Happy Easter

Happy Easter to your family from mine. I had a nice quiet day with my husband and grand daughter. The Easter bunny brought 3 baskets for the children plus Grandma bought my grand daughter a couple outfits.
The boys came home from their Dad's and we colored eggs and my husband hid the eggs so the kids could go hunt them. Does anyone else have a 12 and 17 year old hunting for eggs?
I made a really nice pasta recipe that I came across on my smart phone when I was trying to come up with a grocery list for something to make my client next week. I decided to try it out on my family before I cook it for her. I know for sure to cut it in half because it fed my family of four and we still have half of it left.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday. We skyped with my sister and my 3 nieces. It's not as good as in person but when there is miles and miles keeping us apart I guess it's better than nothing.

I made a call to the cell phone company to make sure my bill would only go up the 20 dollars to find out that I was mislead and its going up 50 a month. I can't go this route. It's too much plus the phone isn't getting a signal in my sons room in the basement. We will be either btunring my old phone back on and its free incoming calls without texts or go with a prepaid phone. My son is acting pretty grown up about it but he did ask if the phon could be made to text and not talk to save money. Good try. Haha

I decided to order my son a cell phone. I recently got a smart phone myself so I am with a different company compared to my husband. He wasn't happy that I went with my company instead of his company if I was going to get him a phone which he didn't think he has earned. Honestly, I was just losing my mind wondering where my son was. I don't know if it was all normal fears or adoption stuff causing me to freak out when I didn't know where my son was.

The reason why he wanted me to go with his company because it wouldn't mean being on contract but we would be adding my son on a family plan of minutes and I can't afford to get screwed over with a high bill. I just got my phone a couple months ago so to me a couple months added on to a contract just wasn't a big deal. I also went what I thought was the best deal. The new phone has unlimited talk and text for an extra 20 a month. It's just a basic phone and it won't do anything too fancy.

The phone just came in today and I do have to sit down and talk to my son about him needing to have a job by June to pay for it. I am also thinking about saying something to the point that his brother can use the phone to text or talk to friends and family.

My plan is to have my son mow the yard every week and to give him the job of getting our dogs fur trimmed. He did that a while back and did pretty good. These will be on top of his normal chores so I am hoping that it makes my husband less mad.

I wanted to take a moment to tell my readers thanks for sticking with me even though it's not a lot of adoption related stuff going on. Honestly, I don't feel like I have much to say on adoption. It's not that I don't care or have thoughts but a huge part of my story has came full circle. I know my daughter now and that has helped me a ton.

I do think adoption loss might be part of the reason I was getting frustrated with the MELD Mom's screwing up. I can't wrap my head around the fact that basically I was fired or suggested that I don't volunteer anymore. I will write more about it later.

I just don't want to stop blogging so I will just keep doing what I am doing.

email follow up

I got an email from the man that runs the groups and gets the volunteers. My email wasn't very well received. He took my request for saying I only wanted to come biweekly due to working full time to I will take your name off the volunteer list.

He took my suggestions and said they were appreciated but still basically told me to bug off. I am pretty upset. I been volunteering for them for two years and I have seen a lot of good Mom's drop their children off and I have seen Mom's drop their children off without bottles, formula and bottles. I offered money up to help get them do a contest of some sort for bringing the children with the supplies.

He said employment is more important and he appreciates my volunteering. He doesn't realize that I am off Monday nights for MELD. I have turned down hours/income to honor my agreement to provide childcare for them. I feel like I am being shoved away because I am sort of pointing out that there way isn't working. I also feel like I am being pushed aside because I am not being quiet when babies are left in a wet diaper or cry cause they are hungry and there is no bottle for them.

I am going to sit on this for a day or two before I write him back because I don't want to write when I am mad. But I will probably write him and let him know what I think of all of this.

I am kind of thinking that maybe at this point it is best that I call it quits with MELD. I might still donate clothes here and there but it might be the extent of it.

