Sunday, January 3, 2010

I think it's pretty common that birth parents don't receive counseling after the birth of their child. My daughter's birth was pushed under a rug.. shhh don't tell anyone and just the fact that it was never mentioned again sent a signal to me that I did something bad. I left my child with strangers to raise. I didn't know them at all. What kind of Mom leaves her kid with strangers? As a child, I was taught not to talk to strangers, but I gave my child to strangers. It really does something to you.
The only counseling I received was because the school set it up. Even then, it was a big joke, because after 9Th grade ended, we met at Mc Donalds. So I quit seeing her. I wonder how many birth parents turned to drinking or drugs as a way to lessen the pain. I know I turned to drinking for a while, because it was the only way not to feel it. I am happy that realized that it wasn't the answer and moving away from my aunts house didn't hurt anything. She makes me sick. I will never forgive her for what she has done to me.
Last month, we went to a benefit for one of my aunts and gave a few dollars and my husband says that if this aunt up and dies then we will be there stealing from it. hahaha. Famlies should stick together, but I have learned that you can't count on others. It's not that kind of world.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

As the close friend of a birthmother, I've seen just a fraction of what you must go through on a daily basis. I don't claim to understand, because unless I go through it, I'll never be able to... simply saying that I've seen her deal with it and I know more about it than someone who has never been close to someone who has placed their child for adoption.

I know the pain is deep... but saying you'll never forgive your aunt is punishing YOU, and it is NOT punishing her. You deserve more than that!

Although I'm not a birthmother, I know pain. I was abused for 11 years, then kidnapped & held in Mexico for a full month. I've been hurt beyond belief. I am NOT comparing that to losing your child - I'm simply saying that I know what it's like to say, "I'll never forgive."

Forgiving the people who did those things to me was freeing to ME. To them, it doesn't matter, because they still say nothing wrong happened. But for my sake, I had to forgive. Not only does God command it, holding onto that grudge prevented me from truly living.

I'm not saying I've been in your shoes, and I know it seems like forgiving is impossible. But I can promise you that it IS possible to forgive. It isn't easy, and it can't be done without God's strength, but it is possible. And if you can find the faith to do that, you will be set free from some of the chains that have been binding you for so many years.

I'll be praying for you.

- Michelle