It doesn't really surprise me that so many birth parents are speaking out online. Adoption has been treated as hush hush and birth parents have often felt like they were silenced. Starting off with their families. So, when your own family silences you then it's even harder to speak out in the world. I have always felt like I lived a double life.. like I wasn't true to myself. It's hard to explain. One day, a neighbor girl was being cute and really doing nothing wrong and the Mom said this is why you didn't have a girl. I wanted to come across the fence and touch her. It's those innocent statements that sometimes just really sting.

I added the link to my private blog. You will still need to log in to read it, but I thought this way you can find the link easier.

Today, I went to a memorial service for my live in client of two years. The family asked me to assist the wife (step mom) to the service and possibly to lunch. I was honored to be asked and I got to sit with the family. It was a beautiful service and he will be greatly missed. I felt really bad for the wife ( ex client) I know longer take care of her. During the summer, she was placed in a nursing home. I thought I would have been assisting them with lunch, but they decided not to take the wife to the lunch. I was still invited, but I didn't think they treated her fairly. I know it's not their real mother and real grandma (she has been gone for a long time) but come on.. don't they think she would have enjoyed the lunch and family or was the whole time they called her Grandma and told her that they loved her. Was it all a front? Now they can wash their hands of her since their Dad, Grandfather is gone.

I hope everyone had a really nice Christmas. Mine was pretty good. I really can't complain and even if I did no one would probably listen. Ha! I took a few pictures of the day. I think I take freaking horrible pictures, but oh well.

Am I the only person with bunnies trying to get the gifts from under the tree? This is normal right? hahaha.

I continue to be amazed by the support and the connections I have made through blogging. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined the support from others in the adoption world. I started off blogging, because well, I was using it as therapy. I still get amazed at the connections I have made.
I have been able to talk on the phone with another birthmom. It's was great to talk to someone who gets me.
I got an amazing email from an adoptive mommy that about made me cry. It was so sweet. It's a amazing thing this technology has made possible.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Enjoy your special day with whomever is special to you. Also, don't forget to kiss Santa! I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus!! :) I know I am gonna kiss my Santa.

Let's be grown up

Children of divorce parents really feel the effects for more than jut childhood. Tomorrow, I am going to my little sister's house for Christmas Eve dinner. It will be my Dad and his wife and my sister and her boyfriend and my brother. Also, myself and my husband and kids. I guess my Mom isn't coming because she doesn't want to be around my Dad's wife. My ex husband hasn't remarried, but I wouldn't let his wife keep me from enjoying some family time. I admit that my step Mom isn't fun to be around. I won't say more haha
I don't care for my ex husband much, but we can sometimes stand each other for the children. We were able to have a pizza party for our son with my new husband around. It's something that just feels right.
Also, I was able to enjoy my step daughter's baby shower, because her Mom and I can be civil and even friendly. We don't have to be friends, but we can show up at the same place without feeling odd. But I can only speak for myself. So yes, divorce does effect people, even into adulthood, but things don't have to be weird. Speaking of the baby shower, I got a Thank you card and it said how I was going to be a good grandma. It was really sweet of her. The way I look at it is that this baby and other babies can never have too many good people watching out for her. Don't forget the buying of dolls and stuff.

I have really had a crazy year. I can't believe all the changes that have happened. Most of them have been for the good. I am not so sure about my job changed being for the good though. I am still doing what I love though, but I am broke. My company charges huge fees and wants us to start bring in food for the elderly. Well, the people who use our company don't need food from me and besides I want to say I work for ---------- that means I am broke! If you really care about the elderly why don't use cut some of your profits and give them better rates, because I can assure you the ones who really need the food can't even afford our care. I am all for giving to the drives, but for the most part, I do my part, because I don't run to the food drives.
I really have had to really focus on my clients needs, because they have been sending me to some challenging clients and I just want to give up, but then I see that they really need the care and if I work with them hopefully I can make them improve their quality of the issues.
I have been working for Nick in a nursing home and the aides mis treat him. He should have two people who transfer him to bed, but they just move in by lifting him and it's not gentle. I have offered to help, but they won't let me. I can't lift him on my own, because I would be even worse. I am not as strong and besides it's againsnt my companies rules. I had to report them and give names.
Well, it's getting late and I am rambling on and on. I better get to bed. Tomorrow, we are making Christmas cookies and cupcakes. We might share!!! Sweet dreams.

