I believed I found my old childhood friend on facebook. I knew her from grade school until the tenth grade is where we lost contact when he Mom and her moved away. I often have wondered what happened to her and once in a while I do a facebook search to see if I can find her.
I told my husband how I think I found my friend and he said that's the problem with facebook that people just just leave things alone. How do you feel about facebook and people finding people from years ago? I think it's kind of cool but I know the reality of it is that our friendship was in the past and most likely nothing will really come out of it. Yet, I sent the friend request and sent her a message asking if she was from my town.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My husband
I don't give him enough credit for how great of a husband and Dad he is to me and my kids. We married quickly and things went sour with us pretty fast. He had to deal with my sadness from adoption loss and I had to deal with the fact that he was an alcoholic. We had many fights over my daughter. The adoption counselor once said Izzy was like a ghost in our house. There was so much sadness over it that it was controlling my life.
I didn't feel like he was supportive of just being there for me when I was sad. He would say and do things to imply that if Izzy knocked on our door that he would send her packing. That would have been my worst nightmare come true. It wasn't that I expected her to walk up on my door but the idea of the person who is suppose to love me most in this world would send my child away when he knew I cried tears because I didn't know her.
My husband has been sober about two and half years now and slowly our relationship has grown into a loving one again. We had so much distrust and honestly at time feelings of hate that for sure we were heading for splitting up. But he wouldn't move and I wasn't willing to walk away from my house so we stayed together.
WARNING: If you know me in real life this maybe too personal or more than you want to know about myself and my husband so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I remember him giving me a hard time about me working on the scrapbook. I can't recall what he said other than it was stupid. He no longer says it's stupid and knows that it's one of my most prized items I own. He has bragged about it when I have bought family members a scrapbook and tells me to get it out so they can get ideas. He has told my sons to guard it with their life when they looked thru it. He gets how important it is to me. When I brought it out of the house to show Izzy he wrapped it in a bag to protect it. He will give me things or items that he thinks might be cool for my scrapbook. It means a lot that he gets how important it is to me.
He used to give me a hard time about blogging. I don't recall what he would say but it wasn't good. He thought it made things worse. He would say that my fellow bloggers were babies and that for every angry or sad birthmom there were happy ones that are okay with things. He wanted to me to find blogs that people wrote that didn't have sadness from adoption and see what they do right. He was sure of himself that since his ex wife had a baby and placed him for adoption and had peace with it that sure there were others like her that got it right.
He has really changed a lot. He likes that I blog. He asked to put ads on all of my blogs and brags that this one is the only one that is making money. It's not making much but people have clicked on the ads. He thinks I am a great writer because I have so many followers. I don't think he fully understands that a lot of bloggers have huge amounts of followers. He jokes about me needing to hire him to take care of my blog while I write.
I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had he not had that seizure that scary day at work and he has been sober since. I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had I not found Izzy and got to meet her and get to know her before she moved away for school. I can only hope that we still would have made it work.
Living with my husband even after he got sober has been a learning experience for me. We had get used to the fact that he was a different person. It was hard for me to know when I could trust him. I am happy to report that my husband got to meet my daughter before she moved away.
He has had to adjust to living life free of drinking. Life is different and sometimes in an ex drunk's life I am sure the sober life can seem boring. He lost all desires to be intimate with me and he also had to say anyone else cause at times I felt like it must have been me and there was someone else. I felt like it was something I done or he just wasn't turned on by me anymore.
A few months ago, I was brutally honest with my husband and told him that I had thoughts of cheating because while I loved him.. I didn't want to never be touched again. I told him I quickly shoved the thought away cause I don't want to live that kind of life. It's something that maybe has helped our sex life. I think it pushed him to be open to bringing the intimacy back into our life and it's in my opinion that while he was going thru the motions that he has started to desire it himself. It feels good to be desired again. To be told to get over being sick cause it's been too long for him. This is coming from a man that could go a month or so without it telling me being sick for a week is too long cause I was not giving him enough attention.
