Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I am going to try to finish my response to the comment. Sorry, I am kind of long winded and could blog forever about my kids.

Again, this is hard because I have to admit my weakness and my failures and try to do a balance act of our family and also need to figure out a way to help me son be a responsible adult that can take care of himself and someone others would want to be around.

I been kind of mean lately to Alex. I have said things that are true but could be done better. I guess I am just so afraid for his future that I have lashed out at him about grades and maybe thought shame would work. I really don't think I am going to get him to do work by using shame.

I been feeling guilty because I am wondering if I am choosing a husband over my son. I say that because I am afraid that he would split us apart. If I wasn't worried about divorce and my husband then I wouldn't have that fear. However, I have a lot more to consider than just breaking my heart from losing my husband. Stephen would have to face a second divorce and deal with not living with his stepdad. Also, honestly, I couldn't provide the two parent household if my husband moved out. I would lose my home and be in the same situation as my ex husband.

Maybe, these are all excuses because I am tired. I don't know if we have what it takes to turn Alex around and take care of Stephen. I don't know if hell would break lose and run the risk of having to walk around on egg shells again. I used to be afraid to leave my husband and Alex home together. Alex doesn't respect my husband's authority over him and I am afraid of the outcome should something go crazy and I can't get home.

I do think one big issue with my son is that he hasn't been getting a lot of consequences for his actions or lack of actions. I really want to and need to try to make him go without for not doing what we ask.

One thing that my husband mentioned is that Alex may feel bad when he comes to our house and sees that we just recently each bought a car and that we put a new floor down in our house and he lives in a mobile home that often has issues that the landlord isn't taking care of a proper amount of time. I can see how we could discourage him but I don't know what to do about it. I guess we just have different levels of what we are willing to put up with. My current husband talks about how it takes two of us. There have been a few things that my husband could care less. One example was a leaky sink. He was okay with having a pan under there. I paid for it and arranged for it to be fixed. The biggest example is how we needed the new floor and he was okay with it as it was. He basically just agreed to use some of our tax refund to buy the flooring to shut me up. He did go as far as being willing to help install it to save money.

Also, I want to start making him cook with me on the nights that I cook. He really acts like he doesn't have a clue about cooking so that's one thing that I can hopefully teach him. Hopefully this will give him some skills but also give us time to do something together.

I think this ends my answering of the question if Alex can live with us again. I think the short answer right now is no. But I like to be willing to keep on open mind and make changes that could make him living with us more comfortable to all that is involved. I do have to end it with that some of it is always going to be about how the grass is greener on the other side. If both households could be ran similar it might get rid of the feeling that the grass is greener but this isn't a perfect world. If my ex husband and I got along well enough to influence each others and have the same life then we could be still married.

1 comment:

Campbell said...

I don't have any magic answers for you in all of this but I just wanted to say there are things in what you say that I completely relate to, that I know something of myself. Hang in there.