Did you know that you could turn your blog into a book? Weird!

Christmas is around the corner, it's still a fun time of year, but I admit that I loved it more when my kids were little. I love to buy stuff for my sons. But as the older they get the harder it gets. I tend to be able to find more things for my 9 year old son. It's not that I don't like to get my 15 year old stuff, but I don't know what to get him. If I buy video games, they can's be played here, because we don't have a system and I am okay with it. I am debating on getting a wii someday, because I can't seem to win the battle againisnt the games and it seems to be the friendly system. Correct me if I am wrong please. What do you buy a 15 year old anyways? Cash seems rude like I don't know a thing about you alien kid. haha. If I buy a gift card, I can't know for sure his Dad won't take it from him. Don't get me started on him.
Someone help me. I only have about 50 more to spend and I don't want to buy to just buy. Any ideas?

The other sister by S.T. Underdahl

I just did a review on the book mentioned above. If anyone is interested in being added to the private blog just leave me a email address. I can only invite those with the profiles and blogs to protect my thoughts and feelings from those who know me.

The other sister was a very good book and the ending gave me chills but in a good way. I read it front to cover within a few hours. It gave me some insight that I really haven't taken the time to think about, but I won't go into details. but will on my private blog. If anyone is reading this and not that one, I can still add other people.

I just picked up the book called "The other sister" By S.T. Underdahl. I know I will fly right threw it. I will let ya all know what I think about it.

As a caregiver, I am under the same laws that teachers are. Mandatory reporting if I suspect abuse. Nick told me that the other people who live there hit, kick and spit on him. Plus when I asked the cna to assist me in getting him to bed.. she got all huffy and puffy and just basically took a whole of him and lifted him to bed. She said that I should know how to transfer him. Well, I have taken of many people, but no one so helpless as him. I may not have the experience and know how to transfer him from a wheelchair to his bed, but I know that tossing him like a doll on the bed isn't the way. He didn't seem disturbed. I am guessing this is how he is always treated. It make me sick. I almost threw up when he was telling me how he gets treated and then I did on the way home and after I was home. I don't feel well at all. So, I did my job and reported it. My company was aware of the other residents mistreating him and they are searching for a better place for him.

my client

When I got to the nursing home, Nick (will call him that) was waiting for me. I knew it was based on how they described him. He was so excited to see me. His body is all badly changed from C.P. He has had it all his life. (that's what his book said) His speech is so hard to understand and it looked almost painful for him to talk, but he loves to talk. Mostly, if I watched his lips and pay close attention, I could understand him. A couple times, I just had to fake it.
It was hard to not cry for him. It's just so sad. But I know Nick didn't want my tears, but my company. We spent most of the time talking and looking at videos on his computer. He has this cool set up that allows him to roll the mouse with a stick and push the keys with it. He took longer than most, but he wanted to do it.
I helped undress him and washed up his face for bed. I am not experienced enough in cases like this to really be putting someone to bed. But I was sent so I didn't have much choice. I had to help him stand and basically lift him to bed. Why the aides are not doing this I don't know. Or I know they want them all in bed early.
When I left I cried a little. Life isn't fair. This man is about my Dad's age and has to live in a nursing home. The room that the two men shared was about the size of my living room. How sad. I go see Nick again tonight at 10 pm.

Tonight, I am going to go to a nursing home and take care of a man who is only 58 years old. I haven't met him yet. I have to in there at 10 pm to midnight. I guess he is really lonely and the aides were making him go to bed early. So Sad! It actually makes me very mad. Just because his body isn't working right doesn't mean his mind is gone. He is a person with his thoughts and why does he have to get forced to go to bed and why does he have to pay my company so much money for me to come hang? I wish I could afford to do a little of this stuff for free, but stupid rules usually don't want people to come hang for free. I tried to volunteer once and I basically told we don't allow that. How rude!!! This man is the same age as my Dad. His parents are both gone now. Too Bad.

