Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Thank you

I have never really taken the time to talk to the adoptive parents or the couples are waiting to adopt about how much it means to me when I see that they have either linked my blog to their page or another birthmom's blog to their page.

I think some adoptive couples are closet readers.. shhhh don't want people to know that I am reading the other side.. or maybe some adoptive couples have zero interest in reading the other side and that makes me very sad. I found a lot of comfort from learning for adoptive couples and it's been good to read from adoptees too. Sometimes, it's a hard read especially if they are sad, because it makes me feel bad. Their birthmom (could very well, be like me) made a decision that made them sad. For those that are sad or hurting because of adoption, I am sorry.

Well, anyways, it makes me happy when I see adoptive couples or waiting couples willing to not only read birthmoms blogs but to link the blogs to their page. I have to wonder do the ones with the links to birthmoms in open adoptions or desire open adoptions for your child and your child's birthparents? ...... and the ones who only have adoptive couples blogs linked have closed adoptions or only desire closed adoption... do the blogs of those hurting... cause them too much guilt? Guilt because you gained your child through adoption and haven't come to terms with how to deal with it yet.. or guilt because you want to adopt and forget the birthmoms?

So, tell me... am I correct.. if you link birthmom's blogs.. can you tell me if the adoptions are open or closed? And if you choose not to link them.... can you tell me if it's open or closed?

Again, thanks for those that do. It shows me that your willing to learn from others and that makes me very happy. Also, when I see how much your love your little babies and kids... it makes me feel better about someone else loving my daughter as much as I do.


riversnake said...

I definitely think you are on to something. Most of my fellow adoptive mother's are in or desire open adoptions and the blogs they read reflect it (i.e. including blogs of first parents and adoptees). But those in closed adoptions (that prefer it that way) only follow other AP blogs. Also, I find that those who adopt internationally tend to only follow AP blogs. Both probably do so for out of site out of mind reasons.

Even as an AP I find this sad. Mostly because I think about their child(ren) and whether or not they will receive the support they need as they develop their own identity and what it means to them to have been adopted.

~ Jill

Karine said...

I hope for an open adoption for two reasons. #1 for the child. the child we hope to adopt will want to know who his birth parents are, where they came from, why they might look, act, think different than we do.
#2 for the birth parents. I can't imagine how hard it must be to place a child for adoption. My heart breaks for them. I know that the birth parents are NOT the only ones who want to be apart of the child. There are birth grandparents and aunts/uncles... etc.
For me it just means more family.
I feel bad for those who have closed adoption. I feel the child will grieve not knowing and having to find them later or whatever. It saddens me.