It's 4 more days until Izzy's birthday and 4 more days until another anniverseray of the 9/11 attacks. What has it been 12 years? I had almost forgotten about the shared birthday until someone spoke about it the other day. How sad is it that I have almost forgotten? The two on the same day cause me a lot of suffering. It made the birthday blues come early. It made the memory of Izzy pop up all the time cause rarely can you read a true story about anything withthout the mention of 9/11 coming up.

I haven't had a good week. Physically, I been feeling tired and worn down. A little sad but not much. I know it's the sypmtoms on my period before it starts going on right now.

I am not taking the day off work again. I believe it's the 2nd birthday I chose not to have the day off and make my husband drive me all around everywhere. Sometimes, I wouldn't make myself clear, and we would only be gone a few hours and I get upset.

So I just plan on working and probably not really do anything. I believe I might have a playdate set up for my son with a special needs friend so between work and the playdate hoping things will go smoothly and it won't be a depressing day.

Her bithdays are not so bad anymore. I have been in reunion shortly after her 18th birthday and met shortly after her 19th birthday so I have a lot to be happy for. I don't have the kind of relationship I wish we had. I believe the distance has made things harder. I wish she never moved away but she is happy there so I guess that's all that matters.