Saturday, May 2, 2009

Dear Ashley

I wonder about you everyday. I wish that your happy and love your parents. I hope you are a Daddy's little girl. I hope your being adopted doesn't make you ache, but makes you still wonder about me. I hope someday I can get to know you. I will respect that I am not your Mom. Maybe I can be your friend or like a big sister. Once I wrap my arms around you, I admit that it might be a struggle to let you go. I will want to keep you. Although, I will do my best to do right by you. If you need me I will be there. I want to hear all about life and hope I can be there in the future. I hope you can find room in your heart to get to know Will and Tyler. I love all three of you just the same. Some might think that is odd, but it's just how I feel. I wonder when you are out in a crowd of people do you look for me? When I am in a crowd of people, I look for you. I wonder if I saw you would I know you. I also wonder what would be the right thing to do? Would it be best to walk away before you see me? Or would it be best to look you in the eyes.
Do you know that before I found the pictures of you in the yearbook, I kind of thought I wasn't cute or pretty. When I see your picture. I see me. I see a cute and pretty girl. How come I never seen it in me but, I can't deny the beauty in you. I know you are Ashley and not me and I am sure you aren't a mirror image of me, but from what I can see I am 100% sure the girl in the pictures are you. So, I maybe sound funny saying but I know I am not a ugly person. You made me feel cute. You don't even know it yet. Also, remember I only call you Izzy to protect you. I know what your name is. It's the same as the day you born. I don't agree with closed adoptions, I am glad that times are changing. However, I am amazed and grateful that your parents honored my wish and kept your name the same. I love you babygirl... I cry often for you. I miss you and I am scared, because I can't always know your safe.

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