Guest blogger

The Unexpected Benefits of Raising Children with Special Needs



If you've never had a child with special needs, you may consider yourself blessed, or at least fortunate.



Special needs parents spend more time in hospitals and doctors' offices, to be sure, and they have a lot



of other issues to deal with. But they love their children just as much as they would if they functioned



at a “normal” level. Their life is harder, but in some ways more rewarding.



What Are Special Needs Parents Up Against?



The services that children with special needs require are sometimes expensive and often tied up in



bureaucratic red tape. You can't just go and apply for everything you think your child needs. You'll



have to network with other parents of SNC's, or special needs children, to keep up-to-date on what



needs to be done as far as diagnoses, before you can apply for any of the programs that would benefit



your child. For any classes that aren't covered, you can expect to pay a high price.



Phone calls and paperwork are a big part of life for a special needs parent. You'll have lists of



specialists and phone numbers and government offices covering every aspect of your child's life.



Spending time on the phone is done without an afterthought, of course, because SNC parents love their



kids just like every other parent does.



The Emotional Aspects of Rearing Children with Special Needs



Some kids with special needs must be lifted or carried, and their parents develop strength and muscles.



But every single placement in an appropriate program, along with select alternative treatments and



making important medical decisions, weighs heavily on parents of special needs children.



These parents are not born with extra patience or energy. They can't develop these assets just because



they need them. They just have to use more energy and more patience, and hope that it's enough. Their



priorities change, based on all of their children, not just those with special needs. Special diets are



sometimes needed, and adaptive equipment today can be confusing. Parents of SNC's can't focus 100%



of their attention on anything, because they always need to be ready for what their child might need.



Parenting a Special Needs Child is Intense



Parents of SNC's don't have 100% of their time to give these children. In all likelihood they have other



children as well, and they deserve their parents' attention, too. There does have to be some “me” time



taken to avoid total burnout, but you'll come back refreshed and better able to cope with the situation if



you take some time for yourself.



It's difficult to find anyone to care for a special needs child if you want to take a day to spend with



friends or attend a social function. Special needs children need specialized care unique to their



particular issues.



Children with special needs often have more behaviors than other kids, but it's not the result of poor



parenting. These children simply do not respond to parenting techniques the way many typical children



would. The parents still have the same tasks as all parents, like going grocery-shopping and getting the



car repaired when it needs it. It's just harder for them to do, when they are taking their SNC with them.



The Unexpected Benefits



Parents actually do receive gifts by being willing to raise children with special needs. They learn how
important it is to be patient. They learn to slow down and appreciate some of the simpler parts of life.


They make the very most of all the time they spend with their SNC's and their other children.


Parents of children with special needs develop strength from the many challenges they face. They learn



to disregard what others say, especially if it might hurt their child. Nothing is ever too good for any of



their children, and they get a deep-seated feeling that they are doing the right thing when they do the



best they can for their special needs children.



Valerie Johnston is a health writer located in Lake Fork, Texas. She is passionate about



running and clean eating and writing for Healthline.com ensures she stays up-to-date on the



latest trends and news in the health and fitness industry.

For information on ADHD. Go here.

Progress pictures

I have had a rough week starting with my dog getting ran over by a car and dealing with car trouble. I managed to buy a second car and even though it's a lot of money it has given me some stress relief. I been overly protective and scared for my animals. The upcoming 4th of July hasn't helped. We heard "gun shots" and one of our dogs was outside cause he loves to be outside. I was afraid to go check on him thinking someone shot him.

We have learned the "gun shots" were actual fireworks and of course Charlie wasn't murdered in my back yard.

I have given the running group 4 tries and I said I would make a decision about keeping up the routine after my 5th time.

Overall, I am really torn. I like the idea of the group running but only once did the group wait for me and make it a group effort. I can run on my own but maybe I do need the push of the group to at least get started. I don't know. I love the calorie burn and the satisfaction from knowing between running and walking I went 5 miles tonight.

I am .4 lbs away from having lost 70 lbs!! I am pretty excited and hope to see it tomorrow.

I did pictures with the clothing that didn't fit well at all when I shopped at the goodwill sale. Our of the three items one item I feel looks good enough to wear now. The skirt I bought in Galena Il, and it wouldn't go on at all last month.

These jeans I feel that I can wear now. I will post the ones that are too snug in a day or so.

Tragic accident

A couple days ago, our oldest dog who happens to be our smallest dog was hit by a car and died withtin minutes of being brought into the house. We have to admit that we would sit outside and leave the door to the privacy fence open for the breeze ect. Shadow who's picture is on this blog liked to lay in the sun on the driveway.
This had been going on quite a bit and one would have never thought he would have been a victim to being hit by a car. I don't recall how old he was. I would guess between 9 and 10 years old. I have had him since he was two. We fixed him up when my new black lab puppy stole his food and fought her.

He lost his eye and we paid a pretty penny for his surgery and recovery time at the vet's office. I guess one could say he was on borrowed time since the reality is that we couldn't afford the surgery yet didn't have it in us to put him to sleep.

Shadow was alive when my husband was notified of him being hit by a car but died within a couple minutes of being brought in and laid down on our couch. There wasn't any cuts or broken bones or crying out in pain. It was as if he slowly went to sleep and died.

He was resting on our couch for a few minutes before my husband delt with his body. It didn't seem real. I wanted to poke him. He didn't look like a dead dog. Just yesteday I asked my husband if he was sure he was really dead when he buried him.

I keep thinking I am going to see Shadow run from the backyard. I don't suppose that will happen.

So now we just have Ann and Charlie when it comes to dogs. I am not sure if we will ever get a 3rd dog again or not. There is a part of me that thinks 3 dogs is a bit much but at the same time even with three dogs I often found myself looking for minature poodles cause that's my husband's favorite breed.

Rest in peace Shadow! We miss your already.

These pictures are not the best of him.

Abandament issues

When I was finishing up the free counseling with the adoption agency my counselor mentioned that she thought they took me as far as I could get with my adoption issues. I had grown a lot and had worked though a lot of things. Some with her help and some on my own.
Well, I remember her saying how I could consider getting further counseling for abandament issues that I seem to have.

I joined up with the running group for the 3rd time yesterday. Each time has been a different experience and I would have to say the third time was the one where I was with the group more than not. Each time the group seems to take different routes so learning the route isn't going to be an option.

I seemed to feel the need to express to the group (mostly just the one who is the nicest to me) that I have a horrible sense of direction and afraid of being left. I been sticking my phone in between my two bras until I can get something else.

Running with the group at my level is a challenge because most of them have been running for years. I could easily get left and get lost and that scares me. The odd part is that all the area we went in yesterday was pretty familiar except for one spot. But that doesn't take my fear away from being left and lost. There was this one point where I thought to myself I know the way home from here. However, to show up at home without the car might have ticked my husband off.

I feel bad feeling like my issues and lack of running stanima could hold the group back.

Yesterday, the guy, who started the group ran the first time while I ran. His speed isn't all that much faster than me and I felt like it was much more of a group thing with him there. I could tell that he was "in charge"

He was very encouraging with dealing with me needing to walk and catch my breath. He would tell me how it was normal to feel that ache in my side and my lungs. He tried to assure me that they wait for him and hoping that more of my runs to continue to feel like a group effort.

At one point, he asked me if I was up to runing the five mile run compared to the 3 miles. I said no way could I run five miles.. He said, he could help me back to the Y and the rest to continue on.. but that actually never happened.. he kept telling them when and where to go.. At one point, I knew the where to the Y and thought we were so close but then he directed us to another way and it seemed like a while before we made it back.

According to my fitbit.. I think we did go about 5 miles but I can't be sure.

In a couple weeks, I am going to six flags with my mom, sister and Stephen and feeling nervous about it.. It's the same feeling of being lost that scares me. Those parks are so huge. I don't know why I have this kind of issues. No one has ever left me anywhere that I am aware of. I am sure we all been left while a parent is running late picking them up.

Well, that pretty much wraps this post up.

Changes

Starting this week I am going to be working pretty much right at 40 hours plus my babysitting job with the church. I had to just had to go with working more instead of hoping my kid's Dad finds summer work.

At the moment, I have two new clients. It's 3 more hours with my full time job. If I have to work more it's the perfect hours.

I work 3 days a week at a retirement home for my company, I don't work for the home. My client hired my company.

I have two new clients at this retirement home.

The first one I will meet Tuesday morning at 7 am and work to 9 am. I am then off for an hour and then I am at work 10 am to 3:15 pm like normal. I am hoping I can delay my breakfast with the exception of a banana or yogurt before I leave my house at 630 am. I am thinking I could use up an half hour eating breakfast and then about half hour walking around the building to get some form of a workout in. Of course I am assuming this client could be my normal client. It makes perfect since since I am already there. The downside which I am trying not to look at it as a downside is the one hour that isn't paid between the two shifts.
I like this idea because it's two more hours of pay of hours and the fuel charge I get from my company without the extra driving.

