Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My daughter brought me pictures from when she was a baby up until about seven or so. Also, her senior year pictures.

Words can't explain how it feels to look at pictures of my daughter and how much her little girl pictures looked like mine as a young child. How can a Mom ever get over looking at pictures of her child and she doesn't know the child. From what I can tell the child in Izzy looked happy. I got to see some pictures of her around the time her parents had a child of their own. (biologically)

I cried some last night over my loss of Izzy for the first time in well over a year. I can never get that back. I cried over my daughter's parents lack of ability to accept me in their life for the first time since I have made contact on my own. I wish I could have seen pictures of Izzy growing up but wonder if it would be the same thing. Looking into the eyes of a stranger that is my child and not knowing her. Not being able to hold her.

My daughter is moving away for school. She brought me her fish since she isn't taking them on a 20 hour drive with them. How ironic that the first time my daughter was actually in my house is the last time I will see her for a while. It's not suppose to be like that.

I am going to miss her so much. I am proud of her for taking this challenge in life but wished she wasn't so eager to move away.


Wendy said...

I think it's great you now have pictures of your daughter from when she was growing up, but I can definitely see how it would be hard, too. I'm sorry that you are experiencing such a loss of having that time with her when she was little and growing up. It must be very hard.

I hope she does really well in school and that she visits you when she can. Can you continue to keep in touch through email, mail,or phone calls?

birthmothertalks said...

Wendy it's hard to explain but when I look at her pictures I don't feel anything as in memories of her. I think I am more sad about her moving though. We did talk about doing skpye to keep in contact.