Wednesday, February 23, 2011

answering a comment

Remember that your daughter and your sons have different fathers. That could account for some of their differences school-wise. If your ex is not doing his job as a parent could you have your son return to your home to live?

Yes, my sons do have different fathers than my daughter. I haven't ever thought too deeply into that about their education but it could be part of my sons struggles. I really don't know anything about Izzy's birthfather's family history but I don't think he did either. He was adopted.

However, my ex husband had a couple aunts with mental issues. One, severe and not not as severe. He has a niece that was in special education all her life and acts years below her actual age.

We have thought of having my oldest son move back in and I believe there is a small part of him that would like to do that because he said in counseling how he thinks it was a mistake to go live with his Dad. He knows that he is losing out on things because he is living there off one income and when you only have one income you have to take hours where you can get them.

My current husband and I have talked about him moving back but we have fears. Will the child that tried to push him down the stairs because he was mad come back? We would hope things would be different because things are different. My current husband no longer drinks 24/7. He has been sober for two years in May. He has made huge changes but they have been slow.

We think that our households are ran so different that it would be a huge shock and adjustment to my sons. First, we don't really get into video games and I don't know if his Dad would let him bring them. Also, honestly, I wouldn't want video games here to influence my youngest son. I have seen how the obsession of video games takes front stage and everything else comes second. On top of that, I see how when my son is without video games he is like a fish out of water. He just don't know what to do with himself. Okay, I know that is way off my topic on why I don't know if it would work for my son to live with me again. But not really if he would bug me every hour that he is awake to entertain him.

My sons Dad drives a taxi for a living right now and most of his income is cash. We don't feel that he would be honest in what he makes and pay child support for the two kids. As of right now, neither one of us pays child support. I hate for money to be part of the reasoning but it's a fact a life. One more person to cloth and feed would add up and can we afford it without the extra help. My oldest son came over in different shoes and told me how he seen his friend had them in his locker and asked him why did he have shoes in there and the kid asked him if he wanted them. This would never fly with my little son. We can and will afford to buy shoes. I don't know if my older son does this because he needs new shoes or wants new shoes.

We have thought about how Alex moving back in could affect Stephen and it scares us. When hell was breaking lose when he lived here, I remember Stephen saying please don't fight as he went to sleep. Can you imagine sadder words? I can but those are pretty high up there on the sadder things to hear your child say as he prepared to go to bed. Stephen is in special education with an IEP. We have to work on things longer than normal for other kids and while we love Stephen it is an challenge. He is going to be entering middle school and as of right now loves school. I am afraid of the stress being too much if Alex comes back and we end up fighting all the time. I know this sounds selfish but I have one child that does what he asks and the other one that doesn't. It's a scary idea to rock the boat.

Well, this is getting long and I have more on my mind about this subject but I will get back to it in another post.


chicks3 said...

Thank you for addressing my comment. We all have choices to make in life and, while we might not make the same decisions, we have to respect each other and the choices they make. I just ache for your older son and what his life will be like as an adult.

birthmothertalks said...

You are welcome. I am still trying to finish answering your question but it's taking time.