I didn't feel like he was supportive of just being there for me when I was sad. He would say and do things to imply that if Izzy knocked on our door that he would send her packing. That would have been my worst nightmare come true. It wasn't that I expected her to walk up on my door but the idea of the person who is suppose to love me most in this world would send my child away when he knew I cried tears because I didn't know her.
My husband has been sober about two and half years now and slowly our relationship has grown into a loving one again. We had so much distrust and honestly at time feelings of hate that for sure we were heading for splitting up. But he wouldn't move and I wasn't willing to walk away from my house so we stayed together.
WARNING: If you know me in real life this maybe too personal or more than you want to know about myself and my husband so READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
I remember him giving me a hard time about me working on the scrapbook. I can't recall what he said other than it was stupid. He no longer says it's stupid and knows that it's one of my most prized items I own. He has bragged about it when I have bought family members a scrapbook and tells me to get it out so they can get ideas. He has told my sons to guard it with their life when they looked thru it. He gets how important it is to me. When I brought it out of the house to show Izzy he wrapped it in a bag to protect it. He will give me things or items that he thinks might be cool for my scrapbook. It means a lot that he gets how important it is to me.
He used to give me a hard time about blogging. I don't recall what he would say but it wasn't good. He thought it made things worse. He would say that my fellow bloggers were babies and that for every angry or sad birthmom there were happy ones that are okay with things. He wanted to me to find blogs that people wrote that didn't have sadness from adoption and see what they do right. He was sure of himself that since his ex wife had a baby and placed him for adoption and had peace with it that sure there were others like her that got it right.
He has really changed a lot. He likes that I blog. He asked to put ads on all of my blogs and brags that this one is the only one that is making money. It's not making much but people have clicked on the ads. He thinks I am a great writer because I have so many followers. I don't think he fully understands that a lot of bloggers have huge amounts of followers. He jokes about me needing to hire him to take care of my blog while I write.
I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had he not had that seizure that scary day at work and he has been sober since. I don't know what would have happened to our marriage had I not found Izzy and got to meet her and get to know her before she moved away for school. I can only hope that we still would have made it work.
Living with my husband even after he got sober has been a learning experience for me. We had get used to the fact that he was a different person. It was hard for me to know when I could trust him. I am happy to report that my husband got to meet my daughter before she moved away.
He has had to adjust to living life free of drinking. Life is different and sometimes in an ex drunk's life I am sure the sober life can seem boring. He lost all desires to be intimate with me and he also had to say anyone else cause at times I felt like it must have been me and there was someone else. I felt like it was something I done or he just wasn't turned on by me anymore.
A few months ago, I was brutally honest with my husband and told him that I had thoughts of cheating because while I loved him.. I didn't want to never be touched again. I told him I quickly shoved the thought away cause I don't want to live that kind of life. It's something that maybe has helped our sex life. I think it pushed him to be open to bringing the intimacy back into our life and it's in my opinion that while he was going thru the motions that he has started to desire it himself. It feels good to be desired again. To be told to get over being sick cause it's been too long for him. This is coming from a man that could go a month or so without it telling me being sick for a week is too long cause I was not giving him enough attention.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
I just wanted to blog real quick about my oldest son. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea that we don't waant him with us. My sons are getting along a lot better compared to when they lived apart. It's just a lot of adjustmant for all of us. We believe our problems with our older son is that his dad hasn't taught him life skills. We asked him to cook a frozen pizza and he didn't know how to do it. Today,he is going to go check at the status of his app at mcdonalds. I hope he can get to work soon. I think it will be really good for him.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
My oldest son has been living with me again for over a month. I am feeling stress from it. I feel that things are running as smoothly when it comes to having enough money for groceries and bills now that we have him with us. I took him to the dentist today and he has six cavities. This is something that I don't believe would be the case had he been living with me and getting to the dentist on a regular basis. My youngest son hasn't had a cavity in over a year and half.
Now, my son has to get two root canals and some fillings and possible one tooth pulled out. I feel stressed because there are already times I miss work to make a doctor's appointment for my little guy and can't afford to do it too often. My current husband is upset that Dad and the new wife get to "party" while we do everything and foot most of the cost.
