Monday, July 4, 2011

A few days ago, I got a message on Facebook asking me if I was Alex's Mom. I knew right away who it was. It was a friend of mine that I actually met a very long time ago in a chat room. We met up in person and had a friendship. Our friendship extended to our children being friends and so forth.

It really had been a long time since we lost contact with each other. So, long that I am no longer married to the same husband but married to someone else. So, long that, I am about 95% sure that I never even told her that I had a daughter. That would have been way before I was open to talking about being a birthmom. Plus, many of our get togethers were while we had children with us.

I believe the last time I have seen her was around her 3rd child's first birthday. That child is seven now.

We been communicating on facebook for the last few days and in a way it's like we never lost contact. However, I been trying to remember why we lost contact. Also, trying to decide what do I want out of this renewed friendship.

I think I remember her getting to become not a very reliable person. What I mean is that I don't recall her making a whole lot of effort in being friends. I have never been one to hold onto friends if I didn't think it was working for me. Even in middle school, when I didn't have friends there were times that I would accept being without friends than accepting the geeks or dealing with people that I just realized that I don't like.

Funny story coming here. I was in seventh grade and I became friends with this one girl and after hanging out with her day in and day out. I just didn't like her and didn't want to be around her. Not being very mature. I told my older sister that so and so said your a slut and a bitch! Well, that made my sister very ticked off and my sister was waiting to beat her up the next day when she followed me home. I didn't like the girl but I didn't want to see her get beat up. I had to fess up and tell my sister that I lied that I just didn't like her anymore.

One of the things this old/new friend said today reminded me of how I am so different. She said, she quit going to the Y because she didn't have anyone to go with. I know other people who will avoid doing something because they don't have anyone.

I almost started feeling down because I don't have my kids for the 4TH of July but then I turned it around and I went to the local pool. I was there for about 4 or so hours. I was able to swim and rest in peace. I was able to lay out on the chairs in peace. Sure, I kind of feel guilty for enjoying myself at the pool without my kids but I realized that I don't need other people to be happy. I can be just as happy on my own. That doesn't mean that I don't want friends and don't enjoy their company. I just think it's cause I can be okay with just me.

1 comment:

A Life Being Lived said...

I am glad you had a peaceful afternoon, even if you weren't with your kids, you deserve some time for yourself! It is a GIFT to be ok in your own skin, and to be able to just "be" on your own, without the need to have company all of the time. I also know people who can't stand to be alone and as much as I appreciate and understand the need for human contact, if you can't be "ok" by yourself you will have it really tough in the long run. Plus you appreciate your friends and family more when you do get to spend time with them :)