Thursday, May 5, 2016

new adventures

I was asked to join a dart league besides the league I already signed up for. I don't know why I struggled so badly with the decision to do it or not. I used to shoot darts with my first husband and enjoyed it. I got out of darts shortly after our divorce. Darts was more his thing but I do miss the competition.

I had a hard time deciding to commit to the hand darts because it would mean for a few weeks I would be playing twice weekly. I get to thinking about the money. If I feel like I have to struggle to have the dart money then I know darts won't be fun for me. I am really excited about blow gun. I wasn't feeling the excitement of hand darts.. I did feel a little pressure to join but the longer the day went on the more I kept thinking about playing.

Time is a big issue for me. I work full time. I strive to workout 4 to 5 times a week. Sometimes, that is fitting in 45 minutes of a class before work. I do majority of the cooking because home cooked meals is important to me. I don't want to get lazy and not have time to cook.

Lastly but not least at all.. my concern is my youngest son. Now that I work full time and I don't always have someone home with him he spends some evenings on his own. He has been doing a pretty good job but I feel bad. I don't like him having to eat alone or eating frozen dinners. Some nights more than not.. I have leftovers that he can heat up. So if I play darts twice a week that is twice a week I am either away from him or bringing him with me. Then, it's not really the same as a "night out" If I have to wear my "mom" hat. I already have a lot of guilt over not always being there or having the free time or cash to do things with him.

I feel guilty about the money. I don't know why but when I spend money these days I feel bad about it. No one has ever made me feel this way. Most of the stuff I am feeling bad about isn't stuff I really need but want. Nothing really majorly expensive. I just recently bought a hand dryer for painting my finger nails.

My biggest reason for committing to this league is because I really need to get out there and be around other people. I have my couple friends but I don't know why but mostly when woman get together we go eat. It's not totally a bad thing because people got to eat. I just am looking forward to being around other adults competing.

A handful of these people is part of the old crowd from when I was shooting darts before. I think there is a part of me that is nervous stepping back into the game. I imagine some nights I will have to go by myself and fear not fitting in. I have never been one to have many friends. I don't want to sit there feeling like I am not part of the crowd.

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