I know if my son had never moved that taking care of both of them would come natural but he hasn't been with us and hasn't been raised with our way of life. I so badly want my son to get a part time job. I so badly want him to pick up after himself and help out around the house with trash ect.
I keep struggling with do I go to court and make it final? Or do I keep letting see how things are going as in Dad supporting his two children? If I make it legal... I believe there is a good chance that as long as my son is still in school that he would have to help support him past the age of 18 and this could be important since my son doesn't seem to be working at getting a job. I really don't expect that my son turn 18 and move out right away. I can see where he could use more help learning how to cook and take care of himself but if his whole day consists of a few hours of school, movies and games then I am going to have trouble in my marriage when the Mom in me doesn't have the heart to kick him out.
Well, I just wanted to vent.
Now, my son has to get two root canals and some fillings and possible one tooth pulled out. I feel stressed because there are already times I miss work to make a doctor's appointment for my little guy and can't afford to do it too often. My current husband is upset that Dad and the new wife get to "party" while we do everything and foot most of the cost.
I know if my son had never moved that taking care of both of them would come natural but he hasn't been with us and hasn't been raised with our way of life. I so badly want my son to get a part time job. I so badly want him to pick up after himself and help out around the house with trash ect.
I keep struggling with do I go to court and make it final? Or do I keep letting see how things are going as in Dad supporting his two children? If I make it legal... I believe there is a good chance that as long as my son is still in school that he would have to help support him past the age of 18 and this could be important since my son doesn't seem to be working at getting a job. I really don't expect that my son turn 18 and move out right away. I can see where he could use more help learning how to cook and take care of himself but if his whole day consists of a few hours of school, movies and games then I am going to have trouble in my marriage when the Mom in me doesn't have the heart to kick him out.
Well, I just wanted to vent.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Back to MELD
I am very happy that MELD gave everyone a much needed break from group. I started back tonight and it was such a great night compared to the last ten week session. There was six children to four volunteers. Two of the volunteers were a Mom and daughter team. There was this new lady and also we were told that another Mom and daughter was planning on coming back but weren't there. When I say Mom and daughter team i just mean two people that are Mom and daughter volunteering together.
We had two new children. One was a baby about 4 weeks old and one was a walker but under one or over a little bit. The Mom's all come in at once so we don't always catch their ages. We didn't have any screaming babies. Well, some babies cried but were calmed by bottles, binkies or being held.
I will be there volunteering every other week. It's the best that I can do with my 40 hour a week job plus my Sunday babysitting for a Church. I am secretly hoping that by summer time I can get rid of at least a few of my hours because I just feel like it's too much for me. I have two days a week where I leave at 9 30 am and not home until 11:00 or later.
We had two new children. One was a baby about 4 weeks old and one was a walker but under one or over a little bit. The Mom's all come in at once so we don't always catch their ages. We didn't have any screaming babies. Well, some babies cried but were calmed by bottles, binkies or being held.
I will be there volunteering every other week. It's the best that I can do with my 40 hour a week job plus my Sunday babysitting for a Church. I am secretly hoping that by summer time I can get rid of at least a few of my hours because I just feel like it's too much for me. I have two days a week where I leave at 9 30 am and not home until 11:00 or later.
Friday, January 6, 2012
I haven't blogged in a while about MELD. They seemed to take a long break in between starting the next session and boy did I need the break. I will be volunteering every other monday night for babysitting. I am going to try to use the free time for a Y night with my kids.
Off the subject of MELD
My oldest son has been living with me for a month now. It's not official as we haven't been to court or anything. I want to avoid doing that but most likely I will have to use the court system to get him to pay his fair amount of child support. It's working all right so far. My husband is doing the early morning shift of making sure he gets up and out the door for school. Plus, he is home when I am working so he feels that my ex owes him money.
One of my concerns with my oldest son is that he is really lazy. It doesn't matter what it is.. he wants things done for him or he does it the easiest way possible.