I really like the idea behind MELD but I think they are getting too caught up in the "feel good actions" and treating the Mom's group as more as a social meeting place to come get dinner and a break from their children.

The driver who they make stay in the daycare as been nice for the most part but is lazy. He says almost on most Monday's that he doesn't "feel good" and shouldn't get too close to the kids. He has been told to help out when our hands are full. He has told me that he wanted black volunteers because maybe the children are not around white people.

Ok I am done ranting for now.

volunteer

I started back up with ME@LD last Monday again and never was clear if I would come weekly or biweekly so I felt like I had to go in today. There were two other volunteers compared to just one other volunteer this week.

Before going tonight, I wrote the man that deals with the volunteer groups and asked how they were standing with volunteers and said I would like to be biweekly and told him how I still had concerns over Mom's not coming in prepared for dropping their children off. I suggested a contest that the lady that runs the Mom groups that if they come prepared with everything their baby needs that they get entered in a drawing and how I could help chip in.


I also suggested that the Mom's rotate staying in the daycare to experience how it is in the daycare. I gave my reasons and we will see what he says.


Last week, one little boy stayed in a wet diaper because Mom didn't bring a bag. This week, I asked Mom, did she have a diaper bag and she said, yes, I will bring it back to you. Mom never brought it back and the boy spent the whole in a diaper that was wet. This boy was bigger than the other babies so borrowing a diaper isn't an option. For every baby that has a diaper bag and I am taking care of that baby or two they get their diaper changed even if it's only slightly wet.

I admitted to the driver and the other volunteers when babies are going wet or hungry because Mom's or Dad's don't do what they are suppose to do then I just don't feel like being here anymore. It's my honest truth.

My husband is upset that they don't do more to show that they appreciate the volunteers by having them a soda or something just to say thanks. Honestly, he has it all wrong. I am working 36 hours for my elderly job. I babysit for the church. (paid job) I am trying to be a good Mom and wife and I want to get my workouts in and work on my son getting some too. I am just tired. If the Mom's and Dad's can't do their part then why should I. If ME@LD hasn't taught them to bring a diaper and a bottle then maybe they are not hitting the mark. I been mentioning Dad's in this post because they have changed the Dad's group to my night.

I love the children. I really do. I try hard to learn their names and considering that most the children are of a different race and have names that are hard for me to say or spell that it's not easy for me. However, once I get the name down I don't forget it. They could not come for weeks and I will remember it.

Some reason, even though, I want to pull away. I just can't stop volunteering for them. I don't know if it's the baby fix or the baby girl fix or I want to be part of keeping young parents with their babies.

I been workout out twice to three times weekly at the Y. I take about one walk a week and been trying to use my weight machines about once a week. I am thinking of trying to do more than just elliptical, treadmill, video bike, swimming at the Y. Don't worry, I don't normally do them all. It's normal for me to do at least two of the cardio machines and sometimes I swim.

I am thinking about trying a low impact aerobics class, zumba and a water class. I am a little afraid of Zumba. I don't want to hurt myself. I used to do aerobics class and a step class years ago. I lost my Y membership when my first husband left me.

Today, I haven't workout at all. I wonder if anyone else gets the way I feel. I feel like it's almost just driving me crazy not to do anything at all. Like it hurts to just do nothing.

Tomorrow, I am going out with my friend to the mall and I am sure we will get some walking around in there but also having lunch. I am trying to figure out how I will get a workout in and also volunteer for MELD. I agreed to come back to MELD for the next session but I never really said weekly or biweekly. There was only one volunteer besides me so I don't know if they don't have enough help this time around again.

I also fear running all day and getting burned out. I am down 15 lbs but don't quite remember when I started using myfitnesspal on my phone. I don't know why I feel so tense without the exercise. I don't want to ignore my family for the sake of getting a workout in everyday plus working. The best thing that I can come up with is that it helps with my stress level.