Faith

My boys have always been exposed to going to church and hearing the word of God. My first husband's mother is a member at a small church and I never felt welcome there. I don't know why, but it just wasn't me.
In the past six months or so, I have begin to have faith in God. That he will work everything out for me. I am less stressed and less angry than I used to be. I love the church I choose to go to. It really lifts my spirit and gives me a sense of peace and belonging. I am have come a long way in my healing, but I still have a long way to go. A lot of the stuff that is preached in the bible is fine and dandy, but it's not all very logical.
I always give to the offering. It's between a dollar to five dollars at each service, but sometimes I don't have anything and I don't give. This week, I gave my little son two dollars to put in the offering. He handed one dollar to his brother and his brother didn't take it. So he said just keep it. I didn't hear the conversation, but I seen my son put the dollar in his pocket. I noticed and was disappointed in him. I made him take it out and give both dollars in the offering. I lectured him off and on for quite a while. My older son mentioned that he said keep it and didn't mean to keep it to himself, but to just put it in there. So, my biggest message to my son is that the bible says if we give than God blesses us with so much more. That he will take care of our every need. I told my son this, but I am not sure if I really have that faith.
My family and I have really been struggling. We are still so behind in the house payment and other bills. I lost about half my income when my live in client quit using my company. My husband's hours flop all over the place. Right now they are strong, but it's because someone got arrested. I can't think that it was God's work. Christmas is coming and the only way I can really buy for my children is to just do it and be without money. That takes a lot of faith that nothing is going to happen. So, while I do believe in the power of God and have faith that things will work out, I still am really struggling giving him my all.

Since, private blogs don't show up on the reader, I thought I would let the ones who follow it know that I have written a few new posts. Also, does anyone have the link to Letters to Olivia? I deleted on accident from my blog roll.

advice from a caregiver

I have been taking care of the elderly in their homes for three years. Most of my experience has been live-in with a couple that was 96 years old and ended at 98 years old. They are still alive, but no longer with my company. The wife is in the nursing home and the husband I heard went with another company, because he was mad at the rate increase from live-in rate to hourly rate. But that isn't my point here. I have had plenty of other experiences being in the homes of the elderly.
I currently work for a couple and the husband is the one who needs us and the wife kind of uses us for her needs to which is okay, but she is the stronger one of the two. So my message is for the wifes, husbands, sons, daughters, or anyone else who finds themselves caring for the elderly has either a paid job or because you are their family. When you have a caregiver around all the time it's easy to expect the caregiver to take care of your family members every need.
My Advice is.

• Don't talk about the elderly as if they weren't there.
• Let them do as much as they can. Don't expect the caregiver to 100% dress them, because it's faster.
• Let them make as many choices as they can.
  
• Don't always just give everything they might want. Make them ask. (or they will forget)
• If the person is able to do something such as housework with your help. let them.
  
• Don't talk to them as children. Don't say that's a good boy.
  
• Give them privacy in the bathroom (if possible) don't expect the caregiver to wipe them if they can do it.
  
• Use humor. They love it if you can bring some laughter in.
• Don't pick up the phone when they talk or don't assume that they wouldn't enjoy talking.
  
• Do take them out of the house even if it's some work.
  
• Don't try to overly control what they want to eat. Come on is a second piece of candy gonna hurt someone over 80 or 90

Over all remember they are people still with needs and let them keep some dignity. I have seen some major things where people are trying to control the others and it's just not right. Sometimes I feel that I have protect clients from their own spouses. But not in the sense of danger, but just let them be.

OH NO!!! Snacky is in a BLENDER! Tad, why are you doing this to the poor kitty? It looks like him. It has the same markings. It just has to be him. I just know it is. {{sniff sniff}}

My husband didn't get his last couple hours of sleep, but wasn't mad at me. But he is having a little fun with the Snacky situation. It's okay though. I love Snacky. He is so cute! He is full grown, but a smaller cat so he is kind of like kitten like still.

I decided to get some soda and on the way home, I seen a cat that looked like my cat Snacky,dead on the road, I just knew it was him and went home crying. I was so upset. Snacky is the first cat, I loved after my cat Tigger died. My husband went to look at the dead cat and came home and said it wasn't him, but I didn't believe him so we were going to go look again. So when, we were leaving Snacky walked up!! So Snacky lives, but my husband didn't get to sleep in.