Today, I took my son for an assessment with a doctor. Excuse me for not knowing what kind of head doctor he is. My goal in seeing him is to get an IQ test and he did that today. He gave us conner forms for ourselves and a couple of his teachers to fill out. We are to see him again in two weeks during the school day again. Don't get me started on that one.
I don't know why but I want someone to confirm or deny or DX of autism. Maybe, I am wanting someone to say that it's wrong. Maybe, I want someone to say yes... he has a mental condition... your not just a bad Mom who don't know how to control her children.
I feel bad talking about my son in front of him. When I speak of his issues it almost feels like in the sceme of things that it's not so bad. So what if he has obsessions over pencils and singing to the breaking point of driving his family a little crazy. So what if he screams telling us no and then does it anyways. So what if he talks about food and demanded fast food for lunch at the appointment even though he would make it to school anytime. So what if he doesn't understand that most people wouldn't want you sitting at a table while they ate and you sat there and looked at them.
I accept and love my son the way he is but would like to see him struggle less. But at what costs? Counseling that takes him away from school? Did the counseling make him want comfort food? Kind of counter productive with our food issues.
Medication? My son is on too much already for asthma and allergies. What about side effects and long term effects? What about the drug shortage of adhd drugs and the kids and the families chasing around searching for "drugs" What happens if someday down the road there is lack of insurance or money for drugs and he self medicates with something else.
By not medicating... am I doing my son a dis service? Is moving at turtle speed and going about things the hardest way a bad thing?
He goes to his first counseling session tomorrow and we will miss our Y night. We will have to have a late dinner. Again, I wonder if it's counter productive.
Sometimes, I feel like I just must not be a good Mom. Both of my sons are just not being very successful. I been getting into it with Alex how he barely does his chores and expects 15 a week. I redid his chore list and gave him two months to have a job and after that I won't pay. I was given the idea to give him a dollar amount for snacks and it words to certain extent cause he isn't helping himself to food anymore but he is basically getting a free run to to get whatever he wants because he sneaks food. Alex is skinny and fit and can eat and eat and not gain weight. We have asked Alex to be discreet and not eat extras in front of Stephen and not to ask us for sweets right after we told Stephen no. I get mad cause I think his brother should understand that his brother has issues and not make life harder for us.
Sorry for going on and on.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
A long time ago, I went to counseling at the church and met the Pastor's wife. She wrote me on facebook about a friend who's grandfather needs care and thought of me. I said they could contact me and I would talk to them.
I have played around with doing private care giving but never done it. The chances never come up when I am lacking hours. I spoke to the grand daughter and they need round the clock care. It's also a situation that will sooner or later need hospice.
Before knowing the details, my husband said maybe he even could do it. I played around in my head of the idea that we could both take on this person here and there. I didn't know what extent of care the person would need.
After talking to her and hearing about the grandfather I had to promote and encourage they use an agency. For me personally, I can't quit an agency for private person who is gonna die. Also, I can't take the risks of taking care of him. I need my company to have my back.
I think private could be a way to go if you just need a few hours here and there but not for around the clock care.. .. I would go agency all the way. I felt bad because I want to help them but the risks are too high for me.
The sad part about it all and I hope my company never reads this that not everyone can afford to go with an agency. I have had clients tell me "you don't come cheap" lol and it's true. They pay a pretty penny to have caregivers that work for an agency compared to private. I suppose it's one of those things you get what you pay for type of things.
To tell the truth.. I don't want to work anymore than I do. I am happy with the amount of hours I work. I would be cheating myself and my family if I took an another client on my days off.
I have played around with doing private care giving but never done it. The chances never come up when I am lacking hours. I spoke to the grand daughter and they need round the clock care. It's also a situation that will sooner or later need hospice.
Before knowing the details, my husband said maybe he even could do it. I played around in my head of the idea that we could both take on this person here and there. I didn't know what extent of care the person would need.
After talking to her and hearing about the grandfather I had to promote and encourage they use an agency. For me personally, I can't quit an agency for private person who is gonna die. Also, I can't take the risks of taking care of him. I need my company to have my back.