My second new client is at the same retirememnt home and it's on Sunday afternoon's for an hour. It's a different rate since it's an hour. So basically I would be getting about 20 bucks for the one hour of pay.. That's including the fuel charge which I am already in the area for babsitting so no extra gas this day either.

I will have about an hour of downtime here too. So probably the same thing. Eat a meal and get a walk. Both of these days are days where I don't hit the YMCA so any workout even in the form of a walk is good.

The bad side is that I bring my son and my grand daughter to church with me and they enjoy it. I won't be able to do this anymore if I stay with this client.

It's important to me that I find the right balance between work, family fun (summertime fun) and my workouts. I plan on trying the running group again tomorrow.

Today, my son was with his Dad so after church and having lunch at home.. I went to the pool and swam a bit and relaxed in the sun. It's my last two day weekend for a while. I will only have one day off a week where I have zero obiligations to working to earn money.

The amount that will be added to my check isn't quite enough to cover the lack of support coming in soon but it's a start. I am not sure I would even honestly want to juggle anymore hours to add to the paycheck.

Freezer cooking

One thing we bought with our tax refund was a pretty good sized freezer! We had been wanting one for quite a while but never got around to getting one. I didn't know if we would actually use it or not.
I love how I don't have to shove everything in the freezer when I do my shopping and can pick up good deals when I find them.

However, the best thing has been that I have started cooking food just for the sake to freeze it for my meals that I bring to work with me.

The sandwiches are probably the only thing that has been made more for everyone compared to just mainly for my work. Pretty much everything I have cooked and froze has tasted well.

I been doing a couple different soups and pretty much freeze leftovers in serving sizes for me. Pasta has froze pretty well.

With summer slowly rolling in I am rethinking the soups just a little bit. I think I can get away with eating soup if I am working with my clients in the nursing home. Yes. I said clients. I have two new ones in next week. Not sure if it's a normal thing. However, my other client's house can be kind of warm and I wouldn't want soup too much.

Anyone have any suggestions on food I can prepare for work. I like the calorie count to be in between 300 to 600 calories per serving.

I don't eat processed foods very often at all anymore. It's not that I won't ever and don't find them enjoyable. I just like the idea of more homecooked lunches and dinners.

Yesterday, I hooked up with the running club! I let them know that I was a new runner and when I learned that they go off the bike path that I didn't have a sence of direction. There was only a total of five runners and all of them were faster than me. I couldn't keep up no matter how hard I tried to do it. Even the thought of getting lost couldn't get me to run at their speed or stop me from stopping to get more of a breath.

I have ran 5k so I am thinking the heat did me in. The other people were so nice though. Before they would turn a corner they would wait for me and cheer me on. Mostly, I ran on my own cause they ran ahead of me. However, at different times, the women hung back with me. I felt bad like I was holding them back.

At one point, I told one girl, that I thought I was going to get sick. Luckily it passed and I was able to continue to run bits and peices of it.

We even got caught in the rain which did cool me off some. All the runners except for the one who helped get me back to the Y kept running to do the five mile run. I was so thankful to the girl who stayed with me cause I really can't find my way around. I didn't even have my phone with me.

I came home and dinner was going late and I ended up feeling pretty poor.

At the moment, I am thinking I will try the group a few more times before I decide if it's not for me. I do think I want to figure out a way to have my cell phone on me.

Good news is that when I stepped on the scale that I seen a new all time low. I am down a total of 69 lbs!! I am so close to under 200lbs!! I can't wait to leave the 200's behind me.

fitness

I said I was going to zumba the last bit of my weight off that I want to lose but have deciced not to totally give up on running. I heard of a running group that meets at the YMCA and I am going to call tomorrow and double check the time and show up for it. I heard they run about 4 miles. So that will be a little more than I am used to and a group setting will be good for me.

I think I am at a all time new low with my weight. I didn't want to record it on myfitnesspal until I see the low number tomorrow too!! Wish me good luck and come check back tomorrow to see if my ticker changed.

I changed the date that I try on the tight clothes to the 25th of the month. I like that date due to that's when I pay my YMCA membership and it's the timing of the month that goodwill has their 1.23 sale. It's the only clothes shopping I should really go on for a while.