I make him take the bus to school and home and what I would like to see is that he get a job. He is only is school for about five or so hours and there is plenty of time for a part time job. We need to talk to his school and see how he is doing and see if the plan is GED or go for the diploma. I would love for him to graduate with a diploma but it would be at least two more school years.
I can't guarantee that past 18 if he isn't doing more than a few hours of school and playing video games and watching movies if he will be able to continue to live with me. Some of it will have to do with just plain being able to afford to feed and cloth him. Another part of it is that for the most part he isn't doing anything around here as far as chores ect. He happens to the person with the most free time. Honestly, me personally, I am a Mom and don't think I would have the heart to kick him out but my husband might think otherwise.
It's not easy dealing with teenagers but it is easier having him here full time than just every other weekend.
Off the subject of MELD
My oldest son has been living with me for a month now. It's not official as we haven't been to court or anything. I want to avoid doing that but most likely I will have to use the court system to get him to pay his fair amount of child support. It's working all right so far. My husband is doing the early morning shift of making sure he gets up and out the door for school. Plus, he is home when I am working so he feels that my ex owes him money.
One of my concerns with my oldest son is that he is really lazy. It doesn't matter what it is.. he wants things done for him or he does it the easiest way possible.
I make him take the bus to school and home and what I would like to see is that he get a job. He is only is school for about five or so hours and there is plenty of time for a part time job. We need to talk to his school and see how he is doing and see if the plan is GED or go for the diploma. I would love for him to graduate with a diploma but it would be at least two more school years.
I can't guarantee that past 18 if he isn't doing more than a few hours of school and playing video games and watching movies if he will be able to continue to live with me. Some of it will have to do with just plain being able to afford to feed and cloth him. Another part of it is that for the most part he isn't doing anything around here as far as chores ect. He happens to the person with the most free time. Honestly, me personally, I am a Mom and don't think I would have the heart to kick him out but my husband might think otherwise.
It's not easy dealing with teenagers but it is easier having him here full time than just every other weekend.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I have been pretty quiet lately on blogging. The last couple of weeks have been really hard on me. Izzy was moving away and I made the best with what time we had left, but her leaving still left me feeling very sad. I had her inside my house for the first time ever a week ago Monday. She brought me a few fish she needed to find a home for and we visited for a little bit and took pictures.
About a week, before she moved, I gave her a Christmas basket for of girly stuff and showed her the scrapbook I have been making for her. I told her I wasn't ready to call it done but I wanted to give her the chance to look at it.
Within about six hours of her leaving, I came down sick with a head cold and I still haven't quite kicked it. It was pretty rough there for a while. Izzy said she was sick too and I honestly believe that we have the same thing.
She started their road trip on Friday and today she got the keys to their new place. Her parents went with them and are helping them get settled in. I couldn't have thought of a better and safer way to send Izzy and her Boyfriend off to far away land.
Tonight, I worked a little bit on her scrapbook because the next time I see her I want it to be ready. She asked me if I was done with it yet and I get the feeling she wanted to take it with her. I did end of leaving it up to her and told her I could just start with a second book but she said to go ahead and finish it. I am glad that I kept it because you never know if anything would come up missing with a move.
About a week, before she moved, I gave her a Christmas basket for of girly stuff and showed her the scrapbook I have been making for her. I told her I wasn't ready to call it done but I wanted to give her the chance to look at it.
Within about six hours of her leaving, I came down sick with a head cold and I still haven't quite kicked it. It was pretty rough there for a while. Izzy said she was sick too and I honestly believe that we have the same thing.
She started their road trip on Friday and today she got the keys to their new place. Her parents went with them and are helping them get settled in. I couldn't have thought of a better and safer way to send Izzy and her Boyfriend off to far away land.
Tonight, I worked a little bit on her scrapbook because the next time I see her I want it to be ready. She asked me if I was done with it yet and I get the feeling she wanted to take it with her. I did end of leaving it up to her and told her I could just start with a second book but she said to go ahead and finish it. I am glad that I kept it because you never know if anything would come up missing with a move.
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