Reflection

I feel like the whole wedding and reception is making my anziety creep up. Last night, my heart was racing as I was trying to get to sleep.

Today, I just felt odd. I couldn't do my typical run at 8am due to the YMCA being closed. Normally, I drop off my husband and then run about 4 miles and go in the YMCA and shower. Then, I stop at the gas station and get something for me to eat. Lately, it's been a power bar..

Since I couldn't shower running at the normal time was not an option. I babysat at church and there was the little boy about 15 months old that I have been taken care of since he was about six weeks old. He is there most Sundays unless the family goes away on vacation.

There was also this blond curly head little girl that I had never seen before. She was upset about being there so I picked her up and had both kids in my lap. She was adorable but snotty face. ewww.

After church, I needed to go grocery shopping so my lunch was a power bar. After I got home and got groceries put away my uneasiness was creeping back up. I struggled with myself to either walk the dog or run or even just stay home and do nothing.

I noticed I was quick to put food (junk) in my mouth and was worried that this situation could get bad so I decided to go for a really long run.

I went to my path that I normally run on. I had decided on between a 7 or 8 mile run. It was really beautiful out.

Normally after I run I would head right into the YMCA and shower but since they were closed for the holiday weekend that wasn't an option and after I walked to slow my heart rate down I state on a bench and just stared out at the river and watching the boats.

This view made me appreciate that the Y was closed. It forced me to just sit and look and think. Okay.. took pictures too.

It took me back to the moment of her 18th birthday! I had sent a card to her address but also sent up balloons and a card. I believe it was the same card. You can recall that post or read it for the first time by going here.

I am pretty sure I sat in the same location! I remember the emotions of setting the ballons out. It was a way for me to honor her birthday and give myself a moment to dwell on her. It made me tear up a bit. I suppose when ones daughter gets married it could really throw one thru a loop but the whole adoption card throws a curve ball into it.

I believe I had contact with her within a month of her birthday and met a year after the first contact. It's been five years since first contact and almost 4 years since I met her face to face. I am happy with that I have with her but I do wish we were closer. I wish I could say I know her like her parents know her.

I don't know what to expect at the wedding reception. I suppose my family will be the oddball because we won't know many people. I been having conversations in my head and they haven't really been nice. I imagine her parents grilling me and putting me down... as in wanting me to admit adoption was the best or ignoring all my requests for contact was the best.

I suppose it could go the other way around and we will embrace and love each other because we all share a daughter.

Izzy gets married today!!!

Wow!! They will be officially married today!! How exciting!! I am still bouncing around how to make the cookbook come to life. See my sister did it in color and it has personality cause it is homemade but I am not sure if I do it myself if I can get color prints. But I can't afford to pay .50 per page for colored prints either. I am afraid if I put it together it will still lack the color.. and afraid that it will come up to be about the same cost or money.. what to do.. what to do..

The reality is I should be giving her the scrapbook but I just don't feel it's finished but at the same time lost the desire to work on it and I want a copy of it.. which will prove to be very costly.

Izzy's birthday is next week too!! And my brakes are bad on my car!! Arrggg!! Always something. Not sure what to give her for her birthday. She has made several attempts to lose weight and I been tossing the idea of a heart rate monitor for her but don't know how she would take that.. I got one for a gift. but my sister knew I was already thinking of something along that line.

Decisions. Decisions.

Major Milestone!!

Today, I have hit 100 pounds down!! I am in shock!! I am amazed!! I am so proud of myself for sticking with my goals and not giving up when the scale moved slowly or not at all!! I have managed to get thru our struggles with job changes and school routines. I have done it with the help of www.myfitnesspal.com This hasn't been easy thing to do. It's been about 2 and half years of hard work and calorie cutting.

Now for some pictures.

Top picture is from before I started trying to lose weight.

Second picture is October of last year so almost a year ago. The other two women are my sisters.

The above picture is pretty recent.. Probably mid July. It's from a baseball game we went to.

The picture above is my most recent just from a couple days ago!!

An idea

I have an idea that I am highly considering for my daughter and her fiance as a wedding gift. My oldest sister has made both myself and our younger sister a cookbook full of recipes. There are some of the recipes that I think of has family recipes because I remember my Mom cooking it. There is at least one or two that that I had actually cooked before even getting the book.

I am thinking of making them a cookbook. I basically will be coping the recipes. I have less than two weeks on my hands to do this. I can either do this how my sister did it by printing up everything and putting it all in a binder.. I believe mine is in color and I am not sure I can get colored prints doing it on my own.

Or I can take it somewhere and have them do it. My sister said they may even be able to bind it like a book.. So I think tomorrow I will get started on this project and make a couple phone calls and see what my options are for making them their very own cookbook with family recipes.

I got the approval for my time off to go to Izzy's and her soon to be new husband's wedding reception!! I am nervous! I never knew if the day would ever come when I would see her parents again. It's been almost 23 years! I don't know how they feel about me or feel about me being included to the list of those invited.

Comparison shot.

I was asked to do a before and after shot for my weight loss. As of right now this is probably my best picture to show off the difference. This picture was taken around my birthday so that is early June. Currently, I am down 97 pounds.

I started off in size 20 jeans and now can wear some size 8's and all size 10's.

Currently my workouts are running outdoors, walking outdoors, body combat once a week and body pump two to three times a week. I do a small amount of biking and swimming but main workouts right now is running and walking.

Will try to blog more often.. I have tons of pictures from this summer that I would love to blog about.