Sunday, June 2, 2013

Secret meetings?

Izzy just went home yesterday. I will save writing about our visit in my private blog. What I want to write about is my guilt in seeing her and my children not being involved. For the record. I did leave the visit up to her and she choose the time and the place and time wise only one son could come and place wise it really wasn't a boy thing to do.

I suggested she and her fiance come to dinner at the place we were having my birthday dinner. She said he would be out of town and truth be told she was actually home during our actual dinner. Will write about that in private blog.

My husband wanted to know if he could drop me off at the shopping center and if Izzy could drive me home since running everyone home and coming back when have cut my time even shorter with my birthday dinner or with Izzy.

I didn't really mention that Izzy was in town due to feeling uncomfortable that I had plans to see her and she had declined the invitation to see everyone. I am unaware if Alex had known she was in town since he claims he hasn't been on facebook much. I know Stephen wouldn't have known.

Our first agreed time to meet would have been when Stephen was at school and most likely Alex sleeping or off doing his own thing.

The secret thing doesn't have anything to do with keeping Izzy a secret or shameful of her or my past but has a lot to do with wanting to protect my sons. I know Alex is grown and should be working on his relationship outside of me if that's what he wants and assuming Izzy wants it too. That doesn't mean that I don't want to protect my son's feelings. Stephen's relationship does depend more on me helpin it going along. The distance makes that so much harder. I can't rely on Izzy to help do things for me or Stephen like I do with is aunt. I don't mean as in using her. But my sister does certain things that help us and it's part of what she does for him as an aunt. Like rides to REC night or taking him shopping for me for Christmas. They are favors but it's relationship building.

I felt so rotten being dropped off to see Izzy after my dinner and leaving my kids not being included. I would have rather climbed under a rock than tell them who I was meeting. I know that sounds horrible. It's not like I didn't try to see them all together.

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