I did on her birthday send a card to her house. It had special meaning to me and I wrote a little bit of a sappy note on how much she means to me and how I don't tell her "i love you" enough.. I didn't put in the truth that I don't say it much cause I sort of feel like she doesn't love me so saying "i love you" can be awkward.
On her birthday, I wrote her a happy birthday message on my dry erase board and she did comment on that last night as they were packing up to go. They are on the way home now. It basically said Thanks!! She loved it! And she was sorry she didn't have time to reply because this trip was jam packed. It makes my heart happy to finally get something back from her but that makes me feel like a dog begging for table scraps. It more so makes my heart sad cause really?? Your here for two weeks? After the reception another week? So busy that you can't even reply to a message or comment that your busy and don't have time? I am sorry but I just don't buy it. If one has time for facebook postings then one has time to reply a one or two sentense reply saying we are just too busy. Maybe, she was busy but if I was important to her she would have made time to see me or even attempt to write me. So I guess I just don't stand very high on what is important to her.
My husband thinks I am reading into what is not there? I suppose that's not any different for him to try to make little of my discomfort. I don't think I am reading into anything. I see the facts in front of me. The fact is she couldn't even bother to write back. I get that her family comes first. I wouldn't expect to come first but two weeks and one can't spare an hour or two to catch up?
I don't know where to go with this.. I know it's their trip and their money. I am broke always.. I never have money for that kind of trip plus I don't travel well. So it's within their right to choose how to spend their vacation. I don't want to only see her cause she pity's me. I honestly feel like she could take or leave me.. So part of me wants to not make contact for visits anymore. If she is in town and asks me.. fine then.. but I just feel like there are plenty of people who love me and I don't have to beg to see them. I am worth more than this.