Sunday, February 10, 2013


I was downstairs getting ready to do zumba and my son's gf walks into his room. (he wasn't home) She embraced me in a hug and started crying really bad. I hugged her back and my heart just melted. I have never held a young girl as she cried. The poor girl was sobbing. She said he was talking about other girls and she broke up with him. I don't know what to do with my kid.

It's just getting worse and worse around here. I have a son who is moving on with his life and not spending time with his family. He ditches most dinner time with us and rarely spends time with us but is dependent on us for a place to stay. If he is going to distance himself. I am so ready for him to move on with his life either living with us and making his own money or living else where.

I see how he is keeping his bedroom. It's trashed! I didn't have the cleanest house when I lived with his Dad and I still don't. It's much better compared to my earlier days. My ex was a slob. I see son is a slob. I think he is suffering from living with his Dad for those few years.

We are suffering because we don't have control in this household like we used to have. I fear my son will steal from us. I have no reason to suspect this. He hasn't stolen from us that we are aware of. Nothing of mine has come up missing. Okay. I lose crap and think someone took it and then find it. My husband thinks it's funny. I guess the reason I feel this way cause people without money might resort to things they otherwise wouldn't.

We keep saying that we are going to give him times to insist he is out looking for a job but yet to do it. I know it's our fault. In my head I want to say you will do this....... and if not then you move out now. It's an struggle that I know will tear my heart into a million pieces if I have to kick him out. I know it's for the best for him.

We want to say if you skip out on dinner and especially five minutes before it's done. (he has done this several times) that the kitchen is closed and don't come looking for food. We know we can't babysit the kitchen and don't want to resort to locking food up so it would be all empty threats. We go to sleep before him on most nights.

I don't think it would be right to lock him in the basement so he can't help himself to food to fill his belly. The part that really gets us is that he doesn't come looking for his dinner but snacks like the fruit and other items I suspect he might be eating. However, if it's something like pizza or one of his favorite dishes then he eats it. It makes us feel like a fair weather friend.

I have personally made it a goal of mine to be a better caregiver to my elderly. It's not that I am not good at what I do. But I need to grow with my clients as their dementia changes and find new ways to handle them and give quality care. It was a challenge but considering that both of my clients got a real shower this week on my shift I think my week was a success at improving. I don't know if it was anything different that I did this week that worked but I had goals in mind to work on improving the quality of life and I kept those extra tasks in mind and did it.

I want to grow as a Mom and make my son grow up to be a person that can take care of his own self. I want him to feel like he a part of this family but at the same time start be a 3rd person that his able to help keep our house afloat.

We are almost two months away from his kick out date. I wish I could get inside my son's head and figure out what makes him tick.

I wonder if at times.. he feels like he was given second best when I bought my house and gave him a room in the basement. If I could do it again.. I would have chosen a 3 bedroom house but can't go back. He made up the storage room and put tile down and he had the option of having 3/4 of the basement for his living quarters but chose to move everything into the bedroom he created.

I am just feeling really sad. I have never held a young girl in my arms as she sobbed. I am not sure Izzy even embraced me that strongly. She cried that she would miss us. I told her she could still come see us. Young love is hard.

1 comment:

Leah said...

You know, you sound like a really great mom, and there is only so much you can do. You are in a very difficult situation with your son. I think we all reach a point in our lives where we need to take ownership of our lives, and your son is definitely at that point. I'm sure there were rough points growing up, but at the end of the day, you've been ther for him, and now now he must choose to grow up. Thinking of you.