My husband and I are loving our new bikes. Stephen is riding more but doesn't care for the long bike rides but oh well. We did find a simliar but less fancy and less pricey bike for 65.00 and put it on layaway for him. So within 2 to 3 weeeks he will have a bigger bike to keep up.

I love all the neat things you discover when your on a bike. I don't love seeing all the houses either for sale or just sitting empty and rotting!! I have a great love for houses and if they didn't all cost too much I would buy them so I could love the houses and give them to othes to love. I am a little weird. I took my husband by a house and calling it cute as if it was a puppy.

I finally got around to blogging about my visit with Izzy in my private blog. Sorry no pictures. I sort of forgot.

Color run cont...

The picture above is my youngest son!


My husband and me.

The last picture I believe is as I passed the spot where my husband and son were sitting and this would be near the finish line!!

Color run!!

I was excited at the idea of running the color run!! Not so happy with the cost of the run and that kept me on the fence for a bit to register or not. I learned that the people getting the donation unless I picked something else was Children's home and Aid!

I couldn't think of a better place to get the money for me to run it.

Children's home and Aid is the place my school called when I was in 9th grade and wanted to get me into counseling. I didn't have the best luck with them due to their practices of meeting birthmom"s in public places like MdDonald's.

If my memory serves me right I contacted them shortly after Izzy's 16th birthday or it could been the 17th birthday. I was given free counseling both times. It just seemed like to me, in a small way, that paying the money to run was giving back to them.

I also felt like being able to just consider running a 5 k means that I won the race outside of the dark side. I have figured out the key for happiness and got some control over my weight for the first time in twenty something years.

I did really well and ran the whole thing. I only stopped to tie my shoe. I wished I was with a group of people but that didn't stop me from having fun! I just loved the excitement in the air from the other runners. I really feed of group efforts and it was the energy of all the others that made it possible for me to finish it. That and I worked hard to work towards running three miles.

It was Izzy that actually got me interested in running with the c25k running ap. I would suggest it to anyone who wants to try to run. I do think it's a little deceiving and one shouldn't just hop off the couch and do this program.

Time for the pictures that your all waiting for.

Before the run!!





As we were waiting in line for our turn to run!




After the run!!


I have a couple more pictures to share but will do it later on another post.

Secret meetings?

Izzy just went home yesterday. I will save writing about our visit in my private blog. What I want to write about is my guilt in seeing her and my children not being involved. For the record. I did leave the visit up to her and she choose the time and the place and time wise only one son could come and place wise it really wasn't a boy thing to do.

I suggested she and her fiance come to dinner at the place we were having my birthday dinner. She said he would be out of town and truth be told she was actually home during our actual dinner. Will write about that in private blog.

My husband wanted to know if he could drop me off at the shopping center and if Izzy could drive me home since running everyone home and coming back when have cut my time even shorter with my birthday dinner or with Izzy.

I didn't really mention that Izzy was in town due to feeling uncomfortable that I had plans to see her and she had declined the invitation to see everyone. I am unaware if Alex had known she was in town since he claims he hasn't been on facebook much. I know Stephen wouldn't have known.

Our first agreed time to meet would have been when Stephen was at school and most likely Alex sleeping or off doing his own thing.

The secret thing doesn't have anything to do with keeping Izzy a secret or shameful of her or my past but has a lot to do with wanting to protect my sons. I know Alex is grown and should be working on his relationship outside of me if that's what he wants and assuming Izzy wants it too. That doesn't mean that I don't want to protect my son's feelings. Stephen's relationship does depend more on me helpin it going along. The distance makes that so much harder. I can't rely on Izzy to help do things for me or Stephen like I do with is aunt. I don't mean as in using her. But my sister does certain things that help us and it's part of what she does for him as an aunt. Like rides to REC night or taking him shopping for me for Christmas. They are favors but it's relationship building.

I felt so rotten being dropped off to see Izzy after my dinner and leaving my kids not being included. I would have rather climbed under a rock than tell them who I was meeting. I know that sounds horrible. It's not like I didn't try to see them all together.

future blog post

I have a few posts floating around in my head that I want to write about. Not all adoption related.

-- anxiety over the reality that Izzy only agreed to see me and not my sons. Will blog about the feeling of wanting to see her in secret.

-- my visit with Izzy. I will probably do that in my private blog. If your a reader check it out if you haven't been there or want to be one just let me know.

-- my son stayed at my house from Monday night to Friday afternoon. Will blog about that in private blog.

-- My color run and pictures!!

-- freezer cooking

-- Going to try to track spending for the month of June and see what cuts I can make.