Sunday, December 13, 2009


My boys have always been exposed to going to church and hearing the word of God. My first husband's mother is a member at a small church and I never felt welcome there. I don't know why, but it just wasn't me.
In the past six months or so, I have begin to have faith in God. That he will work everything out for me. I am less stressed and less angry than I used to be. I love the church I choose to go to. It really lifts my spirit and gives me a sense of peace and belonging. I am have come a long way in my healing, but I still have a long way to go. A lot of the stuff that is preached in the bible is fine and dandy, but it's not all very logical.
I always give to the offering. It's between a dollar to five dollars at each service, but sometimes I don't have anything and I don't give. This week, I gave my little son two dollars to put in the offering. He handed one dollar to his brother and his brother didn't take it. So he said just keep it. I didn't hear the conversation, but I seen my son put the dollar in his pocket. I noticed and was disappointed in him. I made him take it out and give both dollars in the offering. I lectured him off and on for quite a while. My older son mentioned that he said keep it and didn't mean to keep it to himself, but to just put it in there. So, my biggest message to my son is that the bible says if we give than God blesses us with so much more. That he will take care of our every need. I told my son this, but I am not sure if I really have that faith.
My family and I have really been struggling. We are still so behind in the house payment and other bills. I lost about half my income when my live in client quit using my company. My husband's hours flop all over the place. Right now they are strong, but it's because someone got arrested. I can't think that it was God's work. Christmas is coming and the only way I can really buy for my children is to just do it and be without money. That takes a lot of faith that nothing is going to happen. So, while I do believe in the power of God and have faith that things will work out, I still am really struggling giving him my all.

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