Saturday, February 19, 2011

Adoption has given me really bad self esteem as a Mother. I will admit that meeting my daughter, in some ways, have made it worse.
My oldest son who lives with his Dad has 3 credits between 9Th and 10Th grade year. He is in the middle of 10Th grade. He hasn't even pulled a D out of his hat. I am ticked. He just doesn't care. I see him holding a sign that will say will work for food or money and being a waste on society. My dog could go to school and pull better grades. She could at least pass gym and lunch and follows directions.

My little guy has struggled all his life with learning disabilities and has an IEP and we had a meeting for 6TH grade. He makes improvements but are we being too hard? Is using a calculator, and word charts giving up on him? How about the alpha smart so he can type his homework because writing his physically hard on him?

I see Izzy as being a success in school and life and I want that for my sons. How come the children that I parent struggle and she is doing great. I feel like it must be because I am a bad Mom, but I know that I am not a bad Mom. Or am I? Izzy is doing so well.

This sucks. I want the best for my children. I want the best for all children.

It makes me sad. How can my son make it in middle school? How come Alex is wasting tax payers dollars in school? My little guy tries so hard. Will he continue to try hard in middle school? Will the other kids be mean because he is different?

Am I suppose to punish Alex on the two days that he is here every other week? His Dad doesn't punish him but will two days of punishment make him improve where the rest of the time he gets to play video games and hang out with friends.


Adoptee said...

Have you thought about a school like NMMI for your older son? They have oodles of scholarships. It's a great school that offers high school and 2 years of college if they choose to stay.


Staci said...

I often wonder if my momma feels the same way. I hope she doesn't, she also likes to say that is is stupid, which angers me because I love her so much and feel like it's a direct reflection of me because I am her child. I know the only reason I have a 4.0 and going toward my masters is because I wanted to prove to myself and to everyone else that I was worth something, nothing more. It wasn't parenting as nobody else in my afamily has gone to college. What makes me proud is that I was the reason my momma decided to go to college last fall and now my sister (10) is trying to get better grades then me. My momma's parenting did not change. Actually, I don't know what did. I guess that what I am trying to say and hope it comes off that way, I know what you are talking about. Adoption skews my side too as an adoptee and I wish it didn't skew your side either because I love my momma and she doesn't deserve it and neither do you. You sound like an amazing mom to me.

birthmothertalks said...

What is a school like NMMI? We looked into one alternative and it was so strict that they would have kicked him out super fast. I think he needs someone to challenge him and not put up with crap but a program that is going to be as strict as they were wouldn't work for him.
I went to an alternative school and we are looking into the same one but as of right now my does doesn't seem to do anything and I don't know if they can work miracles.
Thanks for your insight Staci.. I guess sometimes I just think too much. I see my daughter doing so well and my sons struggle and it makes me wonder where did I go wrong?
I think it's awesome that your Mom and sister want to be more like you. I stuck my foot in the door with college classes a couple years ago and I am thinking about going back but it's so scary. It's hard to balance everything.

chicks3 said...

Remember that your daughter and your sons have different fathers. That could account for some of their differences school-wise. If your ex is not doing his job as a parent could you have your son return to your home to live?

birthmothertalks said...

I will answer your question in a blog post in a day or so.