she us that I get the feeling that if we don't say hello then she won't say hello. My sister said that it's probably between her reading what I wrote about adoption on my "Normal blog" and the fact that I have told my little sister that I don't want a relationship on her terms. I was really hoping she would wake up and see that if you want a relationship with your kid then you might just have to work on it. Right now, I still feel as if I am making all the effort even though it's not much. I don't ignore her when I see her and I did call on Mother's Day. I am sorry that she is bothered by what I said on my blog, but I spoke the truth. I guess the truth hurts sometimes. I really don't know where I want to go with this one. I don't think we have had much of a relationship to start with. So, far my sisters and brother haven't really tried to get in the middle or stopped speaking to me. My older sister tries to say that she has to do all the calling, but the last two to three years our Mom has drove the 12 hour drive to see her. That doesn't look like a one sided relationship to me.

I am happy to report that my husband and I are doing better. We still need help, but the drama of the fighting has cooled off.


Andrew's Daddies said...

I'm so glad you and the hubby are doing better. That's great news.

I am formating the adoption post. I wasn't sure what name to call you as a reference in the post. Can you let me know? I know to use Izzy for your daugther..but how about you?...(wasn't sure if I could use the name you signed off as in the email)

birthmom1986 said...

Well, you sound similar to my mother and I. I kept a distant relationship with my mother. I helped take care of her when she was sick, but I also put her in a nursing home without hesitation. (does "you take too much care, you are so selfish" ring a bell?.

You do what you have to do to take care of you.

And if she didn't like what you write, then, she shouldn't read it. Period.

RB said...

I'm glad that you and husband's relationship is improving. That's great news.