Being in the right spot and frame of mind for weight loss... reunion and weight loss part one

I have spent the majority of my adult life overweight. I can't pinpoint a time where I was a normal weight. I would say that it was probably before Izzy was born. I know I did slim down a little bit after her birth.. but then in 1994 just three years later I had my son Alex and from then on for the majority of the time I was big.

I went thru different stages of being fat and okay with it and being fat and crying because I didn't want to be fat. I feared my husband at the time didn'nt love me the way that I was. I always imagined he loved skinny woman. I won't get into why I felt this way.

My highest non pregnancy weight I believe was 272lbs. It seemed like this is where my body was comfortable sitting. Sometimes, it's easy to fool yourself and just say well... at least I am not gaining weight. The picture above isn't from my first marriage cause I don't have too many digital forms of that. Before the 272 lbs.. my comfortable spot was probably 250lbs... at least I am not gaining... see how that works right?

I am at 80lbs lost as of right now. but this isn't my first attempt to lose weight. In the picture below I had lost 50lbs with the help of a diet place. My husband (ex now) were friends with an couple and they told me how she had lost weight using them.

I am unsure of how much I actually weighed here. So I am unsure if I am over this or under this. I just know that I was under 200lbs in this picture.

I can't really pin point when I gained the 50 plus pounds.. I believe it was after I got with my second husband. I lost my gym membership. Even with paying someone to help me lose weight.. I don't think I ever really learned the ins and out of the amound of calories in food or did I deal with my emotional eating.

I believed my weight got out of hand due to a few reasons.. One being out of hand food portions.. 2 being emotional eating when sad, mad ect... 3 being too much take out food.. sort of goes hand and hand with 1 and 2 though.

I did a lot of secret eating like eating fast food on the way to work or stopping for a soda and my friend little Debbie. I was never in the excess of like getting more food than one person could eat or like buying a whole box of my friends but in addition to all my other food it was all over and above the food that I needed to eat.

I always felt rotten after eating McDonald's on the way to work and then dinner too or eating one of my friends that we are not all that little. I never knew the calorie counts but knew it couldn't always be good. I would always tell myself tomorrow is the day that I will quit driving thru the drive thru and get buying the Little Debbies in hiding.

But tomorrow kept geting put off until tomorrow and I was feeling horrible. I wasn't happy. But at the same time.. I felt like my husband pissed me off I deserve McDonald's to make me feel better.. or I miss Izzy and he pissed me off... now I deserve burger king for my breakfast after my breakfast and don't forget my pop tarts that I get everyday before my 24 hour shift..

I am still a work in process. Work still makes me feel like I need something to treat myself for the job I do. At times.. I still want sweets cause I like them. I will finish this post up another day cause it's getting too long. I will try to focus more on how reunion has helped shaped my weight loss.