I think private could be a way to go if you just need a few hours here and there but not for around the clock care.. .. I would go agency all the way. I felt bad because I want to help them but the risks are too high for me.
The sad part about it all and I hope my company never reads this that not everyone can afford to go with an agency. I have had clients tell me "you don't come cheap" lol and it's true. They pay a pretty penny to have caregivers that work for an agency compared to private. I suppose it's one of those things you get what you pay for type of things.
To tell the truth.. I don't want to work anymore than I do. I am happy with the amount of hours I work. I would be cheating myself and my family if I took an another client on my days off.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
cooking
I wrote about being upset and feeling like I am taking advantage of my husband with me going to the Y so often. It looks like I might make five days this week cause my Dad wants a tour and come in on my free pass and with his level of physical abilities the most workout I am going to get it is walking around showing him. However, I would rather take him on a day that I don't work out compared to using my Saturday morning to take him. My son has a couple more weeks of free tutoring and I want to just do my thing.
Jenn suggested prepping a meal ahead of time or cooking and freezing. Meat loaf comes to mind as something that I would want to try to make two batches of and freeze one of the loafs. What is the best way to freeze it so it doesn't get freezer burn? I have freezer bags but should I wrap it in plastic to double the protection? And do I leave it in the pan or not?
Anyone have any easy crock pot recipes? Something without too many ingredients?
My client complimented me on my weight loss and my husband said my son is looking better. So, I want to make my routine work as much as I can.
Jenn suggested prepping a meal ahead of time or cooking and freezing. Meat loaf comes to mind as something that I would want to try to make two batches of and freeze one of the loafs. What is the best way to freeze it so it doesn't get freezer burn? I have freezer bags but should I wrap it in plastic to double the protection? And do I leave it in the pan or not?
Anyone have any easy crock pot recipes? Something without too many ingredients?
My client complimented me on my weight loss and my husband said my son is looking better. So, I want to make my routine work as much as I can.
I have been pretty grouchy lately. I just feel like my 17 year old speaks another language. I am slowly reading the book called Love and Logic that a blogger sent me. I hope it really helps and I know how to use what I read. If anything maybe we will have an easier time with the child who is almost a teen. I think I feel stretched too far. I work full time and I aim to be at the Y 3 to 4 times a week. The last two weeks, I have been Monday thru Wednesday. All this week, I took Stephen with me too. I feel like if I work out and let my child who overweight sit home and watch tv then I am being a bad Mom.
I feel like I am putting too much on my husband to cook almost all the meals. I worked my 5.25 hour shift and ran to get bunny food and cat food and I wanted to spend the 45 minutes before I had to leave to at least prep dinner for my husband but all the pots and pans were dirty. My husband supports my desires to go to the Y and doesn't complain but I still feel bad.
Well, I better get off here and get ready for work. I have two shifts so I spend more than 12 hours out of the house. So glad, I only do this once a week now. It used to be two.
I feel like I am putting too much on my husband to cook almost all the meals. I worked my 5.25 hour shift and ran to get bunny food and cat food and I wanted to spend the 45 minutes before I had to leave to at least prep dinner for my husband but all the pots and pans were dirty. My husband supports my desires to go to the Y and doesn't complain but I still feel bad.
Well, I better get off here and get ready for work. I have two shifts so I spend more than 12 hours out of the house. So glad, I only do this once a week now. It used to be two.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
kind of a rant
When my children's father dropped off the children this last weekend he told me about a trip in August that his church was planning and was wondering if I had any info on Stephen's summer school schedule. I said I didn't know anything yet. He then went on to say that maybe a note could be written for our son to miss school. I said that wouldn't be possible, if he had summer school, because they only allow kids to miss two days and then they kick them out. There are too many children that need summer school and not all can go. So, if your child gets chosen then they don't play games.
I then went on to ask his wife, who drives and also my ex drives for the school system that I didn't think school would be in session during that week. She looked at some paperwork and agreed that it would be finished by then.
The moral of this story is that because my children's father thinks it's fit to miss school for an event is the reason why Alex is sitting with a GED and why Alex isn't starting his Senior year in high school. If parents don't take school serious then the children won't either.
Stephen is sitting on a record of perfect attendance and the school year is almost up. On the 30th, I have to take him for another assessment and it's going to take up to two hours plus the drive time. The Mom that wants to baby my son wants to treat him to the movies because it's very close to the place where we will be going. However, the Mom who wants my son to do well says now now this isn't right. I should feed him something to eat and take him to the school for the rest of the day because why? School is important.
Don't get me wrong. I don't put all the blame on my ex husband. My son gets some of the blame and honestly I feel responsible too because had my first husband and I not divorced I would have never not had custody of my son and wouldn't have felt like I didn't have much of a say so. I couldn't at any time just walk into my ex husband's place and force my son out of bed.
I firmly believe that had Alex not moved in when he did that he wouldn't have earned the GED. He has an official graduation coming up in June and even though it's not what it could be it's a reason to celebrate.
I then went on to ask his wife, who drives and also my ex drives for the school system that I didn't think school would be in session during that week. She looked at some paperwork and agreed that it would be finished by then.
The moral of this story is that because my children's father thinks it's fit to miss school for an event is the reason why Alex is sitting with a GED and why Alex isn't starting his Senior year in high school. If parents don't take school serious then the children won't either.
Stephen is sitting on a record of perfect attendance and the school year is almost up. On the 30th, I have to take him for another assessment and it's going to take up to two hours plus the drive time. The Mom that wants to baby my son wants to treat him to the movies because it's very close to the place where we will be going. However, the Mom who wants my son to do well says now now this isn't right. I should feed him something to eat and take him to the school for the rest of the day because why? School is important.
Don't get me wrong. I don't put all the blame on my ex husband. My son gets some of the blame and honestly I feel responsible too because had my first husband and I not divorced I would have never not had custody of my son and wouldn't have felt like I didn't have much of a say so. I couldn't at any time just walk into my ex husband's place and force my son out of bed.
I firmly believe that had Alex not moved in when he did that he wouldn't have earned the GED. He has an official graduation coming up in June and even though it's not what it could be it's a reason to celebrate.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Picture on the wall
For those that are new to reading my blog I found my daughter on FB because I always knew her name. I named her and asked if they would keep her name because besides life it was the one thing that I could give her. She honored my wish and I will always be grateful to them for doing that.
I never realized that it would enable me years later to find her on a social network. Of course, I didn't know something like FB would there.
We talked thru facebook for quite sometime and text messages and about after a year of doing that she was ready to meet. It was the best feeling in the world to finally see her. It's so ironic that she looks so much like me. Once, when we were out to dinner at her boyfriends place of employment employers that know her thoght we were sisters.
My grand daughter calls her "nana" So basically she thinks Izzy is me.
My daughter has moved away and we have still talk but a lot of it is still facebook. She posted pictures of their newly painted room and I looked closely at a picture on the wall.
It was a picture of Izzy, myself and my two sons. It felt so amazing to see the proof that she loves us enough to put the picture up. It's a picture of us the last day I seen her when she brought her fish to me because she was moving away.
My husband and I were talking and he joked about if Izzy ever gets mad enough at her boyfriend or parents she could live with us. Now, I hope she doesn't have problems in life but to me it was the fact that he accepts her as my child and our house would be open to her.
I wrote Izzy and told her how I noticed the picture and thought it was of us and she wrote back that it was. I told her that she made my day.
I never realized that it would enable me years later to find her on a social network. Of course, I didn't know something like FB would there.
We talked thru facebook for quite sometime and text messages and about after a year of doing that she was ready to meet. It was the best feeling in the world to finally see her. It's so ironic that she looks so much like me. Once, when we were out to dinner at her boyfriends place of employment employers that know her thoght we were sisters.
My grand daughter calls her "nana" So basically she thinks Izzy is me.
My daughter has moved away and we have still talk but a lot of it is still facebook. She posted pictures of their newly painted room and I looked closely at a picture on the wall.
It was a picture of Izzy, myself and my two sons. It felt so amazing to see the proof that she loves us enough to put the picture up. It's a picture of us the last day I seen her when she brought her fish to me because she was moving away.
My husband and I were talking and he joked about if Izzy ever gets mad enough at her boyfriend or parents she could live with us. Now, I hope she doesn't have problems in life but to me it was the fact that he accepts her as my child and our house would be open to her.
I wrote Izzy and told her how I noticed the picture and thought it was of us and she wrote back that it was. I told her that she made my day.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Job searching
I told Alex a couple days ahead of time that on Friday I would take him job hunting so to think of where he would like to go.
We woke him up about 9 am and got him rolling. Trust me, he wasn't happy. We were talking and he didn't want any part of it. I really do get it thought cause the poor boy had just gotten out of bed.
We went to a little shopping center closest to us and we checked on some places he has applied at and looked into places that I thought might be a place to try. He is having some issues with some jobs only hiring 18 and older.
We went to the next shopping center and checked out some more places that he could apply. Since my son doesn't drive and will be walking or taking the bus.. I think it's best if our search starts close by.
Most jobs they say apply online which is new to me. I have never gotten a job that way. I think a big part of getting a job is making an appearance and I remember being taught that when you show your face and they look up your ap that it brings it to the top. I guess this can't work that way with online. He did get on ap for a pizza joint that said they are always hiring. Not the one that fired my husband lol
We went to the library and he updated a couple of his aps and applied for a couple of the jobs in the shopping center. I suggested he get a notebook and keep notes for his job search. Such as dates he has applied and any other information such as log on information. I think that could be very useful.
I took him to lunch so hopefully the next time I say I plan on taking him out he has more of a plan. I think it's easy to forget that teens never had a job so don't know how to search and how to talk to people. I was telling him tell them I see your hiring.. what kind of hours are you looking for? At this certain place he had to be 18 but I figure it's good practice either way.
We have also talked to him about college and we could apply to see what grants and what not that we may qualify for him to go to school. I told him we have to act fast to get him into fall classes. I am willing to guide him but I can't make him want to go.
One of the things my husband is telling me and I agree is that he doesn't want a room mate. Meaning someone that is running around and comes in mainly to eat and one that doesn't pay rent.
My husband went to my youngest sons school and the police are having a police camp thing. I can't remember what they call it but my son is being told that he has to go to it if he doesn't have a job. Basically, it's in June and it's about 7 hours a day Monday thru Friday and they get dinner. Alex has been told if he has a job then he wouldn't have to go.
We woke him up about 9 am and got him rolling. Trust me, he wasn't happy. We were talking and he didn't want any part of it. I really do get it thought cause the poor boy had just gotten out of bed.
We went to a little shopping center closest to us and we checked on some places he has applied at and looked into places that I thought might be a place to try. He is having some issues with some jobs only hiring 18 and older.
We went to the next shopping center and checked out some more places that he could apply. Since my son doesn't drive and will be walking or taking the bus.. I think it's best if our search starts close by.
Most jobs they say apply online which is new to me. I have never gotten a job that way. I think a big part of getting a job is making an appearance and I remember being taught that when you show your face and they look up your ap that it brings it to the top. I guess this can't work that way with online. He did get on ap for a pizza joint that said they are always hiring. Not the one that fired my husband lol
We went to the library and he updated a couple of his aps and applied for a couple of the jobs in the shopping center. I suggested he get a notebook and keep notes for his job search. Such as dates he has applied and any other information such as log on information. I think that could be very useful.
I took him to lunch so hopefully the next time I say I plan on taking him out he has more of a plan. I think it's easy to forget that teens never had a job so don't know how to search and how to talk to people. I was telling him tell them I see your hiring.. what kind of hours are you looking for? At this certain place he had to be 18 but I figure it's good practice either way.
We have also talked to him about college and we could apply to see what grants and what not that we may qualify for him to go to school. I told him we have to act fast to get him into fall classes. I am willing to guide him but I can't make him want to go.
One of the things my husband is telling me and I agree is that he doesn't want a room mate. Meaning someone that is running around and comes in mainly to eat and one that doesn't pay rent.
My husband went to my youngest sons school and the police are having a police camp thing. I can't remember what they call it but my son is being told that he has to go to it if he doesn't have a job. Basically, it's in June and it's about 7 hours a day Monday thru Friday and they get dinner. Alex has been told if he has a job then he wouldn't have to go.
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