Thursday, June 20, 2013

Abandament issues

When I was finishing up the free counseling with the adoption agency my counselor mentioned that she thought they took me as far as I could get with my adoption issues. I had grown a lot and had worked though a lot of things. Some with her help and some on my own.
Well, I remember her saying how I could consider getting further counseling for abandament issues that I seem to have.

I joined up with the running group for the 3rd time yesterday. Each time has been a different experience and I would have to say the third time was the one where I was with the group more than not. Each time the group seems to take different routes so learning the route isn't going to be an option.

I seemed to feel the need to express to the group (mostly just the one who is the nicest to me) that I have a horrible sense of direction and afraid of being left. I been sticking my phone in between my two bras until I can get something else.

Running with the group at my level is a challenge because most of them have been running for years. I could easily get left and get lost and that scares me. The odd part is that all the area we went in yesterday was pretty familiar except for one spot. But that doesn't take my fear away from being left and lost. There was this one point where I thought to myself I know the way home from here. However, to show up at home without the car might have ticked my husband off.

I feel bad feeling like my issues and lack of running stanima could hold the group back.

Yesterday, the guy, who started the group ran the first time while I ran. His speed isn't all that much faster than me and I felt like it was much more of a group thing with him there. I could tell that he was "in charge"

He was very encouraging with dealing with me needing to walk and catch my breath. He would tell me how it was normal to feel that ache in my side and my lungs. He tried to assure me that they wait for him and hoping that more of my runs to continue to feel like a group effort.

At one point, he asked me if I was up to runing the five mile run compared to the 3 miles. I said no way could I run five miles.. He said, he could help me back to the Y and the rest to continue on.. but that actually never happened.. he kept telling them when and where to go.. At one point, I knew the where to the Y and thought we were so close but then he directed us to another way and it seemed like a while before we made it back.

According to my fitbit.. I think we did go about 5 miles but I can't be sure.

In a couple weeks, I am going to six flags with my mom, sister and Stephen and feeling nervous about it.. It's the same feeling of being lost that scares me. Those parks are so huge. I don't know why I have this kind of issues. No one has ever left me anywhere that I am aware of. I am sure we all been left while a parent is running late picking them up.

Well, that pretty much wraps this post up.

No comments: