It looks like we maybe close to Alex's breaking point where hopefully he will really try to find a job. I think he is seeing an advantage to school. Social life.

The kid is BORED!! You can tell that he just doesn't know what to do. He is frustrated with friends and can't seem to find enough to keep himself busy.

Yesterday, I came home to a nice surprise. My two sons had layed tile in the storage room and moved Alex's bed in there. He had been talking about doing that for a while but hadn't done it yet. Now, my son has his own bedroom, a living room space and a 70's bar. lol

I was really impressed with what they had done while I was at work.

My husband joked that his rent just went up when he turns 18.

memories

A big part of my adoption story started when I went into labor at school. Well, when I went to school in labor. Guess, I was committed to going to school. :)
When I had to seek medical help from the nurse and told them that the baby was going to be put up for adoption. I think I told them that. My memories are so fuzzy.

There was this cris counslor that got involved with me and my family due to going into labor at school. I would hate to think of how I would carried on with 9th grade without the support from the school system froma few different people.

The top people that come to mind were the teacher that home schooled me. I reconnected with her probably about a year and half ago on facebook.

There was a truency officer that played somewhat a role in me actually attending school and made me quit playing games with the school. I always looked up to him for being so strict.

The crisis counslor who helped me quite a bit. He would call me down to the office every so often to check on me. When I would walk from class to class.. he was always standing there watching the students with a smile on his face.

I felt like with him I had someone in my corner watching out for me. When he found out that my Mom didn't get me any counseling after my daughter was placed for adoption he arranged for a lady to come out from an adoption agency to talk to me. She would rotate the times so I wouldn't miss too many of one class. I really don't remember how often she came out.

The counslor said he saw an improvement in me after the counseling. I don't know if it was true or not or just something he wanted to see. I continued to see the counslor after 9th grade ended. She would pick me up and we would go to a fast food place and I never was at ease with it. There just wasn't any privacy. Counseling about anything is a private matter and it didn't belong in a fast food place. So, enventually, I ended my services with her.

It's kind of ironic though that after either my daughter's 16th birthday that I called the same agency up looking for help because I hit rock bottom and couldn't cope on my own anymore.

The reason I am writing all this is that a while back I sent the crisis counslor an facebook friend request and didn't hear anything back. I did see that he was friends with the home school teacher and I sent her a request and she has been my son's adovocate for school.

Well, anyways, yesterday, I recieved notice from fb that he accepted my friend request and it's stired up a little bit of memories of 9th grade. He told me not to tell everyone that I had a baby. Basically they didn't need to know. Looking back, I wish he added more to it then they didn't need to know. It was the beginning of keeping a secret and deneying my daughter's exsistence. I don't blame him because I know that the kids would have treated me badly if they had the whole truth. Hell, they did even with me telling them "no, I didn't have a baby" No one believed me. I guess I looked the 9 months pregnant.

I remembered that he turned 50 when I was in school and I looked at a couple of his photos and he doesn't look older to me. It looks like time as been good to him. I always wanted to thank him for his help way back then and I actually did send cards to the school but never knew for sure if he had gotten them or not.

I used to day dream about seeing him again and telling him how much he helped. It never occured to me that I would ever get to say Thank You and tell him and tell him about meeting my daughter. I don't know if I will write him or not. It took him a year and half to accept the friend request and I think if I wrote him I would be on pins and needles waiting for his reply. Also, I sort of feel like in order to say thank you.. I need to sugar coat everything and all that. Who wants a thank you letter and life really sucked for a long time letter.

Brothers

My oldest son isn't working and while he is home I sort of want to make him do things for his little brother. I don't mean to put him to taking care of him like I took care of my brother and sister. I wouldn't do that to him. His Dad made him take care of him years ago when I was working and my youngest was still in diapers. I know he resented that and I don't blame him.

Honestly, I want Alex to start moving into a grown up role with his brother. Today, they were suppose to take the bus and go swimming at the local pool but none of us thought about it being the 4TH of July. I felt so bad for my kids and it actually happened that I could come home and take them to the pool on my lunch break. It wasn't the same thing as them taking a trip on their own but they still were at the pool for a few hours without me and big brother had money that I had given him and was being "in charge" of it and not letting little brother spend up all the money in the first hour. We are seeing changes in Alex that are sort of new. Not that he is totally responsible and doesn't screw up but we been hearing him lecture his little brother about getting ready for things on his own as in getting his stuff ready for the pool or not blowing money.

Tomorrow, I am going to the zoo with my little sister and I can only take Stephen. There just isn't room in my sister's car and I can't afford to drive my own car. She asked me with only a couple days notice and I wasn't going to be able to go and she even suggested that I call in sick. I thought about it for a moment or two but thought it was just too risky.

I actually just talked to my job and was honest with them and asked if they would try to cover my two shifts for the day. I put it as in I would like to go but it's okay if I couldn't go. I think it helped that one of my clients had a major cool week and I dropped pictures off showing them the excitment. I suppose the office doesn't get always get to see the personal side of being a caregiver. Ya know, the memories and good times that we help create.

I felt pretty bad about big brother not being able to go but I feel lately that he goes off and is spending time with friends that it's sort of fair that he could not be included too. I still felt bad but he said it was okay but I told him I would make it up to him with a movie or something in a week or so.

Back to my point of this post. I don't know how much longer Alex will live with us. He could move in November or stay longer. I don't want to put too much on Alex but I want my sons to get the most out of their time as brothers living under the same roof. They lost about three years together and there were times that I felt like big brother should be looking after little brother. For example.. at the beginning of the school year.. a seventh grader who is one grade higher than Stephen hit him. Not that I think big brother, who was few years older, than the bully should beat him up but just the presence of him might have made a better impression than Mom. I want my boys to have what my sister and I had. They pick on each other but better not let anyone else mess with their brother.

I put big brother up to hanging out with little brother at the Y and I sneaked up on the two and caught him making little brother run on the treadmill. So, he is calling himself Stephen's fitness coach.

My husband and I were discussing how people are starting to view Alex as grown and that's probably why my sister to think to invite him plus not enough room in the car. We don't quite know how to manage with having a 12 year old and an umemployed 17 year old. Do we include both kids in on something fun? For exmample.. on a school day out for whatever reason.. once or twice a year.. I like to take Stephen to the movies.. Do I include Alex? The movies is sort of like a reward/break for all the hard work? Is it fair for Alex to get the same treatment when he isn't going to school?

The good news is that Alex is beginning to show interest in checking out the community college. He wants to be a counslor for teens. Well, I will end this on a good note.

ex bashing/ birthparent bashing

The above message was part of something someone posted on fb that a judge told a couple that was divorcing. It's a good reminder for me to bite my tongue when at times my ex makes it so easy to make fun of him or talk poorly of his decisions. I personally have a hard time drawing the line talking about my ex choices when it comes to my almost adult son. Their were certain things that may have looked like a way of life but I want my son to know it doesn't have to be that way. We do always try to tell him that his Dad did the best he could and all that good stuff.

I saved this portion of the facebook message and to share it on here because I think it also plays a big role in adoption and how adoptive parents talk about the birthparents of the children they adopt. It could be the said word about them or the not said word as in we don't talk about those people or adoption.

At times I feel guility for talking to Izzy and what at times may seem like advice and I will blog more about something I said yesterday that could have been taken as butting in too much. Nothing really bad though.

The truth is that my daughter carries half of my genes and half of her birthfather's. Yes, she was raised by her adoptive parents but she is part of our family and at times I may offer stuff that could pertain to her because she is part of us too.

I just found out that Izzy's parents were only married for about two years when they adopted Izzy. I remember being told that they were trying to have children for years but never could. Not that I had choices known to me or options but years I would have thought that it had been longer than two years.


They did go on to have a child the old fashioned way and kind of ironic her brother that she grew up with is about the same age as my oldest son.

I wonder how many people adopt because they are just impatient and don't give it enough time. No offence to anyone who suffers from inferilty. I wonder if they ever tried to have more children after him?

Well, anyways, I was surprised that they haven't been married longer. However, very happy that she experienced life with parents that hasnt divorced.

This picture was taken when I was working. I really just thought it was such a good picture of me. It was with my client, a city official and someone from the nursing home. I love how my job continues to expose me to wonderful events and this was an exciting week for my client.

Of course, I didn't put the whole picture up due to the laws that protect privacy and all. I sort of need my job.

Scrapbooking

Within the last couple days, I printed up some pictures for Izzy's scrapbook. I usually only print a few at a time to keep the cost down. Today, I did what I said I would and went scrapbook shopping. I spent just a little over ten and excited about working on her book.

My husband cleaned off the kitchen table and my cat and I worked on three pages. I got two pages about my work done and got started on a page about my YMCA. I said my cat helped me cause she insisted on laying on the table in the middle of my stuff.

If anyone is thinking of starting a scrapbook... just a few suggestions. The scrapbooks come in albums of 8 by 8, 8 by 11 (which is what I have) and 12 by 12

I have found some advantages and disadvantages to my size. The disadvantage is that it just seems like the pages that you can buy for the album in that size is plain. Compared to a couple years ago, there is less to choose from. Not because I have used everything up but because they aren't carrying much for that size. The advantage is that it's the only size book that I have noticed came in a huge 3 ring binder. It almost feels like the pages that I can fill is unlimited. I notice in the other sizes it appears like their is a limit. I believe you can buy extentions to make the album take more pages but I am not sure.

The 12 by 12 pages seems like it would be hard to get creative enough to fill out the page but it gives so much more room for pictures and notes of information. I have used a couple 12 by 12 sheets and just cut them down to use them for my book.

Well, that's about all the advice I have for scrapbooking besides just go for it. It's so much fun.