Friday, February 1, 2013

emotional changes for weight loss

I am so close to my 50 lb lost that I can feel it. It's no longer a dream out there to lose it. It is a reality that it will happen. I will be weighing in today at the Y so check back later to see if my ticker changed closer to the 50 lb lost. It doesn't do halfs so right now I am at 47.5 so it shows 48 lbs.

I have been thinking about my past attempt to lose 50 lbs and I did do it but I don't think I kept it off long or did I have as good as an understanding of what it takes to lose weight. The sad part is that I used a place to lose weight and paid them. If I remember right they did the diary but didn't count calories. They did counting carbs, fruit, veggies ect.

Every week, I had to show them the diary and weigh in. I don't thiink it worked for me due to having a person in person going over my food and weighing me.

However, I think it's more than that. I am at a state in my life where I am no longer in an emotional war within myself trying to be happy without knowing my daughter or having an relationship with her.

I do think the emotional stuff does play a role in gaining weight or losing weight. Eating sweets and fast food was a quick fix to helping my hurting heart.

I think my marriage is at a much better place to than it was years ago. when I lost weight years ago, I tried to lose it so my first husband would love me. I know that sounds horrible. But I never felt like I was good enough for him. I won't go into details why I felt this way.

Not to say my marriage is perfect and we don't have our bumps in the road and I don't still have moments where I hate all men and would like to push him down the stairs. LOL just kidding about the stairs part. I just remember how angry I could get dealing with the drama from his drinking 24/7. He has been sober coming up on 4 years I believe. He can still be an ass sometimes. LOL

This time around I am losing the weight for me. It's not for my husband. Even though I did get pretty insecure about it due to his picking on me for gaining weight since I harped on him for drinking.

It's one of those things that will never go away. It will always be in the back of my head but still I am not doing it for him. It's for me. If he likes the changes then that's cool too. He has been very supportive of all the changes I have made in my life.

I measure my food. I pay for a gym membership and use it. I had to buy workout clothes, zumba shoes and spend more on groceries at time to keep me eating healthier. I have slowly bought myself new clothes to fit my new body. A lot of them have come from the second hand shops but when I realize I fit into a new jean size I have just had to have at least one pair of the new size new. I bought my own zumba dvd's and toning sticks and now I am wanting to look into running shoes because I am intrested in running. I am not sure if I am intrested enough in it to get another pair of shoes. This weight loss can be expensive. I can no longer wear my wedding rings and when I complain that my clothes are falling off with a smile on my face my husband tells me to eat a cookie. LOL

I am sure having Izzy back in my life and an supportive husband is the main reason why I am having such an easier time with this weight loss. Check back later to see if my ticker changed.


Christina B said...

I am so proud of you for choosing this for YOU! You've inspired me and I've started my weight loss and am down 5 pounds. I'll check back to see if your ticker changes to the big 5-0!

birthmothertalks said...

I am so glad that I inspired you. Congrats on the first five lbs! best advice is give it time. I made the 50!!

Lorraine Dusky said...

You go girl. You sound like you are in a good place.