My husband

I don't give him enough credit for how great of a husband and Dad he is to me and my kids. We married quickly and things went sour with us pretty fast. He had to deal with my sadness from adoption loss and I had to deal with the fact that he was an alcoholic. We had many fights over my daughter. The adoption counselor once said Izzy was like a ghost in our house. There was so much sadness over it that it was controlling my life.
I didn't feel like he was supportive of just being there for me when I was sad. He would say and do things to imply that if Izzy knocked on our door that he would send her packing. That would have been my worst nightmare come true. It wasn't that I expected her to walk up on my door but the idea of the person who is suppose to love me most in this world would send my child away when he knew I cried tears because I didn't know her.
My husband has been sober about two and half years now and slowly our relationship has grown into a loving one again. We had so much distrust and honestly at time feelings of hate that for sure we were heading for splitting up. But he wouldn't move and I wasn't willing to walk away from my house so we stayed together.

WARNING: If you know me in real life this maybe too personal or more than you want to know about myself and my husband so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I remember him giving me a hard time about me working on the scrapbook. I can't recall what he said other than it was stupid. He no longer says it's stupid and knows that it's one of my most prized items I own. He has bragged about it when I have bought family members a scrapbook and tells me to get it out so they can get ideas. He has told my sons to guard it with their life when they looked thru it. He gets how important it is to me. When I brought it out of the house to show Izzy he wrapped it in a bag to protect it. He will give me things or items that he thinks might be cool for my scrapbook. It means a lot that he gets how important it is to me.

He used to give me a hard time about blogging. I don't recall what he would say but it wasn't good. He thought it made things worse. He would say that my fellow bloggers were babies and that for every angry or sad birthmom there were happy ones that are okay with things. He wanted to me to find blogs that people wrote that didn't have sadness from adoption and see what they do right. He was sure of himself that since his ex wife had a baby and placed him for adoption and had peace with it that sure there were others like her that got it right.

He has really changed a lot. He likes that I blog. He asked to put ads on all of my blogs and brags that this one is the only one that is making money. It's not making much but people have clicked on the ads. He thinks I am a great writer because I have so many followers. I don't think he fully understands that a lot of bloggers have huge amounts of followers. He jokes about me needing to hire him to take care of my blog while I write.

I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had he not had that seizure that scary day at work and he has been sober since. I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had I not found Izzy and got to meet her and get to know her before she moved away for school. I can only hope that we still would have made it work.

Living with my husband even after he got sober has been a learning experience for me. We had get used to the fact that he was a different person. It was hard for me to know when I could trust him. I am happy to report that my husband got to meet my daughter before she moved away.

He has had to adjust to living life free of drinking. Life is different and sometimes in an ex drunk's life I am sure the sober life can seem boring. He lost all desires to be intimate with me and he also had to say anyone else cause at times I felt like it must have been me and there was someone else. I felt like it was something I done or he just wasn't turned on by me anymore.

A few months ago, I was brutally honest with my husband and told him that I had thoughts of cheating because while I loved him.. I didn't want to never be touched again. I told him I quickly shoved the thought away cause I don't want to live that kind of life. It's something that maybe has helped our sex life. I think it pushed him to be open to bringing the intimacy back into our life and it's in my opinion that while he was going thru the motions that he has started to desire it himself. It feels good to be desired again. To be told to get over being sick cause it's been too long for him. This is coming from a man that could go a month or so without it telling me being sick for a week is too long cause I was not giving him enough attention.