Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Open Heart Open adoption

I read the book once because I was asked to participate in a book tour. I didn't give my thoughts on the book when the tour came around. I agreed that the author could do a guest post.

I was asked to give my thoughts on it a while back and wanted to read it again but I can't seem to make myself read the book again. I will just try to go what I remember where my thoughts from when I read it the first time and then parts of the second time around.

First, I think the title of the book sets one up to think they are going to be reading more about an open adoption story when in fact it's more of a story about a couple's journey to adoption but is one that is open. I have read plenty of books about the road prospective parents travel down to see somethings from their perspective.

I won't say there wasn't any loving moments in the book but I just felt like it was too much of a story of poor me and this is how we feel and this is how we want things to be done. I felt like the author focused his writing too much on his fears, anxiety and the emotions that go into the waiting game of being chose by a prospective birthmother and it wasn't really a lot focused on the open part of the adoption with the young lady that brought a baby into this world and into their arms.

I might miss a few points that I would have pointed out if the book grasped my attention a second time but will do my best.

I personally think moving the soon to be Mother away from her family and away from the adoption laws they didn't like is unethical. They did it to get away from the birthfather and so the adoption wouldn't be fought. The family only learned things from him from her side of the story and while maybe their is a chance that he didn't want his child adopted out and didn't want to be the father is a very bad thing. However, men sometimes take longer to come around to the idea of a pregnancy as being a real baby and weather is actions were right or wrong.. I find it shady to move her to another state to get the adoption done.

Not only was the soon to be Mother facing an pregnancy she didn't plan for but she was underage. They separated her from her family and she was surrounded by only the prospective parents and their friends and family. The young lady had a father who didn't want to see the child adopted and she was apart from him. She did later get his support of the adoption from a phone call.

I didn't like how it appeared that the birthmother had picked a name for the baby and it looked to me like they had agreed with the name or maybe they were just walking on egg shells trying to agree to anything she said but later got enough courage to ask for one of the two names to be changed. I believe it mentioned wanting to respect her wishes and kept one name. Later on, they decide they want to completely pick another name and asked her if she minded. I believe they go as far as saying how they weren't sure if she was really okay with the change but I just think they were not all that worried about what the soon to be birthmother thought of her feelings.

I think that having the soon to be Mother living with the soon to be adoptive parents is or could be another way to get control of the birthmother to be. It would be harder to have a change of heart after your living with them and get to know them better.

Well those are my main points about this book. I did find it a book that kept my attention but not enough for a second time.

No comments: